imagination

More on Aphantasia

Tammy M CardwellLeave a comment

I’ve shared about aphantasia (the absence of a “mind’s eye”) and my experiences as I’ve explored this ‘difference’ in my brain before and invite you to read those posts. They’re in the Aphantasia category. I was just directed to this article and it offers some interesting information.

Aphantasia is somewhat complicated and I find that the more I read about it the better I understand the concepts and theorized causes. This article offers great history into the research and some explanations that bring this non-scientist closer to understanding.

Celebrating Jesus!
Tammy C

I Don’t Believe It!

Tammy M CardwellLeave a comment

I recently read an article by Aphantasia Network entitled “John Green Aphantasia Discovery: Shining a Light on the Mind’s Eye.” It’s a fascinating article that I highly recommend.

In the article it appears, if I’m reading a particular quote correctly, that one aphant (One who has aphantasia) firmly believes that no one can truly visualize, seeing pictures or movies in their minds, that the problem must simply be an inability to properly communicate the way our brains work.

The bottom line being that, again if I’m reading the quote correctly, because he can’t see anything, has no visual imagination at all, then no one else does either. 

When I read that part of the article, I immediately thought back to a comment on one of my earliest Facebook posts in which an “expert” assured me that aphantasia isn’t real and of course I don’t have a permanent inability to vizualize. According to that person, I simply never trained my mind, and if I were willing to put forth the necessary effort I could develop my visual imagination. I didn’t even bother to respond to her because I knew she had no idea what she was talking about. Because she couldn’t see the condition, the condition didn’t exist; she didn’t believe in it.

After that memory asserted itself, I made a random connection. This is precisely the difference between those who have a relationship with God and those who don’t believe God exists. I have a relationship with God, and I know He exists just as surely as I know I’m a five on the aphantasia scale. Those who don’t know God can, and often do, refuse to believe He exists.

Whether or not I believe something doesn’t alter truth.

Celebrating Jesus!
Tammy C

The Aphantasia Guide

Tammy M CardwellLeave a comment

The above photo is from the Aphantasia Guide

I learned about aphantasia back in February when I discovered I had it. That graphic you see above? I’m a 5. I always assumed phrases like “close your eyes and imagine” and “enter the theater of your mind” were figures of speech. I had NO idea what those words meant to most of the people around me. You can read the start of my aphantasia journey in my post entitled “I Can’t Imagine.”

In my research, I discovered the Aphantasia Network, and today I received an email from them that contained a link to the Aphantasia Guide. Yes, I’m linking to it twice in one post. There’s a reason. It’s that good.

If you have recently (or not so recently) discovered that you have aphantasia, you probably have myriad questions. The Aphantasia Network has created a free guide that contains answers to those most commonly asked and links to articles that offer deeper study. It also links to online aphant hangouts like the Facebook Aphantasia Support Group.

If you know someone who has aphantasia, I encourage you to check out the guide as well. It will give you a much greater understanding of the differences between you and them. In sense, we seem to live on different planets, so understanding helps – from both sides.

It’s a fascinating study, really. God has designed our brains so precisely, and with such diversity, that it never ceases to amaze me. Am I handicapped because I have no visual imagination? Of course not; I’m just different. Frankly, I wouldn’t trade places with a non-aphant if I had the chance. That’s the honest truth.

And, just for fun, here’s a third link to the Aphantasia Guide!

Celebrating Jesus!
Tammy C

Aphantasia Revelations

Tammy M Cardwell1 Comment

If you’ve not already read it, you may want to pop over to I Can’t Imagine, which is the post I made the day I discovered that I have aphantasia. Finally understanding why I didn’t recognize my own grandchild as a baby was… wow.

The past few days have been filled with revelations!

For those who don’t know, people with aphantasia have little to no ability to visualize. You know how, when you’re told to close your eyes and imagine you’re at the beach, you can see it and describe it? Yeah, I can’t. I got nothin’. I’ve always thought the “close your eyes and imagine” thing was figurative; learning that it’s literally possible for most of the world was a serious shock.

Mind you, I’m not upset that I’m mentally blind. I mean, I’ve never known life any other way. I’ve actually been having some of the most fascinating conversations in recent days, both with those who learned from my experience that they have it too, and with others who had no idea that “we” existed! Those of you who see a movie when you read a book? Mind blowing! And I’ve had more than one of “you” ask how I can possibly enjoy reading when I can’t see a movie of what I read. Believe me, I love to read!

The biggest thing is realizing that I’m not unobservant or, depending on context, downright stupid. Ask me to describe a person I was just talking to and, unless I’ve taken out my mental notebook and recorded details, I’ll not be likely to tell you much more than whether they’re male or female, adult or child…and maybe height based on how I tilted my head to look at them. Yes, I can literally turn away and lose them, mentally speaking. Friends who get haircuts or color your hair? I’m sorry if I offend you by not noticing, but the odds are really good that I’ll not even know you’ve done it, because although I know you when I see you I can’t remember the details of what you look like when you’re not there.

And I mean that literally. I tried to describe my husband earlier today. I didn’t get very far.

It’s just that visual thing! I can’t remember how many times I’ve had someone get disgusted when they would tell me to look for a certain person’s car. Nope. If I knew the make, model, and color that might help me…maybe, but I couldn’t even find my own sister’s car in a crowded parking lot if I didn’t have certain cues keyed into my memory. I learned long ago that when I get a new car I have to put on a bumper sticker and hang something from the rearview mirror before I ever venture into a parking lot. No. Not kidding.

This morning, I shared my discoveries with two of my co-workers. Later on in our conversation, once we’d changed topics, I almost busted out laughing. I was about to say, “I can’t imagine…” and abruptly realized that I literally can’t imagine what I was going to refer to. I’m still getting used to the idea that those words aren’t just a figure of speech for most people.

Learning that I’m not stupid has been such a blessing! Today was a red letter day where this is concerned. Graphic design, anything beyond extremely basic stuff, has always been out of my reach. I cannot express how frustrated I and people I’ve answered to have been with my inability to grasp and implement design concepts. Today it dawned on me; it’s because I literally can’t see it!

If you give me a picture and ask me to copy it, I can probably do so as long as the techniques required are things I’ve mastered. This is why I was able to do photorealistic pencil portraits back when that was my thing. I could sit there and look back and forth between the original and my drawing and do ok. What I could not do, at all, was create something from memory or imagination. You have to have visual memory and imagination to do that.

So where graphic design is concerned, I have no memory. I can “study” examples, but I can’t hold them in my head. Again, I have to have something in front of me and, going back and forth, I will possibly be able to recreate it in a graphics program. Take that example away and I’m done.

Frustrating? Absolutely, but at least now I understand! I. Am. Not. Stupid.

I’m almost in tears thinking about all the times I was driven to tears while trying to create graphics. Knowing the truth is so freeing!

So, if you have suddenly realized you have aphantasia on whatever level (There’s a scale, with some people having more mental vision than I do.), consider the blessings that come from knowing. Think about things that have made you feel “less than,” and give yourself permission to sigh in relief. You are not an idiot. You are not flawed. No one can blame a blind person for being blind.

And if you’re dealing with someone who is clearly intelligent, but has issues that are related to visual things, maybe you should ask some questions. Because, let me tell you, until a few days ago I literally had no idea – zero – that normal people see anything other than black when they close their eyes.

Celebrating Jesus!
Tammy C

For more information on this fascinating condition, you may want to check out aphantasia.com. You can even become a member for $7 a month or $70 a year and network with others who deal with this interesting issue.

I Can’t Imagine

Tammy M Cardwell4 Comments

My mind is officially blown.

A year or so ago, I learned that some people can actually see pictures when they “close their eyes and imagine.” It really took me aback; when I “imagine,” I’m pretending to create pictures, but not really seeing them. I thought the whole concept was seriously cool, but didn’t think too much about it until this week when I was sick and awake in the middle of the night. I posted two questions on Facebook because I was wondering if there were any link between having a 24/7 monologue running in your head (Something I learned a while back that not everyone has) and actually seeing pictures when you close your eyes and imagine.

I was shocked to learn, in my tiny science experiment, that pretty much everyone had constant brain chatter, but I was the only one who couldn’t see pictures. That realization sent me to our old friend, Mr. Google.

It turns out I have aphantasia. It’s a condition that, according to the one article I’ve read, apparently only affects 1-3% of the population, and it means you have a limited (or nonexistent) ability to visualize or imagine in the literal sense. Of course, I only recently realized that there IS a literal sense because I’ve dealt with it my whole life. While I may on rare occasions be hit in the face with a flash of memory, I can’t consciously create or pull up anything.

Maybe I should have waited to blog about this when I’ve done more research, or at least had time to think about it, but… oh my word. This explains so much!

I remember when my grandson was a tiny baby. Some friends were holding him and I asked who they had. They were appalled. “He’s your grandson!” The fact that I didn’t recognize him blew them completely away and utterly humiliated me.

But now I get it. They recognized him because, having seen him recently, they carried pictures in their minds that matched him when he showed up. I didn’t have that. I could make notes in my brain, listing details like dimples or whatever, but he was so young that he was literally changing every day and my mental notes couldn’t keep up.

Ok, I’m almost in tears here.

This explains so many things. Pictures are important to me, because I want to remember what people and places looked like. If I have extensive mental notes, I can recreate those pictures mentally, in a sense…but I can’t really see them like most of you can. I can also be talking to someone and, when asked five minutes later what they looked like, I can’t tell you unless I had consciously pulled out my mental notebook and recorded the “picture.” I can usually tell you what we talked about, though, because my mental audio recorder works great.

There is so much to unpack here. It’s not every day you learn something so radical about yourself. And if I don’t stop right now this is going to turn into a legit ramble.

Celebrating Jesus!
Tammy C

Up next?
Aphantasia Revelations