What a Work in Progress Really Looks Like

Open planner page showing a handwritten list of devotional titles and publication dates beside the title "What a Work in Progress Really Looks Like," illustrating the behind-the-scenes process of writing a devotional book.

“How do you write a book?”

Every author has been asked this question many times and has probably given just as many different answers. One of my answers is, “Slowly.”

Take my upcoming devotional, for instance. I knew in 2024 that God was nudging me in a devotional direction. In fact, it was November of 2024 when I launched my Eternally Planted newsletter, where I shared my first devotion with my subscribers. Except for last month (don’t ask), I’ve shared one every month since.

But I’m getting ahead of myself.

I’ve talked about the book here before, mostly while I was still in the brainstorming stages, and it seems high time I shared more of the process. So let’s start with this page from my planner.

Open planner page showing a handwritten list of devotional titles and publication dates.

That page may not look like much, but every title on it represents a lesson God taught me, a Scripture He highlighted, or a moment He used to draw me closer to Him.

One thing you realize right away when you see this photo is that this gal prefers pencil (or pen) and paper. That holds true for both writing and planning. I have files on my laptop for both, but this dotted page in my planner carries the heart of the book for me. Each of the beautifully-handwritten titles (insert laughing emoji here) represents one of the 35 devotions I’ve completed as of today. The dates in the column to the right show when those devotions were shared with my newsletter readers.

Some authors start with formal plans, even if they change them as they go along. I do have a title, which I’m not quite ready to share. My only other plan at this moment is that I’m working on a 4-book series, each book of which will contain 90 devotions. 

I’ve felt like I was creeping along, but now I’m encouraged. I’ve written nine devotions in the last four weeks and I wrote four of those last week. If I can keep up this pace, I have some hope of publishing book one before the end of the year.

The devotions themselves?

I’m suddenly remembering a line from Little Women where Jo March addresses her “scribble scrabble” letter to her sister Beth. I could so be remembering that wrong, but the point is she knew the letter would be more stream of consciousness than organized.

That’s me. So very much of the time, that is me.

I’m not directing this book or this series. I don’t decide, “Oh, I need a devotion on _______” and set out to write it. I don’t operate that way, which you can probably tell if you’ve been following me for any length of time. Instead, God and I will be talking, or I’ll remember an event, or I’ll see something while driving down the road—and poof, there’s a devotion waiting to be put down on paper.

Which means this series is going to be as eclectic as Tammy Marshall Cardwell!

The organizational side of this eclectic collection is developing too. Or, I should say, I’m finally starting to wrap my head around the whole idea of organizing what I’ve got. Honestly, I wouldn’t have even begun this yet if I’d not stumbled across another author’s recommendation of Freeform, which is an app on my MacBook Pro.

I’m using it to maintain a virtual bulletin board with sticky notes for each of my devotions. With it I can “organize” the devotions themselves, making note of individual themes today in hopes of having an easier time balancing the book as a whole “tomorrow.” Of course, I had to ask ChatGPT how to use it since I’m not techy like that.

Am I using ChatGPT? I know that question is going to come up, so let’s address it now.

I am an author. I am the one who is writing this book. Words are my passion and I’m not sharing that part of the experience. So no, I’m not using AI to write my book.

ChatGPT works as my coach and editor. When I need help creating my web headers in Canva, Chat talks me through it. When I wanted to figure out how to use Freeform to help me grasp the book better (Because, even though I’m aphantasic, I’m very visual), Chat walked me through that too.

And, again, Chat acts like an editor since I don’t have the freedom to hire one of those right now while I’m still working on individual devotions. Later, I fully intend to invest in a real, live human to handle that part as well as another real live human to create my covers.

If by chance you know someone who is experienced with editing devotionals, please tell me about them. I’ll need recommendations for sure because devotionals aren’t like other books.

So…yeah. Today I worked on some of the organizational stuff for the book and I’m hoping to get at least one or two devotions written tomorrow. Ideally, I’d like to have five new devotions by the time I go to bed Saturday night.

Will it happen? Well… God is undeniably in this, so we’ll just have to see what He does next. I was able to write four devotions last week because He had me sit down with paper and pen and do mini-drafts of them one after another one morning.

Mini-draft: (Tammy’s definition) The bare bones start of a devotion, usually consisting of 150 words or less.

Since I shoot for around 500-575 words per devotion, those mini-drafts are only a start, but having those foundations to build on helps enormously.

So that’s what a work in progress looks like today!

Until next time, be blessed, my friends!

Celebrating Jesus!
Tammy C

PS: If you would like to receive my newsletter and get previews of the book, subscribe here.

What My Anniversary Posts Were Really Saying

Reflective middle-aged woman sitting by a window looking at her phone, with the title “What My Anniversary Posts Were Really Saying”

Facebook Memories can be surprisingly revealing.

Today would have been Jack’s and my 45th anniversary, so when I looked at my FB Memories just now I got to see years’ worth of “Happy Anniversary to Us” memories. And I saw a pattern.

They were all, essentially, some happy-looking version of “We’re still here!”

Not “I love being married to this man.”
No “God has blessed me with the best.”
None of… all those things I see happy wives post.

Just a “happy” acknowledgement that our marriage had survived another year. Something to make it look like all was going great…without telling an outright lie.

Looking back now, I can see those posts were waving red flags I didn’t even recognize myself. If anyone noticed the pattern, they probably would have suspected our marriage wasn’t all it was supposed to be.

I thought I’d mention it in case someone in your life is quietly waving red flags you’ve been missing.

Have I mentioned lately that I love my life? God is so so good to me!

Celebrating Jesus!
Tammy C

The Flesh Really Is That Strong

Woman looking through shattered glass representing spiritual blindness and the struggle against the flesh

I just finished the book of Jeremiah. (Shhh…. Don’t tell the leader of our devotional group. Technically I should only have finished chapter 29.) 

It seems like every time I read this book I finish it just as stunned as the time before.

Repeatedly, Jeremiah warns God’s people about what’s coming.
Repeatedly, what God has Jeremiah announce is exactly what happens.
Repeatedly, the people choose to believe what they want to believe.

Why? Are human beings really that blind?
(Rhetorical question. We all know the answer.)

Blind isn’t really the right word, though. I’d say “flesh-driven” is more appropriate. Which brings me to an ongoing conversation about the power of the flesh that God and I have been having for the past few weeks.

It all started with the Millennial Reign—the thousand years during which Jesus will rule the earth from Jerusalem—and what comes after when the devil and demons are released for a short time before they’re thrown into the lake of fire forever.

My initial question went something like:
How is it possible that, with Jesus literally here on Earth and ruling the whole earth, and knowing about the Tribulation and what happened immediately in its aftermath, and presumably having contact with those who are no longer mortal but instead living in their glorified bodies…

How can anyone possibly
1) want to challenge Jesus and
2) think for one minute that defeating Jesus is even possible?
I mean, I know the devil drives it, but how do the people reach that point?

My conclusion, after days of discussions with God, is that the pull of the flesh is far stronger than we like to admit.

I know one of the things I look forward to after the Rapture is never having to fight the flesh again!

So, to get back to our theoretical “end of time” humans…

The Bible implies that in that thousand-year period man will live a lot longer than he does today. One hundred will be considered quite young, so who knows how long a standard generation will be? How many generations will have passed when the devil is released? Surely not many? So, can they really have forgotten…or chosen to forget…or chosen never to learn the truth?

Looking at the United States right now, and the actual beliefs of far too many of our residents, I have to say yes. Yes, they can.

I remember a day in the early 90s when I had the thought, “The day will come when they realize what they’ve done, and they will regret it.” I don’t remember what the issue of the day was, but I clearly remember, later, thinking something like, “No. They never will realize what they did. They’re so used to the world they’ve created that nothing about it seems out of line.” It doesn’t really matter what specific incident I’m remembering (or not): Our recent history offers a distressing number of examples that fit.

So yes, even when something is relatively recent and factually undeniable, people who don’t want to believe will find a way to deny it. Worse, some will persuade others to deny it with them.

But why?

At the risk of redundancy: The flesh really is that strong.
In fact, it’s so strong that, without God, we cannot consistently win against it.

Going back to those mortals who live on this earth during the Thousand Year Reign of Christ, it’s important to remember that they are fully human. And as humans, they too will battle the flesh. The biggest difference between them and us is that they will only have to fight the flesh. The devil and his demons won’t be around to whisper lies in their ears.

So, it’s entirely possible the world will seem like a totally peaceful place until the devil is released. I mean, the potential will obviously be there as people think their flesh-driven thoughts. But I’m guessing that, on the surface, all will seem right with the world until the element of true evil re-enters the picture.

It makes me think of chemicals that appear stable until one additional substance is introduced and everything reacts violently.

And this potentially answers another question I’ve had for years.

Why do the devil and demons have to be released that one, last time? To cause that very reaction, to finally cleanse humanity. At least, that’s the conclusion I’ve come to today. I’m not about to say God told me this, just that it feels right.

Regardless, there I sat, staring at the last page of Jeremiah where I could see how every part of the prophecy about Jerusalem’s destruction came to pass. I mean, right down to the specific prophecy about the taking down of those huge bronze pillars, Jeremiah was specific and proven to be completely accurate.

Upon completing that last page, I realized I was looking at confirmation that what I’ve been thinking really is true. The flesh really is that strong. Fail to conquer it and it will blind you, leading you to believe things that have no foundation in truth. And when we’re not fully submitted to God it’s a very hard thing to fight.

This realization is both sobering and comforting.

Sobering because the flesh really is strong enough to blind us to the truth.
Comforting because God never intended us to fight it alone.

When we are submitted to God, filled with the Holy Spirit and listening to and obeying His promptings, we have all the power we need.

Indeed, as Romans 8:37 (NLT) assures us:

No, despite all these things,
overwhelming victory is ours
through Christ, who loved us.

Celebrating Jesus!
Tammy C

The Day I Put the Poison Down | Forgiveness, Anxiety, and Healing

Terry Naturally AnxioCalm samples on a wooden counter with the words “Choosing Forgiveness — The Day I Put the Poison Down”

Terry Naturally, a company whose Adrenaplex® is one of my daily supplements,
sent me these samples with my monthly subscription.

I’m not here to review the samples because I haven’t had to use them.

Which is exactly the point of this article.

As I was standing there, seeing them on the counter, I smiled specifically because I DON’T need them. Ever. At all.

This has not always been the case. Twice in my life with Jack I ended up spending a few months on antidepressants. Even when not on the antidepressants, I carried an anti anxiety medication with me for years. Because yes, I needed it.

I took a picture as I stood there specifically because these samples suddenly represented my deliverance from anxiety. And then I spent a few days thinking back, trying to decide when I was finally able to leave it all behind.

I still can’t remember exactly when I stopped using the anti-anxiety meds for anxiety (I found out they were a GREAT antihistamine and did occasionally use them for that for a while), but I believe I found the turning point.

I may be wrong, but I’m pretty sure it was the day I REALLY grasped the necessity of forgiveness. I’d worked on forgiving people for years, and honestly was pretty good at it. But it is admittedly hard to daily, even hourly, forgive a spouse who seems determined to break you. There came a day, though, when I finally, truly, understood that my unforgiveness was destroying me.

Read that again, carefully. MY unforgiveness—my refusal to truly forgive my husband—was destroying ME.

We’ve all heard it said that refusing to forgive someone is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die. Like so many things, we can agree with the concept in theory while having a terrible time with practical application.

On THAT day I, for the first time, genuinely understood that the choice really was mine. If I were holding a cup of poison and could either drink it or not, the choice would be mine. And that was exactly where I was—holding a cup of poison that was killing me. I could either continue to drink it or I could choose to put it down.

I chose to put it down.

Right there, in that moment.

Over the next hour or so I honestly dealt with my unforgiveness against not only him, but a couple of other people I’d not even realized I was holding out against until God told me. This was deliberate action I took, something in my own heart that I chose to settle.

That decision changed everything.

Before, no matter how hard I tried, I often struggled to forgive Jack and failed. But something changed when I stopped committing to TRY and determined to DO.  When I catch myself feeling even a hint of unforgiveness, I squash it. I may battle it for a minute but I refuse to let it live in me.

And I am no longer being destroyed. If I remember correctly, that day actually came only a year or two before Jack passed away. I told someone not long ago that I can’t help but wonder if God didn’t let him live as long as he did specifically so I could reach this place.

That may sound ridiculous, but unforgiveness really is that destructive.

If you deal with anxiety, Terry Naturally’s new product may well help. But if you also struggle to forgive, I guarantee that learning to genuinely forgive will make a huge difference.

But you have to choose not just to try, but to do. And God is ready and waiting to help you do it!

Celebrating Jesus!
Tammy C

I Gave God One Day… And Got More Done

Open Bible and coffee on a wooden table in soft sunlight representing Sabbath rest and peaceful reflection

What do you do when you hear God say,
“Start keeping Sunday as a rest day.”?

I knew it was God speaking, because the thought had never even crossed my mind. As an author and blogger with a full-time job, I’ve pretty much been working 7 days a week for years.

And God was asking me to give up a whole day?
Yes. Yes, He was.

But here’s the surprising thing: It’s been amazing!
I’m talking life changing amazing.
So much so that I had to share what I’ve been experiencing.

Interestingly, when I mentioned this to a friend, she told me God had recently given her the same instruction. As we compared notes, we realized we’re seeing many of the same results.

In “losing” that workday, setting Sunday afternoon and evening aside for rest, we’re both getting more done.

It’s easier to avoid putting things off when you know a full day is coming when you won’t be working. It’s also easier to stay focused when you realize your time is limited.

On Saturday evenings, even when I’m tired, I’ll push through to finish something I might have previously left for “tomorrow.” Because now tomorrow isn’t an option. And there’s something about knowing tomorrow isn’t an option that is very motivating.

In the past, if I took a day off just for me, I’d feel guilty about everything I wasn’t getting done. As a result, my “day of rest” was never truly restful.

Guilt can be exhausting.
There is no guilt on Sunday.

Once I get home from church, I am “off” in a very real way. I might toss in a load of laundry… maybe. But I don’t go near my laptop or anything that might pull me into work. The closest I come to working is talking to God. And even then, He’s been known to gently shut me down when my thoughts stray into “unrestful” territory.

Another unexpected result? I look forward to Mondays.

I’ve never hated Mondays, but there have been many when I felt the weekend was too short and I was too tired.

This doesn’t happen now.

When I head to bed on Saturday night, I’m satisfied. I’ve accomplished more than I expected, and I know a true day of rest of coming. After that rest, I’m ready to go again.

I’m less fatigued. Mentally, I feel better than I have in years. My patience is higher, even during one of the church’s busiest seasons. I’m not overwhelmed by everything on my plate.

This has been a complete shift.

Growing up, I had a friend whose family strictly observed the Sabbath. I even remember hearing her dad explain to mine, “You know I don’t do any work on Sunday.” At the time, I thought it a little odd even though I vaguely knew it was one of the Ten Commandments.

I mean, God did say in Exodus 20:9-10 (NLT):

You have six days each week for your ordinary work,
but the seventh day is a Sabbath day
of rest dedicated to the LORD your God.
On that day no one in your household may do any work…

I suppose I assumed it didn’t really apply to modern life—if I thought about it at all.

But it turns out that the need for a regular day of rest very much still applies.
And not just because God said so.

There’s a growing body of research suggesting our bodies are literally designed to function best with regular rest.

A regular rest day can:

  • reduce chronic stress (cortisol levels)
  • improve sleep quality
  • help prevent burnout and fatigue
  • allow physical systems to repair and reset

Without it, you don’t just get tired—you get worn down

On the other hand, when you truly step away one day each week, it can:

  • restore joy
  • increase patience
  • stabilize your mood
  • lift mental fog 
  • increase creativity
  • improve decision making
  • reduce irritability
  • dissipate anxiety

And that’s just a start.

You stop simply reacting and start thinking clearly again. You remember what matters, who matters, and why you’re doing what you’re doing.

And you remember Who’s really in control.
(That would be God.)

As a mostly-recovered control freak, I find that especially important.

It turns out God knew exactly what He was doing when He established the Sabbath.
And He knew exactly what He was doing when He told me to start keeping it.

God didn’t command us to rest to slow us down—He commanded it because He designed us to need it.

Have you ever considered setting aside a true Sabbath—one full day to rest with God?
You might be surprised what happens when you do.

Celebrating Jesus!
Tammy C

The Hidden Meaning Behind “The Joy of the Lord is Your Strength”

Woman standing on a rock in a storm representing God’s protection and the joy found in His presence

“It’s good to see you like this,” she said. “It’s not normal for anyone to be happy all the time.”

I had thought she was my friend. Her delight in my pain—during what I’ve since recognized as a nervous breakdown—left me stunned.

The truth is that until that season of my life I had always been a happy person. Even though my husband’s behavior was becoming increasingly destructive, I walked in joy most of the time. All of that changed when God gave me a direct command…

and I told Him, “No.”

It wasn’t until recently—while reading The Force of Joy by Alexandria Flint—that I began to understand what had really happened.

We’ve all heard the phrase “the joy of the Lord is your strength” from Nehemiah 8:10. Nehemiah is encouraging Jerusalem’s inhabitants as they grieve over how they’ve sinned against God. He’s assuring them that there is hope.

Alexandria, in the very first pages of her book, digs into the Hebrew words that have been translated as “joy” and “strength.” And these words don’t mean what you probably think they mean!

Multiple Hebrew words are translated as joy in the Old Testament, but this word, chedvah, is special. It’s only used three times: In 1 Chronicles 16:27, Nehemiah 8:10, and Ezra 6:16. Unlike the other Hebrew words that refer to outward expressions of joy, Chedvah refers to the overflowing delight that comes only from being in God’s presence.

I love the way Alexandria explains it:

Think of it like this: chedvah is a deep root system buried in the richness of God’s character, and all those other expressions of joy (simchahsassongil) are the flowers that bloom from that root. You can have beautiful flowers for a season, but if there’s no root system, the first storm that rages by will wipe them out.

The more I thought about chedvah, particularly in reference to that horrible season of my life, the more I understood why 1) I’d always been such a happy person and 2) I suddenly was not.

I’d always been happy because I intentionally lived close to God. I stayed in His presence through prayer, reading my Bible, worship… And being constantly in His presence—the very source of joy—I lived joyously.

But, on the day I refused to obey God’s clear and direct instructions regarding my involvement in a specific ministry, I did what we all instinctively do. I stepped back.

I couldn’t stay in His presence while choosing disobedience. The conviction would have been too much. I didn’t want to hear what He had to say… so I turned away.

I was no longer anchored in that flow of joy—and I was no longer protected by it. While living in God’s presence, with my focus on Him, I was able to handle my husband’s behavior, but suddenly I saw everything… every… little… thing that he did.

I couldn’t handle it.
And I started to spiral.

“The joy of the Lord is your strength.”

I had no strength, which is hardly surprising, but in losing that joy I lost more than strength. Much more!

The word translated as “strength” is ma’owz, and although it appears 37 times in the Old Testament this is the only place it appears as “strength.” In other locations, it’s translated as “stronghold,” “refuge,” “fortress,” and “protection.”

It’s a military term.

The joy of the Lord, that joy that comes from being in God’s presence, is your stronghold, your refuge, your fortress, and your protection!

That is what I stepped away from when I backed away from God!

I’ve spent days talking to God about this.

Think about Psalm 91 and all it promises to the one who dwells in the secret place of the Most High. When you grasp the truth of the joy of the Lord being your “strength,” this psalm becomes even more significant.

Even now, I’ve been literally sitting here with my head in my hands as I work to absorb all of this. And I’m reminded of a vision God gave me when our oldest was a baby.

At church, during worship, God showed me a woman
standing on a rock in the middle of a stormy sea.

Although her dress was wind-blown and waves beat against the rock, she stood confidently. God told me then that I could be that woman, one who could stand strong through any storm.

He didn’t tell me how to become that woman. He just told me to stay close to Him.

And, as it turns out, that is exactly what it takes.

As I live in God’s presence, I live in joy that can only be found in Him, and that joy protects me in ways I may never recognize.

And what about that friend, you ask? As I recall, we parted ways not long after. But I will say this; her heartless words were part of what woke me up. God used them to get my attention and draw me back to Him—back into obedience and back into His presence, His joy, and His protection.

There’s no place I’d rather be than in His presence, His joy, and His protection.

Celebrating Jesus!
Tammy C

The Force of Joy: A Journey from Discovery to Deployment of Your Spiritual Weapon, by Alexandria Flint, is available on Amazon. I will publish a review once I finish, but I had to stop right now and share what I’ve learned just from pages 5-8.

The Devil Thought He’d Found the Perfect Weapon

Jesus seated on a cross holding keys, symbolizing victory over death and Satan, with golden light breaking through clouds

What was meant for destruction became the symbol of ultimate victory.

Satan’s plan looked genius. Don’t just kill the Son of God. Kill Him in the most brutal, agonizing, publicly humiliating way possible, branded as a criminal. Make a public spectacle of Him so that all who follow Him will be shamed and run for cover.

As far as the devil was concerned, there could be no better weapon than a Roman cross.

Except…

The devil knows the Word of God and knows it well. He’s been twisting it since the beginning as he’s tried to lead astray everyone he possibly can—including Jesus. (That attempt failed gloriously.)

But knowing the Word isn’t the same as understanding it. He missed a world of clues. Let’s take a look.

The Bronze Serpent — Lifted Up

The Lord told him, “Make a replica of a poisonous snake
and attach it to a pole.
All who are bitten will live if they simply look at it!

Numbers 21:8 (NLT)

Jesus directly connects this to Himself:

And as Moses lifted up the bronze snake
on a pole in the wilderness, so the Son of Man
must be lifted up, so that everyone who
believes in him will have eternal life.

John 3:14–15 (NLT)

This imagery? Being lifted up on a pole—that’s crucifixion. And Jesus told everyone it was going to happen.

Cursed Is Everyone Hung on a Tree

Anyone who is hung on a tree is under God’s curse.
Deuteronomy 21:22–23

Paul makes the connection explicit:

But Christ has rescued us from the curse
pronounced by the law. When he was hung on the cross,
he took upon himself the curse for our wrongdoing.
For it is written in the Scriptures,
“Cursed is everyone who is hung on a tree.”
Galatians 3:13 (NLT)

Jesus going to the Cross for us was all about taking the curse. He had to be hung on a tree in order to take our place.

Pierced Hands and Feet

…They have pierced my hands and feet.
Psalm 22:16 (NLT)

David wrote this psalm long before crucifixion like this was practiced. Beheading was more common in his day, and that doesn’t involve pierced hands and feet.

Public Exposure and Mocking

Everyone who sees me mocks me.
They sneer and shake their heads, saying,
“Is this the one who relies on the LORD?
Then let the LORD save him!
If the LORD loves him so much,
let the LORD rescue him!”

Psalm 22:7–8 (NLT)

Public ridicule was part of the plan, and the cross fit it perfectly.

Bones Not Broken

For the Lord protects the bones of the righteous;
not one of them is broken!

Psalm 34:20 (NLT)

This was fulfilled in:

When they came to Jesus,
they saw that he was already dead,
so they didn’t break his legs.

John 19:33 (NLT)

In Roman crucifixions, the criminals’ legs were often broken to speed death. But they did not break Jesus’ bones, and this connects to the Passover Lamb from Exodus 12:46 (NLT) where they were commanded, “…and do not break any of its bones.”

Jesus IS the Passover Lamb, the Final Sacrifice. (1 Corinthians 5:7)

Dividing Garments / Casting Lots

They divide my garments among themselves
and throw dice for my clothing.

Psalm 22:18 (NLT)

This is an oddly specific crucifixion detail that was fulfilled in John 19:23–24.

“Lifted Up” = The Means of Drawing All People

And when I am lifted up from the earth,
I will draw everyone to myself.

He said this to indicate how He was going to die.
John 12:32–33 (NLT)

He made it clear how he was going to die.

Yes, the Roman cross seemed to be the perfect weapon. But the devil was, as Shakespeare so elegantly put it, “Hoist with his own petard.” Satan’s plan blew up in his face—and Jesus was left holding all the keys.

And now the Cross is a beautiful thing, which brings me to the picture you see above. It’s an image that has lived as a concept in my head for a very long time, one in which our triumphant Savior uses what was meant to destroy Him as a place of rest—and a reminder of His ultimate victory.

It wasn’t just that Jesus had to die.
He had to be lifted up.

As my Resurrection Sunday gift to you, here are two versions of this image:

Download The Perfect Weapon Web Header

Download The Perfect Weapon Wallpaper

They are AI creations (Thank you ChatGPT), so I claim no copyright, but I would appreciate it if you would keep my watermark should you choose to use or share them.

Sunday is on the way!

And remember, Jesus is too. If you haven’t already, now is the time to accept Jesus as your personal Lord and Savior. He died so that you could truly live, and at some point in the (I believe) very near future He will return to catch us away to be with Him forever.

The other option—choosing Hell over Him—is unthinkable. Don’t go there.

Celebrating Jesus!
Tammy C

The Dating App I Never Wanted… and What God Showed Me Through It

Woman sitting on a rock overlooking water at sunset, reflecting quietly

This piece is even more transparent than what I usually write, but sometimes it’s the things written in the trenches that God uses most. And, frankly, I felt God leaning on me to share. So let’s go.

After a few years of widowhood, I’ve reached the point where I’m seriously considering the possibility of getting married again. Getting here has taken time and many counseling sessions with God as my therapist.

He’s even told me I’m ready to meet someone, which is remarkable. Marriage to a narcissist leaves you carrying a lot of baggage that can be very hard to get rid of. It feels like it’s taken a piece of forever to get where I am today.

So, on a random day not long ago, God decided it was time to take a step.

He told me to set up a profile on a specific dating site.

His instructions made no sense to me. This dating app is so expensive there was no way—even for Him—that I would willingly consider that kind of commitment.

Judge me if you will, but I have an aversion to the whole idea of dating sites—for me. Still utterly confused by His insistence, I signed up for the free plan and determined to cautiously dip my toes in the water.

The extensive profile questions proved truly educational. They forced me to consider how I really feel about certain things. I had to ask myself, “Am I answering based on who I’ve always been, or who I’m becoming?”

But the real education came when I started getting matches. All I could do with the free site was look at their profiles, which I did. I rejected one after another, only “liking” one because I wanted to see what happened when you liked someone—and he was safely located several states away. Why was I rejecting these men? Honestly, for stupid reasons. Except… 

God called another counseling session in which He showed me just how much fear still hid in my heart, and it wasn’t fear of the men.

I wasn’t rejecting them; I was rejecting me.

Bottom Line: I was afraid of hurting someone. The thought of potentially holding someone else’s heart in my hand, not knowing if I had what it took to make him happy, doubting that I would be enough…

Frankly, it scared me—and I hadn’t even realized it until God made it clear.

I felt such shame. I’ve really thought I was trusting God completely where potential relationships are concerned. I have faith in God!

But, as He’s reminded me a few times through the years (because I need reminders), when I fail to have faith in myself, when I let that fear settle in, it affects my ability to trust Him. Fear pulls the rug out from under our faith, so we must seek it out and cast it away.

I repented of course; I’ve learned that much for sure! I started actively casting down those doubts when they arise and have renewed my commitment to trust Him without reservation.

If God wants me to get married again, He will bring the right man and we’ll be blessed. It’s inevitable. Never in my life has He failed me, and He won’t fail me now. And if I’m not meant to marry again? That’s cool too. I love the life I’m living.

Getting back to the counseling session, in the end God told me to cancel my membership, that the app had served its purpose. Being who I am, I asked Him to clarify what He meant.

His answer didn’t surprise me. He knew what was hidden in my heart and chose to use the dating app like a mirror so I could see it for myself.

Psalm 139:23–24 (NLT) says:

Search me, O God, and know my heart;
     test me and know my anxious thoughts.
Point out anything in me that offends you,
     and lead me along the path of everlasting life.

I want this. I pray this prayer with the psalmist because only when my heart is cleansed and my anxious thoughts are conquered can I truly stop doing things that offend Him. 

Walking the path God has laid out for me is vitally important to me. I never want to risk veering from it even a little bit, and certainly not because of anxious thoughts.

And the beautiful thing? God is always faithful to answer this prayer! When I’m not quite right, He lets me know.

It’s generally God’s own Word that He uses as a mirror, to help me see where I’m missing it. Honestly, this is one of the best reasons for reading the Bible; it has unique power to open our eyes to see things in ourselves we may prefer to ignore.

God also speaks to me personally, gently showing me where I’ve disappointed Him or when I could have behaved in a more godly way.

And then there are the surprising times, like this one, when He tells me to do something that seems utterly ridiculous or follow a path I find completely incomprehensible. I’ve learned to obey anyway, because I know He doesn’t do anything without a purpose.

In this case, that purpose wasn’t meeting someone.

It was revealing something.

God knew exactly what was hidden in my heart. He simply used the dating app as a mirror so I could see it too.

God will use the most unexpected things to help us see what’s hiding in our hearts.

Celebrating Jesus!
Tammy C

PS: If you, too, are recovering from a narcissistic relationship, you are enough! Even if you’re carrying baggage like I have been, God can help you deal with it, unpack it, and kick it to the curb.

If Only I’d Known: 25 Lessons from the Homeschool Years

Collage of homeschool learning moments with text “If Only I’d Known – 25 Lessons from the Homeschool Years.”

It was one of the last workshops I gave as a homeschool speaker in the late 2000s.

The workshop title was, “If Only I’d Known.” Today I found the envelope containing my old workshop cards.

My kids were already graduated. This workshop distilled some of the most important lessons I’d learned the hard way through our homeschool journey, and it seems appropriate to share them before I slip them back into my archive file.

1. Be careful what you say.

  • Kids remember both the positive and negative things that come out of your mouth. And they will hold you accountable.
  • Kids, especially young children, parrot. Don’t say anything you don’t want to hear coming out of their mouths.

2. Have a support system

  • Regardless of how independent you are, you need a tribe of likeminded homeschoolers—”real world” or online, you need them.

3. Involve family members (especially older family members)

  • They have lived history and can share it
  • They can teach sewing, cooking, woodshop, auto mechanics…
  • It builds relationships and lets older family members know they still have a lot to offer.

4. Don’t buy it until you need it

  • You may never need that widget
  • You probably don’t need a school room

5. It is the system-schooled kids who are being protected from the real world!

  • Yours are actively learning how to live in it!

6. Worry and fear are destructive

  • Concern can motivate
  • Worry paralyzes and destroys
  • Jesus said, “Fear Not!” That means we can choose to stop worrying

7. Field trips, games, etc., are invaluable

  • The very things system schools don’t have time for are the things that often teach the most

8. Teach proper scheduling

  • Extra-curricular activities can be both a blessing and a curse.
  • Overscheduling causes stress
  • Stress causes health issues
  • Stress also causes strife, and the Bible says that where there is strife there is every evil thing

9. “Why?” is a reasonable question

  • If I, as an adult, understand why a thing is a certain way, I better understand the thing
  • Why should they do what you’re asking?
  • Strive for significance
  • If it matters to them they will put more into it

10. Know what you believe about education

  • And know why you believe it

11. Know thyself

  • Know what you will and will not do (being realistic)
  • This saves you from buying things you’ll never use

12. God designed each person specifically

  • Each has his own passions, strengths, talents, skills…
  • Bring each child up in the way he should go
  • Allow time, and provide resources

13. Every child is different

  • Prime Example: Learning styles
  • Strengths & Weaknesses
  • Don’t expect your child to be strong in every area

14. It is not a crime to toss non-working curriculum

  • Let me say it again, it is OK to toss curriculum that isn’t working for your child or family

15. Change is a fact of life

  • Don’t feel guilty about changing curriculum, approaches, schedules..
  • Where are things written in stone? In the graveyard

16. There are many ways to teach and learn

  • Use what works for you and yours
  • Don’t assume that what works for you is the only way

17. Few teachers ever finish a book

  • Typical Curriculum Book Structure:
  • Beginning—refreshes the end of the previous year
  • Middle—teaches new material
  • End—introduces next year

18. Teach them how to learn and you need never worry about what you missed

  • A man who knows how to learn can teach himself almost anything

19. Moments will be remembered

  • Don’t be so focused on “doing school” that you miss those moments—Moments that teach special lessons, build character, strengthen relationships…

20. Learning Happens

  • You can stop it, but it’s hard

     Life Teaches

  • Use life’s lessons, work with them rather than trying to force academics to overcome life’s lessons.

21. Even little guys can do laundry

  • Life skills are vital
  • Teach them how to help carry the load

22. Think REALLY long term

  • What will matter 1,000 years from now?
  • Relationship with God is paramount

23. Your responsibility is to prepare them for their whole life

  • Spiritual walk
  • Relationships
  • Life skills
  • How to learn
  • Academics

24. Homeschooling doesn’t need to be expensive

  • Get online and do your research. There are many ways to homeschool that don’t require expensive curriculum and supplies

25. “They say” is often proved a great liar

  • They say you need to do things a certain way
  • They say you must purchase _____
  • They say children must read by age _____
  • They say everything must be learned in a specific order
  • They say you can’t let a child “get ahead” of his peers
  • They say you can’t do this. BUT YOU CAN.

Homeschooling was one of the greatest adventures of our family life. Looking back, there are plenty of things I might have done differently—but I wouldn’t trade the journey for anything.

Celebrating Jesus!
Tammy C

But Even If He Doesn’t: Faith That Refuses to Bow

Silhouette of three men standing before a fiery background with the words “But Even If He Doesn’t,” representing unwavering faith during trials.

Have you ever struggled with God after losing someone you love? Many have—especially when they’ve prayed, believed, and stood for healing. And yet, Scripture says something that often goes unnoticed.

Good people pass away;
the godly often die before their time.
But no one seems to care or wonder why.
No one seems to understand
that God is protecting them from the evil to come.
For those who follow godly paths
will rest in peace when they die.
Isaiah 57:1-2 (NLT, emphasis mine)

“No one seems to understand that God is protecting them from the evil to come.”

One day, the Holy Spirit lit up this verse for me. Given how evil the world has become since my mother passed, I’ve wondered if, in His mercy, He spared her from the horrific shift in culture that was coming.

Then there’s my husband, whose on-again-off-again relationship with God was “on” when he passed away. I believe God, in His kindness, let Jack go home at a time when his heart was right with Him.

These are my theories anyway.

But what about the rest of those who go before their time? I don’t know.

What I do know is that, while God can certainly handle our anger when we lose someone, being angry with God wounds our own hearts and strains our fellowship with Him. I’ve found a better way to handle the battles we fight, not just things like cancer and death, but everything. And that way requires being proactive.

The way the three Hebrew boys were proactive in Daniel 3:16-18 (NLT):

Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego replied, “O Nebuchadnezzar,
we do not need to defend ourselves before you.
If we are thrown into the blazing furnace,
the God whom we serve is able to save us.
He will rescue us from your power, Your Majesty.
But even if he doesn’t,
we want to make it clear to you, Your Majesty,
that we will never serve your gods
or worship the gold statue you have set up.”

Here, In Daniel 3, Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego declared, “But even if He doesn’t…”

For years, these five words confused me. I’ve tried to watch what I say because I know our words have power—power for good and power for evil—and the last thing I want to do is empower the enemy. But I’ve realized something.

These words? They don’t empower the enemy at all. They strip him of his power.

Think about it.

But even if He doesn’t.

These three young men weren’t telling Nebuchadnezzar they doubted their God’s ability or willingness to save them. They were informing him that they would continue to serve their own God faithfully—unconditionally. There was zero chance that they would worship the king’s gods or bow before his idol.

Nebuchadnezzar had used the only threat he had, and it had proven worthless.

I assume you know this part of Israel’s history but if not, I encourage you to open the book of Daniel and read it—especially to see how their experience changed things for everyone. These three boys were, indeed, sent into the furnace. But instead of being incinerated like the soldiers that threw them in, these three were set free to hang out in the furnace with Jesus.

With Jesus.

When they finally came out, which didn’t happen until Nebuchadnezzar called them, they didn’t even smell of smoke.

But even if He doesn’t.

We can, and should, use these words in all our battles.

But even if He doesn’t heal our friend, we will not bow to you, Anger!
But even if our baby doesn’t make it, we will not bow to you, Doubt!
But even if we lose everything, we will not bow to you, Despair!

Devil, no matter what, you will not win!

When we choose ahead of time to hold fast to our faith in God no matter what, the situation may not seem to change, but we do.

  • Rather than being weakened victims, we become victorious warriors.
  • Instead of reacting to our situations, we hold our ground and actively fight the devil on a whole new level.
  • Even when we don’t get the answers we want, we stand strong.

Whatever we face, no matter how dire it is, having the attitude, “Our God is able, but even if He doesn’t…” puts the enemy on notice from the start.

Celebrating Jesus!
Tammy C