the past

That Door is Closed

Tammy M CardwellLeave a comment

It’s strange, the things that can kick you in the gut.

In my homeschooling years, and beyond, I was very active in the homeschool community. I wrote articles. I spoke at conferences. I sold my books and my publisher’s books at conferences. I was one of the editors of a small, printed, homeschool magazine that eventually became a very large, internet magazine.

Yeah, that last is where the kick comes from. EHO, The Eclectic Homeschool Online, was a massive internet magazine. It was massive in both content and readership. Everything we ever published stayed published, and I know I remember us having 40,000 readers a month at one point – most print magazines didn’t have readerships that large. I loved EHO, loved the ministry, loved my writers, loved our readers… Leaving was one of the hardest things I ever had to do.

So today I was thinking about it and went to check it out. It’s been a static site for a while, but still… And it wasn’t there. I got the “Safari Can’t Find Server” screen. That black screen is a reminder that, as much as you appreciate your past, you really can’t return to it. And you know what? It hurts…

Oh, I’ll get over it. It’s just that there was something reassuring, on those days when I felt “less than,” about being able to go back and look at what I’d helped accomplish and think about all the homeschoolers whose hands we’d held along the way. I think about them now and hope that many of their kids are homeschooling today. Yes, it’s been that long.

That door is closed. It has been, really; Safari is just reminding me that looking back only serves so many purposes. The point is to walk through the next open door.

Celebrating Jesus!
Tammy C

The Past Comes Back

Tammy M CardwellLeave a comment

Several years ago, I was on a road trip and a comment was made about the leaves changing colors. I’d recently learned the science behind it and offered the information that the colors are there all the time; they’re just covered up by the green of the chlorophyll. Instantly, one of my companions said, “There she goes…correcting us again.”

I was stunned, and I was hurt. I explained that no, I just found the information fascinating and had thought they would too. She understood and apologized, and we were good, but the incident stands in my memory as a reminder that, no matter how hard you try to avoid it, your past will sometimes come back to haunt you.

You see, I used to be really bad about correcting people. I assumed everyone was like me, wanting to know how to use good grammar, properly pronounce words, use expressions correctly, etc. When this event occurred, however, I had been actively not correcting people for a long time.

It came about as a result of correcting a friend (with pure motives, I assure you) and offending her. On that day I decided that I would never again correct her in any way unless she asked for it. It didn’t take long for me to realize this was the best policy to use with everyone. I do still occasionally correct people, but when I do it’s a slip up and I try to apologize. I can’t stop the edits that go on in my brain, but I can keep them from passing my lips.

So by the time the “always correcting” comment was made it didn’t apply anymore, but she was so locked into the way I used to be that she didn’t even realize it.

I’m glad I remembered this incident today. It’s a good reminder, to me, to not judge people by what they used to be, to not be the one who brings their past back to haunt them, but rather to accept them as who they are today. Sometimes that may mean I have to really look at them, taking a fresh look and even getting to know them all over again in a sense.

It’s worth the effort. Friendship is that important.
Celebrating Jesus!

Tammy C