Truth Matters: Be Honest with at Least One Person You Trust

This is a hard one, I know. If you’re in a relationship with a narcissist, you have every reason not to discuss your situation with anyone, but you need to. There are a few reasons why, and this first one is important.

I have a friend who, many years ago, was married to a man who was so controlling and emotionally abusive that he actually told her once that if she weren’t pregnant he would kill her. She did what I did, though, and she was even better at it; she hid all evidence and protected his reputation at all costs. 

Ultimately, one of the biggest costs was that, when she finally left him, people condemned her for walking out on her godly husband. Even family judged her for breaking her marriage vows. Why? Because she’d never told anyone the truth. There was not one shred of evidence that she wasn’t simply acting selfishly. You can imagine what this did to her when she was already hurting, feeling broken.

Sharing with someone you trust can also keep you grounded, help you see reality – like understanding when your narcissist is gaslighting you, making you feel like you’re the one at fault or you’re imagining a non-existent problem and events didn’t occur as you recall them. It can also help set the stage for a later escape if you need one. You may not think that will ever happen, but the fact is you don’t really know what’s coming.

Although my husband didn’t do this, I know many tend to isolate their victims, separating them from their friends and family as much as possible. Sharing what you’re going through can reassure you that you’re not alone; it can help guarantee you will never be entirely on your own, even when your narcissist works hard to see to it that you are.

In short, sharing with someone you trust is like keeping your hand on a lifeline when you’re in deep water. I highly recommend in!

Having said that, you do need to know that people in certain positions are required by law to report physical abuse. For instance, I’m a church secretary; if you were to tell me your husband was abusing you physically, I would have to report it. The same holds for people in several other positions. So, if you don’t want anything reported, either choose someone who isn’t bound by this law or be careful what you tell them. Again, I’m only talking about physical abuse here, meaning that’s all we’re required to report.

I wish I didn’t have to talk about abuse at all. This isn’t the happiest topic to be covering, but there are too many out there who are still dealing with the sort of thing I lived through, and I can’t ignore them. I want to help in what little ways I’m able; and I want to obey God, who led me to write this series.

You are not alone.

Celebrating Jesus!
Tammy C

Leave a Reply