Musings

Self-confidence

Tammy M CardwellLeave a comment
Copyright Tammy Cardwell 2014
Copyright Tammy Cardwell 2014

The portrait you’re looking at took me so long to complete that the one who commissioned it could have had a baby while she waited. Why did it take me so ridiculously long to finish such a simple piece? Was I so overbooked with commissions that my pencil couldn’t fly fast enough?

Hardly.

This commission came in while I was working on a special piece for an auction. The image, which happened to be of Jesus, had been in my head for years and I was excited to draw it. The auction supports great ministries, and I was thrilled to be able to contribute. Everything was going perfectly. The wood of the cross looked awesome. The clothing draped just right. The hands were amazing. and then I got to the head and face; these were my undoing. No matter how hard I worked, how much I reworked, I simply could not get it right. And then I ran out of time.

I “finished” the drawing, but even as I took it to the framer I was ashamed of it. It wasn’t just bad; it was humiliatingly, publicly bad. That it sold for less than I’d paid to have it framed was no surprise; I was glad it brought anything at all – and hoped that everyone would forget I’d produced anything so regrettable.

I have no idea how many pencil portraits I’ve done through the years, but I’ve drawn enough that I feel confident in saying I’m good at what I do. Even so, this whole experience shattered my self-confidence. the wise thing would have been to pick my pencils right back up and start on something else – anything else – but I didn’t. It was many months before I could bring myself to even pull out my supplies. Admittedly, laziness and procrastination were factors in the delay, but they were fed by fear of failure.

Strange as it may seem, I share this story to encourage you. How many singers have had their confidence hammered after blowing the National Anthem on the Little League field? How many young dancers have been ready to quit after going left while everyone else danced gracefully to the right? How many aspiring thespians have considered switching to Botany after mangling a monologue? It happens to the best of us.

Sometimes, hopefully most of the time, we’re able to stand back up, brush ourselves off, and get back to it. Then there are the times when we lie there, paralyzed for a while before something gives us the strength to rise again.

Swiftly or slowly (Swiftly is so much better!), the key is to DO IT. When hit with such a blow, we need to be like David who, after discovering the destruction at Ai, encouraged himself (1 Sam 30:6) and managed to get up and do the next thing – and he recovered all that had been lost. Fear is a terrible enemy, but we can conquer it. YOU can!

I’m not proud of how long it took me to complete this portrait. I am, however, proud of the work; it is every bit as good as I knew (somewhere inside) it could be. I am also grateful for the amazing patience of the friend who commissioned it, and for the vitally important lesson I’ve learned once again.

“Down” is not someplace anyone wants to be, especially over something so absurd. I’ve decided that, should such a thing happen again, I will take a page from David’s book and encourage myself (or read myself the Riot Act). I have to; there’s another picture waiting to be drawn!

Celebrating Jesus!
Tammy C

Revelation

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The Holy Spirit, and the way He reveals things in the Word when we ask Him to teach us, is AWESOME! I love it when God tweaks my view of Scripture, making me see the familiar in a totally new light.

For instance, here are some pieces that came together for me at some point last year.

1.    We know the Israelites were to use no leaven at Passover. This was part of them being
prepared and ready to leave as soon as God (through Pharaoh) gave the Word.
2.    We know leaven represents sin throughout Scripture.
3.    We know that many things in the Old Testament are types and shadows (AKA prophecies)
of what later happens in the New Testament.
4.    The Exodus, itself, is prophecy! It foreshadows our exodus from this earth at the Rapture.
We must remove sin (leaven) from our lives (houses) and be spiritually ready to leave at a
moment’s notice. Even the end times transfer of wealth that we hear so much about is
foreshadowed by the Jews requesting and receiving all sorts of valuable things from their
Egyptian neighbors.

The Word of God is SO COOL.

Celebrating Jesus!
Tammy C

Shut Up, Devil!

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Have you ever heard someone argue with their electronic navigator, be it Siri, Tom Tom, or something else, talking back to it as if it’s a reasonable being and they can somehow change its mind? For the onlooker, it can be funny or frustrating, but one thing is sure – it’s pointless. Siri may be giving you completely wrong information, but simply talking to it… or yelling at it… won’t accomplish anything; you have to shut it up.

The same is true in our dealings with the devil. Arguing with him is every bit as productive. It accomplishes nothing but raising your fear level and blood pressure. We have to shut him up too. How do we do that? The same way Jesus did.

Jesus spent forty days fasting in the desert. Fasting is interesting in that it does tremendous things for your faith while challenging your body. The devil knows this, so he comes in right away to try to steal what God is giving you. So here he is, challenging Jesus at the end of this fast, and what does Jesus do? Argue? Not even!

“It is written,” He says, then He hits the devil with God’s Word. The third time He says, “Away with you, Satan! For it is written…” In other words, “Shut up, Devil. God says…”

Here, then, is our example. We don’t argue with the devil, we remind him of what God says. God’s Word is a mighty weapon, and proper use of it by us can shut him up as completely as it did on that day. Of course, this means we must know it, must have the Word hidden in our hearts so we can pull it out as soon as the devil speaks.

If he’s been speaking to you lately, and you don’t quite know how to fight back, get into the Bible. You can even go to sites like www.blueletterbible.org and search by keywords to find what you need.

Here’s one verse for starters. Is the devil telling you that you can’t do something God wants you to do? Tell him that, according to Philippians 4:13, “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me!”

Yes, you can. You can shut the devil up!

Celebrating Jesus!
Tammy C

Forgive Me

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I’ve been thinking some more about unforgiveness. I’m pretty good at forgiving. I try hard to give people the benefit of the doubt and accept them for what they are instead of having unrealistic expectations…to let go.

Other people, that is.

Forgiving myself is another matter entirely. It seems like every time I turn around God is saying, “Tammy, we’ve had this conversation before. I forgave you. If I forgave you, you can certainly forgive yourself.” Most recently, it was…

We’ve been over this. Holding onto your own past mistakes is twice as destructive as holding onto the mistakes of others… Don’t you realize how much Paul had to forgive himself for? You’ve never murdered anyone; he did. He had so much wrong in his life… but he was able to forgive himself so completely that he was able to stand before the very people he had been killing and say, “I have wronged no man.” And he meant it.

You are a new creation every time you ask me for forgiveness, Tammy. Let that old creature go!”

None of us are perfect. This is one fact we should always remember as we are put in positions were we need to forgive – especially when the ones needing forgiven are Me, Myself, and I.

Celebrating Jesus!
Tammy C

Think Before You Throw

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Something happened this morning that reminded me of something really stupid that I did many years ago.

Okay, so it wasn’t STUPID…exactly…but it taught me a hard lesson.

I was cleaning and found what looked like a random piece of plastic–something off a toy, or perhaps from a makeup container. I didn’t think twice about it; I just threw it away.

It was probably months later that I realized I had casually thrown away the crystal from Jack’s grandfather’s pocket watch. To say I was crushed would understate matters. Jack forgave me long ago, may not even remember me doing it, but to this day just thinking about it makes me cringe.

How many things in this life do we throw away without really thinking about it? I’m not really talking about “things” anymore. I mean… Do we sometimes throw away relationships over what should be a temporary squabble? Do we throw away… Nah, the list would be endless, but you get the picture.

We need to stop and think, sometimes… “Is this really something that needs to be thrown away, or is there more value here than I’m seeing in this moment?”

Celebrating Jesus!
Tammy C

Seasons

Tammy M Cardwell1 Comment

It’s been interesting… Getting my domain name and setting up this WordPress blog have taken me back ten years and more. Truly, it feels almost odd… coming back into a world I used to practically live in. Well, my family certainly thought I lived here. For years, most of my work and much of my leisure took place online. As a homeschooler, I found both my support and those who needed my support right here. As a Christian, I met others who stretched my faith and helped me grow in astounding ways. As a parent, I gained worlds of insight and gleaned from others’ experiences. As an author, speaker, and teacher, I made contact right here.

That season began in the early days of AOL when we all loved to hear those famous words, “You’ve got mail.” Truly, the Internet changed my life in myriad ways and I cannot help but wonder who I would be, and how my children might have grown up differently, without it.

Now I’m back, and I find myself wondering just what this new season will bring. What will happen with this blog? Only God knows. I have ideas, if I can learn enough about WordPress to implement them. I have goals, aspirations, dreams… There are definitely things I want to accomplish, bits of information I want to share, and as I grow in certain areas I relish the opportunity to help others grow too.

Let’s go!

Celebrating Jesus!
Tammy C