Have you ever thanked God for letting you walk through Hell?

While praying for some friends who seem to be stuck where spiritual maturity is concerned, I was drawn to reassess my own spiritual journey. I was saved at 13 (or thereabouts) and I loved God, but my progress toward spiritual maturity was more of an amble than a walk until I began attending church regularly as an 18-year-old.

Even then, it was a fairly leisurely walk until my husband had the first affair that I know of. At that point, in the midst of the spiritual fight of my life, everything changed. Driven deep into the arms of God by my desperation, I found my priorities shifting and He truly became my primary focus. I clearly remember telling Him at one point that I wanted the season to end, but I didn’t want to ever let go of the close relationship with Him that I’d developed in it. It was as if a switch had been flipped and a light I’d not even realized was available suddenly flooded my soul. Having gained that light, I was determined not to lose it.

So, as I thought about these people that I was praying for, I asked God what made the difference, why I’d been unable to reach that place of intimacy before being thrown into the spiritual battle. His answer was instant—and humbling.

“You were caught in complacency.”

I’ve advised many people that, when making important decisions, you should follow peace because God is the author of peace. God is the only one who can give it; the closest the devil can come is complacency. With that in mind, you’ll understand why God’s answer paused my prayer and set me back a bit.

Because He was right.

Before the affair, my whole life was one of complacency. Yes, my marriage was not what it should have been, but I convinced myself that it could be worse. After all, he didn’t beat me like my stepfather had beaten my mother, so I could live with it. I was okay. It was just my “cross to bear.”

Back then, I would never have used the word, but with 20-20 hindsight, I see it clearly. I was complacent. Worse, I was complacent about my relationship with God. I was an active church member. I served. I took Bible classes when they were available and I read my Bible on my own—sometimes. I prayed—when I thought about it. I was satisfied that, as Mick said in Crocodile Dundee, “Yep, me and God, we’d be mates.” Mind you, I knew his view was unscriptural, but I was saved. Yep, I was saved, serving, and satisfied. And that’s exactly where complacency had trapped me.

Even as I write this, I just had to put the pen down
and walk away for a minute, take a breather.

Complacency is so dangerous and so very easy to get caught up in, to stay trapped in.

What would have become of my family if the affair hadn’t happened, if I’d not been driven into God’s arms? How would things have developed if I’d failed to wake up, if I’d continued in my meandering spiritual journey instead of diving into true intimacy with God and developing a genuine hunger for His Word?

If I had remained that spiritual teenager forever, how completely would I have failed my kids? I failed in many ways as it is. How much worse would it have been?

And again, I had to put the pen down
and step away for a minute.

Two of my greatest treasures in this life are my boys. I love them both with everything I have and am more proud of them than words can express. To think of the damage I would have done to them if I’d failed to mature spiritually, if I’d continued in my complacently casual walk with God, is painful.

I would not wish the hell I lived through during that season on anyone, but now more than ever, I thank God for walking me through it. Yes, the devil meant for it to destroy me. That’s obvious, and as my pastor would say, he did it because he knew my potential and wanted to stop me from reaching it. Instead, God used the devil’s weapon as a tool to jumpstart my journey and teach me lessons that would prove invaluable over and over again.

My heart is racing even now as thoughts of what could have been and what is rush through my mind, and I am grateful. Yes, I am genuinely grateful for that season. That experience being what it took to finally kick me out of being satisfied with my inadequate spiritual life and into true hunger for the things of God, I thank God for it!

Celebrating Jesus!
Tammy C