Am I Enough?

Have you ever been held back by self-doubt, procrastinated starting something because you weren’t sure you could accomplish what you envisioned…or even what you know for a fact God told you to do?

I have. In fact, I have this very week. God gave me an assignment while in prayer and my immediate reaction was, “But can I? Am I good enough? Who am I to think people should listen to me, to what I have to say?”

I’ve heard many times some version of “God doesn’t call the equipped. He equips the called,” and I know for a fact that it’s true. But still, I have my moments of feeling inadequate and if I don’t respond to those moments correctly they can lead to unproductive seasons.

That very thing happened with Experiencing the Bible. God told me to write it, and I began it, but more than once I stopped working on it because I felt so unqualified. It should have been available a long time ago, but I only actually published it in June of 2022 because I gave in to self-doubt so many times.

I’m currently working on a new book, a devotional. I also plan to start a newsletter in which, among other things, I’ll share some of the devotions that will be published when I finish the book. Yes, I have some definite pieces in mind to write, and I actually do quite a bit of writing in my head anyway, but l’m way behind schedule in part because I sometimes don’t feel like I’m enough.

I’ve learned that the mastery of self-doubt is the key to success.

Will Smith

Will Smith is right about mastering self-doubt. The fact is, most people do fight feelings of inadequacy, occasionally need a boost of self-confidence. Those who succeed are the ones who learn to master it, to lean on what God has to say about them rather than what the people around them say or even what they believe about themselves.

We were all sinners until Christ saved us. He didn’t care.
We are all inadequate when God calls us. He doesn’t care.

We may not realize it, but there’s no way we start out ready to accomplish all He has planned for us, because His plans will always be bigger than what we can do on our own. This is why He repeatedly offers assurance in His Word. One of my favorite verses on this topic, which I stand on all the time, is In 2 Corinthians.

And God is able to make all grace overflow to you so that because you have enough of everything in every way at all times, you will overflow in every good work.

2 Corinthians 9:8 NET

So here’s the answer to the question, “Am I enough?”

Maybe not right now, but if God has told you to do it he will also make you able to walk through it. He will provide everything you need to become enough. Today, when He hands you the assignment or gives you the dream, choose to start where you are and begin moving forward. He’ll make you able. In fact, since He is both Alpha and Omega, Beginning and End, as far and He’s concerned, you already are enough!

Celebrating Jesus!
Tammy C

Self-confidence

Copyright Tammy Cardwell 2014
Copyright Tammy Cardwell 2014

The portrait you’re looking at took me so long to complete that the one who commissioned it could have had a baby while she waited. Why did it take me so ridiculously long to finish such a simple piece? Was I so overbooked with commissions that my pencil couldn’t fly fast enough?

Hardly.

This commission came in while I was working on a special piece for an auction. The image, which happened to be of Jesus, had been in my head for years and I was excited to draw it. The auction supports great ministries, and I was thrilled to be able to contribute. Everything was going perfectly. The wood of the cross looked awesome. The clothing draped just right. The hands were amazing. and then I got to the head and face; these were my undoing. No matter how hard I worked, how much I reworked, I simply could not get it right. And then I ran out of time.

I “finished” the drawing, but even as I took it to the framer I was ashamed of it. It wasn’t just bad; it was humiliatingly, publicly bad. That it sold for less than I’d paid to have it framed was no surprise; I was glad it brought anything at all – and hoped that everyone would forget I’d produced anything so regrettable.

I have no idea how many pencil portraits I’ve done through the years, but I’ve drawn enough that I feel confident in saying I’m good at what I do. Even so, this whole experience shattered my self-confidence. the wise thing would have been to pick my pencils right back up and start on something else – anything else – but I didn’t. It was many months before I could bring myself to even pull out my supplies. Admittedly, laziness and procrastination were factors in the delay, but they were fed by fear of failure.

Strange as it may seem, I share this story to encourage you. How many singers have had their confidence hammered after blowing the National Anthem on the Little League field? How many young dancers have been ready to quit after going left while everyone else danced gracefully to the right? How many aspiring thespians have considered switching to Botany after mangling a monologue? It happens to the best of us.

Sometimes, hopefully most of the time, we’re able to stand back up, brush ourselves off, and get back to it. Then there are the times when we lie there, paralyzed for a while before something gives us the strength to rise again.

Swiftly or slowly (Swiftly is so much better!), the key is to DO IT. When hit with such a blow, we need to be like David who, after discovering the destruction at Ai, encouraged himself (1 Sam 30:6) and managed to get up and do the next thing – and he recovered all that had been lost. Fear is a terrible enemy, but we can conquer it. YOU can!

I’m not proud of how long it took me to complete this portrait. I am, however, proud of the work; it is every bit as good as I knew (somewhere inside) it could be. I am also grateful for the amazing patience of the friend who commissioned it, and for the vitally important lesson I’ve learned once again.

“Down” is not someplace anyone wants to be, especially over something so absurd. I’ve decided that, should such a thing happen again, I will take a page from David’s book and encourage myself (or read myself the Riot Act). I have to; there’s another picture waiting to be drawn!

Celebrating Jesus!
Tammy C