faith

Don’t Own It

Tammy M CardwellLeave a comment

At one point, I very much wanted a shirt that said, “Don’t own it!” and referenced 1 Peter 5:7.

Casting all your care upon him; for he careth for you.

1 Peter 5:7 KJV

Why did I want this shirt? Because I needed the reminder, of course!

I have had a tendency, in the past, to take on other people’s problems as if they were my own. Now, empathy is a good thing, a very good thing. Being consumed by others’ problems is not, and that’s what I would let happen.

So, sad to say, then I would flip. I put a wall around my heart so I could hear about other people’s issues yet stay totally separated from them. Needless to say, this was equally as bad. Yes, it “protected” me from being consumed by the other person’s pain, but it also meant I was petty much useless to them spiritually.

Both ends of the spectrum are demonic, in case you haven’t realized this already. God is in the balance one finds in the middle. So yes, when a need comes to your attention take it, but don’t keep it. Don’t own it. If you take ownership, refusing to hand it over to God (who is the only One capable of handling everything), you don’t help them and you harm yourself. Cast all cares on Him; He can handle it and it’s what He wants.

It’s a simple concept, but oh did it take me a while to learn to walk it out.

Celebrating Jesus!
Tammy C

Make God Your Refuge

Tammy M CardwellLeave a comment

I apologize.
This has been sitting in my drafts since we were working on the site move.
I greatly regret the delay!

Although the red flags, which had begun waving before our marriage, started becoming more obvious when we moved in with his parents after six months of marriage, things didn’t blow up for me until he had his first affair (that I knew of) some years later. The experience crushed me.

And that, being crushed, drove me deep into God’s arms.

It’s sad that it so often takes truly horrific experiences to send us to the one place we most need to be! As a pretty typical American Christian, I thought I was doing well. I attended church regularly, served, tithed, read my Bible (some), prayed (fairly often)… All of that was good, and it was a start, but we were created for exactly what Adam had in the garden – an intimate relationship with God, one where we spend regular, quality time with Him as our sole focus.

I had young children, so I was able to keep myself distracted from what my husband was doing during the day, but once the boys went to bed and he was with the other woman, ignoring my repeated calls (which he’d explain away as bad cell signal the next day), it was just me and a waiting God.

I don’t remember how long it took me to wake up and turn completely to Him, but at some point I did. I changed my own actions, choosing to spend those endless hours in prayer, worship, and His Word.

Psalm 91 is fantastic, containing powerful instructions and promises that I and many others pray and declare regularly. It was in this season that I learned the reality of verses 1 and 2.

He who dwells in the secret place of the Most High
Shall abide under the shadow of the Almighty.
I will say of the LORD, “He is my refuge and my fortress;
My God, in Him I will trust.”

Psalm 91:1-2 (NKJV)

In turning my focus entirely on God during those long nights, I opened a door to a whole new relationship with Him. In getting to know Him better and better, developing a truly intimate relationship and learning to more clearly hear and understand His voice, I came to that precious place.

In the midst of the worst days of my life to that point, I was living in God’s secret place, hidden under the shadow of His wings. I had run to Him as my refuge, found myself safe in the fortress that was my God, and I was confident that if everyone else failed me I would always be able to trust Him.

I kept prayer journals at the time and I clearly remember telling Him in both prayer and my prayer journal that I didn’t want to lose what I had found in Him, what we had developed in the middle of the fire I was walking through. I straight up said that, while I wanted out of the fire, I was afraid that I would lose my focus when I left, that I would lose that closeness that was so radically changing me.

In point of fact, I had a group of online friends who knew what was going on and were genuinely worried about me. I emailed them at one point, and shared what would later become a blog post entitled “The View from Inside the Furnace.” I had discovered I had much in common with Shadrach, Meshac, and Abednego who, while they obviously hadn’t wanted to be thrown into the fire, abruptly found themselves having private time with Jesus.

Like me, they suddenly were in no hurry to leave. Like me, they probably learned things in that time that changed their lives forever. Like me, they were perfectly safe while in the very midst of the flames. They didn’t leave the furnace until they were commanded to.

Like them, I walked out of that particular fire changed forever, freer than I had been when I was thrown in, and not smelling of smoke.

Admittedly, in years since this hellish season, I’ve had times of being more intentional and less intentional where my relationship with God is concerned, but I have never let myself walk away from my Refuge. It has always been God who has brought me through, and to this day I am grateful that I was driven so deeply into His arms during that time.

Understand that I could just as easily have run in a different direction. I could have stayed buried in the books I loved to read. I could have turned to drink or drugs as so many do. I could have let the fear and pain eat away at me until I landed in a hospital’s psychiatric ward. I didn’t.

I didn’t because I chose
to make God my refuge.

God is not only the only refuge you need, He is the only real refuge. We can try to do it on our own, but we aren’t meant to carry those kinds of burdens. His plan has always been for us to run to Him.

Make God your Refuge.

Celebrating Jesus!
Tammy C

Like a Bride

Tammy M CardwellLeave a comment

A friend’s recent Facebook post reminded me of a conversation I had with God some time back. She had been talking to God about the Rapture, and what He told her was so close to what He said to me that I had to come share, or share again if by some chance I’ve posted on the topic before.

I am excitedly looking forward to the Rapture! I watch as evil and deception grow more prevalent in the world, natural disasters become mind-numbingly common, and we seem to be nearing World War III and, though it pains me on the one hand, on the other hand I know it’s just more indication that Jesus is coming back very soon.

So why was I talking to God about this particular topic? Well, yet another person had said something to imply my focus was on the wrong thing. (Yes, I’m referring to the old slam about being “so heavenly minded you’re no earthly good.”) Keeping my focus on God and doing all He asks me to do is vitally important to me, so I went to Him with the question just to make sure I’m still on track. And do you know what He told me?

It would be unnatural
for a bride not
to look forward excitedly
to being united with her groom.

Needless to say, I stopped being worried about what others thought. I am excited, and I am excited for good reason, but my excitement doesn’t distract me from one of my primary purposes on this earth – telling people about Jesus and helping them grow closer to God. Rather, it drives me forward, especially as I see so many in the church, so many pastors even, completely ignoring the import of the book of Revelation.

Of course, you know my stance on the importance of reading and studying the whole Bible from Genesis to Revelation. At least you do if you’ve read much of my work. I wrote Experiencing the Bible: A Guide and Journal specifically to help Christians who don’t know how to “get into the Word” come to a greater understanding of the Scriptures and a closer relationship with God. It’s obviously great for more mature Christians too, but the bottom line is that my focus is on expanding the Kingdom of God, which is right where it belongs.

And since I am not unnatural,
my excitement is right in line.

The Bride of Christ, the Church, is destined to be united with Jesus Himself and be with Him forever. This is HUGE! Yet it seems to me that the vast majority of Christians don’t even think about Eternity, much less the glaring neon signs all around us that indicate the church will be taken out of here very soon!

Ok, maybe you don’t know what I’m talking about. A quick web search will probably give you more information on the Rapture (including criticism) than you could imagine, but here’s a super condensed synopsis. In these Last Days, a day will come when those who are in Christ will be taken off the earth. We call it the Rapture. Rapture isn’t a word you’ll find in the Bible, but if you go back to original texts you’ll find the word “harpazo,” which means…

  1. to seize, carry off by force
  2. to seize on, claim for one’s self eagerly
  3. to snatch out or away

It has also been translated as “to rapture.”

If you do know this, then you probably also know Matthew 24:36 (NET): “But as for that day and hour no one knows it–not even the angels in heaven–except the Father alone.” This verse is another reason people like to avoid thinking about The Rapture. After all, if you can’t know the day or the hour, what’s the use?

The thing is, you CAN know the season, and we are in it.

In Matthew 24 and Luke 21, Jesus tells His disciples the parable of the fig tree. Throughout the Old Testament, the fig tree represents Israel as a nation, so we know this parable is about the nation of Israel. Jerusalem was devastated in 70AD and Israel was ripped apart by invaders, ceasing to be the nation the Jews had always known. The Jews were then scattered throughout the world (which had been prophesied) and Israel became a wasteland that no one wanted because she had nothing to offer.

It wasn’t until May of 1948 that Israel was, in essence, recreated as a nation/state by countries that determined reparation had to be made for the Holocaust, that the Jews must have a home. Last year, Israel celebrated 75 years as a nation. So let’s go back to Matthew 24.

“Learn this parable from the fig tree: Whenever its branch becomes tender and puts out its leaves, you know that summer is near. So also you, when you see all these things, know that he is near, right at the door. I tell you the truth, this generation will not pass away until all these things take place. Heaven and earth will pass away, but my words will never pass away.”

Matthew 24:32-35

No, no man can know the day or the hour; God hadn’t even told Jesus at that point. We can know this, however. My father’s generation saw the budding of the fig tree, the rebirth of the nation of Israel, and right here Jesus says that generation will not pass away. There are various opinions on just how long a generation is. I believe it’s 70 to 80 years, because that’s pretty much the average life span, but at the outside it could only be 70 to 100 years. Go out 100 years from 1948 and you have 2048, which is only 24 years away.

No matter how you look at it that’s not long, and every pre-rapture prophecy has been fulfilled, so the only thing holding Jesus back is The Father. God has a specific plan in mind and will fulfill it in His time. While we wait, we need to be getting ready for the wedding. It’s past time to get excited!

If you want an inexpensive and quick read
that will help you better understand what
I’ve shared today, grab a copy of
Amir Tsarfati’s little book, Any Day Now.

Celebrating Jesus!
Tammy C

To My Younger Self

Tammy M CardwellLeave a comment

I was at a meeting, recently, where four more mature ladies were each asked to speak for ten minutes on what they would tell their younger selves. Every one of them shared things I could benefit from, and I took mental notes. Some of their thoughts were so valuable that I found myself asking, “Tammy, what would you tell younger Tammy?”

Whether I was addressing 36, 26, or 16-year-old Tammy, my answer would be the same.

The most important thing you can do in life
is develop an intimate relationship with God.

My 16-year-old self would have accepted the advice, I hope, but she would have been puzzled. She had enough of a Christian background that she understood the value of having God in her life, or thought she did, but she did not have enough training to know exactly what that entailed. She’d not yet received the Baptism in the Holy Ghost and was only just learning that there were people around her who were actively seeking God on a personal level.

My 26-year old self had a four year old and a one year old. She was filled with the Holy Ghost, growing spiritually, active in church, and definitely seeking God, but she was also tired. Her marriage still appeared to be good (Yes, she was pretty naive), so she had that, but the responsibilities of raising two young men were beginning to dawn on her. She was looking to the future and wondering…a lot of things.

My 36-year old self was facing a marriage in serious trouble, the challenges of teen hormones, and the sure knowledge that God was her only answer. She knew He was the only One who could help her not only make it through days and nights of wondering what was up with her husband, but wondering if everything she was trying to invest in her children was enough.

I’ve written about this season of my life before. You can read pieces of my testimony in
A Different Kind of New Year’s Post,
At Last It All Makes Sense,
And all of my Surviving Narcissism posts.

By this point in my life, I was growing spiritually specifically because my personal battles kept me on my knees. With my husband spending many nights supposedly doing innocent things while I knew for a fact he was in another woman’s arms, I spent hours seeking God’s face. If you’ve read The View from Inside the Furnace, you have some idea what I’m talking about. This season was the one in which I learned what I would tell my younger self.

Younger Self, you will save yourself a lot of struggles and agony down the road if you will do one thing: Seek a personal, intimate relationship with God. I’m not talking about just praying when you need His help. I’m not talking about just going to church every Sunday, or even every time the doors are open. I’m not talking about just reading your Bible on occasion. Those are all great, but they’re not enough. Religion, in and of itself, is not enough.

I’m talking about relationship.

Sixteen-year-old Tammy, you really don’t understand relationships yet. You think the friends you have right now will be there forever. But the me of today, over forty years later, can tell you that exactly one of them is. And actually, she’s the one who will help lead you closer to God. Everyone else? You may talk to them on social media every once in a while, but they’re not the friends you knew back then. People will come and go throughout your life. You’ll lose your parents far too early. You will eventually get married and one day he’ll be gone. You will have children. As they grow they’ll move out and live their own lives. You will have grandchildren, who have their own lives to live too. In the end, only God remains.

God, if you let Him, will be your closest companion not only in this life but in Eternity as well. But…

Relationships don’t just happen. They require time spent in one another’s presence, conversation (which is both speaking and listening), and actively paying attention to what brings the other joy. If you want the intimate relationship with God that I’m urging you to develop starting right now, you need to begin actively reading, studying, devouring His Word, the Bible. As you do, you’ll get to know The Word, who is Jesus Christ. (No, you don’t understand that yet either, but you will.) You also need to set aside time, the more the better, to talk to Him and to listen to what He has to say. He really will talk to you, and it’s wonderful! You also need the Baptism in the Holy Ghost, which will empower you like nothing you’ve ever experienced. You can’t even begin to imagine the impact it will make on your life!

I promise you, if you do this, your life will turn out very different from the one I’ve lived. God has used the hard times in my life to make me the strong woman I am today, but if I’d prepared myself ahead of time, if I’d gone into those battles already a strong woman of God, things would have been very different. They can be for you.

Yes, that’s pretty much it, what I’d say to my younger self.
Sadly, I’m not sure she would have taken me seriously. She really thought she knew what she was doing.

Today? I’m…

Celebrating Jesus!
Tammy C

When God Speaks

Tammy M CardwellLeave a comment

I’m popping in quickly. I have to share.

I’ve been going through some papers and just now stumbled across this. I vaguely remember writing it down a very long time ago. It says…

This is what life should have been all along,
the relationship I desire to have with everyone.
You are no more special than anyone else.
You have merely developed the art of listening
and learned to trust your ability to hear.
–God to me

Apparently I was talking to God about how much I valued our relationship, and He let me know that what we have, and even more than what we had then (Since He draws me closer every day), is exactly what He wants to have with everyone. I mean, think about it. Why did He create Adam? I totally believe it was for fellowship. He longs for us to reach out to Him and accept Him not just as a supplier of our needs, but as the best Friend, best Father, best Brother, best Teacher we could ever have.

A friend texted me today asking for three tips for someone who wants to grow their relationship with God. Here’s my response.

  • Consistently and comprehensively study the Bible – all of it, not just what makes you comfortable.
  • Consistently and intentionally spend time in conversation with God – with listening being a priority.
  • Consistently be watching for ways to make Him happy.

If you think about it, this is essentially the same things you do to develop a strong relationship with anyone. Get to know everything you can about them, spend quality and quantity time with them, and strive to make them happy.

Anyone can have the relationship I have with God, one that is constantly growing as I grow. You just have to decide it’s important to you and do your part to make it happen. As He said to me, develop the art of listening and learn to trust your ability to hear.

Celebrating Jesus!
Tammy C

Worry is Insidious

Tammy M CardwellLeave a comment

It’s also a form of fear.

Shakespeare assured us that a rose, no matter what you called it, would still smell like a rose. Fear, no matter what you call it, is still fear, and as Christians we too often put God in the position of having to remind us of this fact. Like He reminded me not too long ago.

I was made aware of two situations that had me very much in God’s face, reminding Him of His Word, asking Him to move on behalf of the people involved, talking at Him a LOT.

Nothing wrong there, right?
So I thought at first.

Yes, I was interceding on behalf of my friends, which was undeniably the right thing to do. But then I woke up to what I was really doing, and my prayers changed. “What do you mean, Tammy?” I’m so glad you asked!

I was recently approached about a conflict and asked for advice. I felt strongly that one of the people was in chronic worry mode, being motivated by fear, and if they would conquer that fear (with God’s help, obviously) the conflict would resolve itself.

So, I took that situation and the person in question, to God. In no time at all, He connected this person’s situation with my earlier, somewhat desperate, prayers and strongly advised me to come here and share with you. 

Here’s the bottom line. In both cases, no matter what we called it, even if we assured ourselves that we were merely concerned or anxious, or perhaps admitted we were worried, we were both being motivated by fear.

In case you don’t realize it, God addresses the issue of fear hundreds of times in the Bible and makes it clear that faith and fear don’t mix. They are, in fact, diametrically opposed. Faith is confidently putting something in God’s hands. Fear, in any form, is refusing to leave it in God’s hands. Fear thinks God can’t really be trusted. Fear interferes with God as He is working.

You know how, in cooking, you prep some things and then put them on the stove where you must leave them alone for a while? That time when it’s left to cook is vital; if you give into temptation and stir the pot, you may ruin all you’ve worked for.

So, picture God prepping and putting the pot on the stove. He’s watching it carefully, but in your fear and impatience you grab a spoon and start stirring.

You mean well. You really do. Even so, in your worry that God won’t get it right you decide you need to take control of the situation, or at least feel like you’re taking control. God loves you, and the truth is He’ll let you yank that spoon away from Him even though He knows better than you do. If you’re a parent who has dealt with childish actions like these, you can imagine how your lack of trust makes Him feel.

Motivation matters regardless of what we’re doing. I really care about the people I was praying for, but it was only when I moved beyond my initial fear-founded prayers and into faith-based prayer that my prayers had true power. It was only then that I found genuine peace even knowing that, in that instant, nothing had noticeably changed. It was then that I was able to hear the voice of God and know what to do next.

Fear is insidious and wears many guises. We all must keep our shields up and ensure we don’t slip into being motived by it instead of faith.

Celebrating Jesus!
Tammy C

Am I Enough?

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Have you ever been held back by self-doubt, procrastinated starting something because you weren’t sure you could accomplish what you envisioned…or even what you know for a fact God told you to do?

I have. In fact, I have this very week. God gave me an assignment while in prayer and my immediate reaction was, “But can I? Am I good enough? Who am I to think people should listen to me, to what I have to say?”

I’ve heard many times some version of “God doesn’t call the equipped. He equips the called,” and I know for a fact that it’s true. But still, I have my moments of feeling inadequate and if I don’t respond to those moments correctly they can lead to unproductive seasons.

That very thing happened with Experiencing the Bible. God told me to write it, and I began it, but more than once I stopped working on it because I felt so unqualified. It should have been available a long time ago, but I only actually published it in June of 2022 because I gave in to self-doubt so many times.

I’m currently working on a new book, a devotional. I also plan to start a newsletter in which, among other things, I’ll share some of the devotions that will be published when I finish the book. Yes, I have some definite pieces in mind to write, and I actually do quite a bit of writing in my head anyway, but l’m way behind schedule in part because I sometimes don’t feel like I’m enough.

I’ve learned that the mastery of self-doubt is the key to success.

Will Smith

Will Smith is right about mastering self-doubt. The fact is, most people do fight feelings of inadequacy, occasionally need a boost of self-confidence. Those who succeed are the ones who learn to master it, to lean on what God has to say about them rather than what the people around them say or even what they believe about themselves.

We were all sinners until Christ saved us. He didn’t care.
We are all inadequate when God calls us. He doesn’t care.

We may not realize it, but there’s no way we start out ready to accomplish all He has planned for us, because His plans will always be bigger than what we can do on our own. This is why He repeatedly offers assurance in His Word. One of my favorite verses on this topic, which I stand on all the time, is In 2 Corinthians.

And God is able to make all grace overflow to you so that because you have enough of everything in every way at all times, you will overflow in every good work.

2 Corinthians 9:8 NET

So here’s the answer to the question, “Am I enough?”

Maybe not right now, but if God has told you to do it he will also make you able to walk through it. He will provide everything you need to become enough. Today, when He hands you the assignment or gives you the dream, choose to start where you are and begin moving forward. He’ll make you able. In fact, since He is both Alpha and Omega, Beginning and End, as far and He’s concerned, you already are enough!

Celebrating Jesus!
Tammy C

What Made the Difference? A Question About the Book of Daniel.

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I’m currently reading Amir Tsarfati’s new book Discovering Daniel, which is of course about the book of Daniel. It is proving to be every bit as good as his earlier book, Revealing Revelation, and there will be a review posted when I finish it. In the meantime, it’s got me doing a lot of thinking, and one of the paths my brain went down is demanding extra attention.

If you’re unfamiliar with the book of Daniel, the brief setup is that, because of its continual sin against God, Jerusalem was sacked and its best and brightest youth (boys, not men) were packed up and shipped back to Babylon. Well, they may very well have been forced to march those hundreds of miles, but you know what I mean.

So.
My thoughts.

All these Hebrew boys had been taken from their homes, dragged hundreds of miles to a totally new world, made eunuchs (something I can’t believe I’d never realized before), and indoctrinated into a radically different way of life. Every one of them had been completely stripped of his identity and, as far as we know, fallen into the trap that was Babylonian culture – except the four God ended up using in supernatural ways. 

What made the difference?

That’s been my question for a few days, and it’s one I’m still asking because I believe the answer is significant for us in our day and time. Why do some of our children stand strong when they get out into the new culture that is college or some other aspect of “the world” while so many others crumble? Why do people who have been attending church for years “suddenly” walk away, and not just away from church but away from God?

I see many factors at play. Clearly those we know as Shadrach, Meshach, Abednego, and Daniel had genuine convictions about what they had been taught all their lives, including the fact that theirs was a God they dare not fail. They had truly learned from their nation’s history, and surely understood why judgement had fallen on Jerusalem. I personally feel God had probably already done things to validate their faith, too, since that seems to be His habit with those whose hearts are true to Him. 

Regarding their steadfastness, I’ve thought of several potential contributing factors. All things considered, however, I really believe one of the biggest reasons they stayed so faithful to God was their group relationship. The Bible says a companion of fools suffers harm, and I have a feeling these four had guarded against such companionship, that for years they had been supporting each other in their faith and helping one another grow. It is clear from the book of Daniel that they continued to support each other, encouraging one another to stay strong in their faith in this new setting.

Some people like to say, “I can worship God as well on the lake as in church,” as an excuse not to be involved in church, but it can be very hard to continue serving God in a relationship vacuum. Like these four amazing boys, we need each other. That three-fold cord that can’t be broken? (Eccl. 4:9-12) You don’t find it among those who are out there floundering. You find it in companionship with other people who are “of like precious faith,” people who will build you up while you build them up. 

That is one of the big reasons these four held fast when their entire visible identity was ripped away from them and a carefully planned course of brainwashing implemented. I’m convinced of it. 

Today, we do have God living inside us, teaching us, strengthening us, guiding us, and in general making the difference, but we still need that strong connection to other believers. We must have those true relationships that help us stay strong no matter what the world throws at us. God designed us to need such fellowship, and He commanded us to seek it out regularly in Hebrews 10:25.

I’d say we don’t have a choice, but we do. We can do like the rest of those Hebrew boys did and let ourselves be molded by the world, becoming just like them and in essence unrecognizable to our God. As parents, we can let our kids do the same and watch them fall into the traps set in our universities and the other places young people hang out.

But why? Why would we?

Celebrating Jesus!
Tammy C

May I Please Get Back to “Normal”?

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Actually, if I can just get back to what passes for normal… Yes, that sounds good!

Seriously, it was one month ago today that I posted Why Has Tammy Been Quiet?
It was eleven days ago that I posted, Sometimes You Just Keep Fighting.

It was THIS WEEK that I finally felt RIGHT again. I really was recovering when I made that post on May 6th, but one thing this whole event has taught me is that you don’t recover as quickly at 62 as you do at, say, 42.

I fought and made it through the work weeks, though exhaustion followed me home. Weekend before last my body shut down on me, demanding true recovery time. Last weekend was some better, though I felt like my brain was mush and still didn’t have it in me to think seriously about anything beyond the most basic household chores.

This Monday, while at work, I abruptly realized I was back to thinking totally clearly. I’ve still not been sleeping right, or not consistently, so I was ready to go to bed long before bedtime on Monday, but I was only sleepy rather than exhausted as I had been after work every week for weeks. Also, my brain proved itself to be back in order over the past two days when it let me take some very important training and pass the final exam. YAY!

In “Sometimes You Just Keep Fighting,” I said, “When God gives you an assignment, the devil is going to try to distract you, derail you, stop you.” At that point, I was talking about my calling in the church and the importance of the fundraiser I was working on. Today, however, I realized just how completely the devil managed to derail me where this blog is concerned. This, too, is my calling. I’m here for a reason, to serve a purpose, and for the past month the only word you’ve had from me came in the form of posts I scheduled weeks and, in some cases, months ago.

I’m so sorry.

Yesterday, as I left the office, I actually had a list of “catch up” errands I really need to take care of this weekend, but the Houston area was the recipient of some insane weather yesterday evening that left much of our area without power thanks to straight line winds that left a wide path of destruction. (Thank God our town, to my knowledge, didn’t see the threatened tornadoes!) Yes, we were part of the power outage and downed trees; the power came on at about 6:30 this morning. Praise God, the outside temp had dropped so dramatically that I actually slept ok. Well, as ok as I have been. After all those weeks of interrupted sleep, my body seriously needs to reset.

Anyway, I decided this morning that it doesn’t make sense to run any errands in this tree-and-trash ridden, many-areas-without-power town, so I’ve come to do some important catching up here instead.

I’ve already answered several more questions for my web developer today, so we’re making some progress there. This is your official, rambling update, so yay me…sort of. LOL! Now I have to decide what to do next, and I’m so far behind in all areas that I’m a bit overwhelmed by the number of options, but I’ll get it figured out. More to the point, I’ll look to God and ask for the next step.

THAT is one of the biggest bits of advice I can give you today. When you’re overwhelmed to the point of not even being able to face your To Do list, just ask God, “Sir? What do I do next?” If you let Him, The Holy Spirit will step in and lead you by the hand. If I didn’t already know this truth, I would after the last six weeks or so: As bad as I got mentally, God’s step-by-step leading was what got me through many of my days.

Celebrating Jesus!
Tammy C

Review: Hope for Healing from Domestic Abuse

Tammy M CardwellLeave a comment

A domestic abuse survivor recommended that I read Hope for Healing from Domestic Abuse: Reaching for God’s Promise of Real Freedom, by Karen DeArmond Gardner. I took her advice because, as I hope I’ve made clear, I’m no expert on this topic. I can and will speak from my own experience and the stories others have shared with me, but I truly feel inadequate; I’m doing it because God has pushed me to, not because I consider myself qualified.

I do feel qualified, however, to recommend this book. It has not only educated me in areas of abuse and results of abuse that I’ve not dealt with, it has also forced me to deal with some things I didn’t even realize were issues in my life.

I never experienced physical abuse. Gardner did, so if you’ve been reading my posts and thinking, “Tammy, you just don’t know,” here’s someone who does, and she lived with the abuse for decades. She also experienced pretty much every other kind of abuse, which is why I found myself in these pages as well.

In case you’re still wondering, Hope for Healing from Domestic Abuse is for all of us – even those who are still living in their own personal hells, under their abusers’ control, and don’t know how to get out.

Gardner divides the book into sections that equate with the walk we all take on our journey to healing. In Part 1, we deal with the fact that we are, or were, victims. In Part 2, we’re survivors learning to breathe again. Part 3 introduces the overcomer, the one who learns to live again. In Part 4 we meet the Conqueror who can live freely. No, it’s not a literal roadmap. As is true with most things, we all have our own, unique experiences. However, the ground she covers is vast.

As you can see in the photo of my copy, I’ve done some serious marking and flagging. One of my favorite quotes, because it reflects exactly what I’ve been saying about my own experience, is found in Part 3.

“Your life will not be defined by what was done to you, but by what God does with what was done to you.”

Karen DeArmond Gardner

Gardner’s brutal honesty, with herself and us, is eye-opening. As many truths as I had already recognized about my own experience, with her help I saw even more. “Yes!” I shouted at one point. “Yes, it WAS abuse, and all this time I thought it was normal!”

Recovering from any abuse takes time. Recovering from domestic abuse definitely takes time, and patience, and honesty, and a willingness to be open to God’s touch in your life. This book is a great place to start that process and Gardner walks you carefully through the mine field of your memories and emotions, leads you right up to Jesus, and gives you practical steps to take to help you on your way.

Even her last section, after the official four parts, offers unexpected assistance.

  • How Does God Know What It Feels Like to be a Woman?
    Yes, she honestly answers this question.
  • Your Picker Isn’t Broken
    When you are ready to marry again, you will know what to look for.
  • Eight Questions You Don’t Have to Answer
    People inevitably ask questions. That doesn’t mean you owe them an answer.
  • God, Church, and Abuse
    Realistically, a lot of abuse happens that the church has no idea how to handle.
  • What Can the Church Do?
    This one is directed at church leadership, and it’s excellent!
  • Say This, Not That
    And this is for your friends, to help them understand.

As a fellow member of the club no one ever wants to join, Gardner has done right by the rest of us!

Celebrating Jesus!
Tammy C