Musings

Life Stinks

Tammy M Cardwell1 Comment

I find myself wondering how many, on this last day of 2015, are thinking these words…or worse. 

I could be. My husband, nephew, and I were in a wreck on the 20th. My nephew walked away, bless God, but my husband won’t be released from rehab until tomorrow and I’ve got a hip that is only just now letting me walk any distance and a fixator and pins holding my wrist together. 

Self-pity and depression are SO easy to fall into at times like this, and it would be easy to paint all of 2015 with the pain of today. But 2015 was a great year! I won’t bore you with the details, but this really was a great year, with lots of wonderful moments and days in it. 

Even in the midst of today’s chaos I’m finding things to genuinely thank God for. Again, I won’t bore you with the details, but when I asked God to help me find them I was suddenly able to see…and to be genuinely grateful that God is making lovely things come out of this truly ugly situation. 

I have had a few “Life stinks!” moments lately, but I’m getting past them-hopefully have gotten past them. I thank God for 2015 – with all its beauty and ugliness – and, as the fireworks light the night sky, my sleeping self (I don’t do midnight) will thank Him for the joys of the year to come. 

Celebrating Jesus!

Tammy C

The Road Home

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Copyright Tammy Cardwell
Copyright Tammy Cardwell

Only a short distance from this bridge, over which I’ve passed numerous times through the years, lies the entrance to New Hope Cemetery. This is an old cemetery with a fascinating collection of aged headstones. This is a rustic cemetery and it holds the earthly remains of some of my nearest and dearest.

Too many times, we’ve followed a hearse over this bridge, taking a loved one to their final resting place. Several times, we’ve crossed the bridge to visit the graves of those we’ve not seen in so very long. The last time I was there–the day I took this picture–we were “visiting” Mother.

You’d think this bridge would represent loss to me, would inspire pain, but it doesn’t. Why?

The answer lies in the cemetery’s name–New Hope. Yes, we’ve laid our loved ones to rest here, but I know that in each and every case they were born again and destined for Heaven. For them, and those of us who expectantly wait to see them again, this place offers hope indeed–hope of that new life, true LIFE that will never end–eternal life in the very presence of God, surrounded by those we love so much…HOME.

So this picture shows a path of hope, a man-made construct that bridges the past and that glorious future as we follow the road home.

Celebrating Jesus!
Tammy C

An Appropriate Gift

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At one time, I was very much into Victoriana. I read period fiction, collected ephemera and other items from that era, subscribed to Victoria magazine…

That was a long time ago, or so it seems. I’d already moved in other directions when we pretty much lost everything we owned in 2010. Since then, the busy-ness of life and the demands of life’s necessities have drawn me even further away from that time of my life. 

So it would seem inappropriate for one of my oldest and dearest friends to send me a copy of Victoria’s A Woman’s Christmas for my birthday. It would seem…

I picked it up and was instantly drawn in. I was… actually… transported. I suddenly found myself back in those days when our boys were young and Christmas was still a magical time for me, when I could hardly wait to put up the tree and spent months planning and shopping for just the right gifts. 

Those days are gone-hopefully not forever, but to be honest I’ve had a hard time finding the magic of late. So I am very grateful to my friend for empowering me to touch it again. Bless you, Marilyn, for sending me such an appropriate gift. 

Celebrating Jesus!

Tammy C

Immediate Forgiveness

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While praying this morning, I had a fresh revelation of the immediacy of God’s forgiveness. In the Old Testament, when man sinned he had to prepare a sacrifice and go make that sacrifice. This took time, and in the meantime he had to live with the knowledge of what he’d done, that he wasn’t right with God. Today, forgiveness is as close as a softly uttered, “Oh God, forgive me!”

Celebrating Jesus!

Tammy C

I’ll Never Know… THANK GOD!

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“I’ll never know how much it cost to see my sin upon that cross.”

Once again, it’s a line from a song that’s had my attention and made me think. 

Many parents have lost children. I thank God I’m not one of them, and thank Him that I can’t even imagine their pain; I wouldn’t want to. With that in mind, what about God’s pain when He sent Jesus to die for us? 

Sending your son to war where he may well get killed… That pain is beyond imagining, but for God, who has existed forever, to send to His death the One who has existed forever right there with Him, to be separated from Him for a time for the first time in Eternity… 

That isn’t cost. That’s COST. That is a God-sized pain that…

Someone told me, once, that we’ll know everything when we get to Heaven. I don’t believe that for multiple reasons (For instance, knowing everything would mean the end of growth and I don’t see God stopping us from growing.) and this is one of them. God is merciful, and in His mercy He will never let us know a pain so overwhelming that only He could handle it. 

I thank God I’ll never know that pain, and I thank Him for choosing to endure it…for me.

Celebrating Jesus!

Tammy C

Can’t Afford Not To

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When I began actively serving God in August of 1980, it seemed perfectly natural to tithe. I’d been raised at least somewhat in church, so tithing wasn’t new to me, and my new pastor was wise enough to teach a little about tithing at every service. I also eventually discovered Malachi 3:8: “Will a man rob or defraud God? Yet you rob and defraud Me. But you say, In what way do we rob or defraud You? [You have withheld your] tithes and offerings.” [AMP] When I saw that we owe God not only our tithes, but our offerings, I actively began to make those offerings as well.

The man I married the next year believed as I did, so we continued to tithe and give offerings until we reached what I think of as our moment of stupidity. In looking at our budget, we decided we couldn’t afford to tithe, that we would continue to give to God as we could, but the 10% just wasn’t possible.

Within three months, all hell broke loose in our finances. Yes, money had been tight before, but we’d had no idea just how much God was blessing us until we started robbing Him and removed our right to that blessing. Three months after we stopped tithing, we admitted that we couldn’t afford not to tithe, repented, and got back to doing what we knew to do. Three months or so after that, things were back to “normal.”

It only took that one time for us to learn our lesson. We’ve tithed and given offerings ever since, and though there have been undeniably tight times God has always blessed us, making our money stretch to seemingly impossible lengths. Clearly, no matter how challenging our financial situation gets, we always know it could be a LOT worse.

No, we can’t afford not to tithe – and give offerings.

Celebrating Jesus!
Tammy C

We Lay Our Crowns

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There is a line in a song we sing in church: “We bow down. We lay our crowns at the feet of Jesus.”

We sing this song in the present tense, and I recently realized the importance of doing this very thing. We may not wear literal crowns today, but most of us have areas in which we feel we rule, parts of our lives in which we take pride (often rightfully so), places where our “hat” is a crown.

When we lay everything else at Jesus’ feet–our burdens, our brokenness, our sickness, our pain–we should lay these crowns at His feet as well. In doing this, in submitting one’s whole life to Him, you see those strong places strengthened even more; also, when you recognize that no matter how much you “rule” in an area it is He who reigns supreme, you steer clear of the sin of pride.

It is far better to lay one’s crown down that to have it removed as a result of sin.

Celebrating Jesus!
Tammy C

The Past Comes Back

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Several years ago, I was on a road trip and a comment was made about the leaves changing colors. I’d recently learned the science behind it and offered the information that the colors are there all the time; they’re just covered up by the green of the chlorophyll. Instantly, one of my companions said, “There she goes…correcting us again.”

I was stunned, and I was hurt. I explained that no, I just found the information fascinating and had thought they would too. She understood and apologized, and we were good, but the incident stands in my memory as a reminder that, no matter how hard you try to avoid it, your past will sometimes come back to haunt you.

You see, I used to be really bad about correcting people. I assumed everyone was like me, wanting to know how to use good grammar, properly pronounce words, use expressions correctly, etc. When this event occurred, however, I had been actively not correcting people for a long time.

It came about as a result of correcting a friend (with pure motives, I assure you) and offending her. On that day I decided that I would never again correct her in any way unless she asked for it. It didn’t take long for me to realize this was the best policy to use with everyone. I do still occasionally correct people, but when I do it’s a slip up and I try to apologize. I can’t stop the edits that go on in my brain, but I can keep them from passing my lips.

So by the time the “always correcting” comment was made it didn’t apply anymore, but she was so locked into the way I used to be that she didn’t even realize it.

I’m glad I remembered this incident today. It’s a good reminder, to me, to not judge people by what they used to be, to not be the one who brings their past back to haunt them, but rather to accept them as who they are today. Sometimes that may mean I have to really look at them, taking a fresh look and even getting to know them all over again in a sense.

It’s worth the effort. Friendship is that important.
Celebrating Jesus!

Tammy C

Nobody’s Perfect

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It is interesting, how we expect people to be perfect. Non-Christians despise Christians because of their imperfections. Christians leave churches because of other Christians’ weaknesses. We cannot seem to get past the fact that man, even Christian man, makes mistakes – sometimes horrible mistakes. Why? Where did we get this idea that Christians are perfect? That any man is even capable of perfection?

Look closely at well-known Bible stories and you quickly discover just how imperfect our heroes really were. Moses, my personal favorite, had such a temper that it caused him to first flee Egypt and then lose the right to enter the Promised Land. Abraham walked in fear where his wife was concerned and practiced deceit as a result. So did Isaac. Jacob deceived his own father. David gave in to base lust, then murdered a man. Solomon… Wow.

From our earliest days, man has been imperfect. This is exactly why we needed a Savior, the Perfect Lamb. Having accepted His sacrifice, His great love that takes me – imperfect as I am – and makes me His own, I do not have the right to hold other Christians’ imperfections again them.

As was true in the past, it is true today. Nobody’s perfect.

Celebrating Jesus!
Tammy C

If It Were My Funeral

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I swiped the idea for this post from one I once posted to a blog I shut down ages ago. That post was prompted by hearing a minister say, at a funeral, “If _____ were here right now, he would say…”

Why, I wondered, should things I would say wait until my funeral to be said? So, if this were my funeral, I would say…

I hope you miss me, because that will mean I’ve touched your life, but you have no need to mourn. Finally, at last, I am where I’ve longed to be for so very long. I love you, and I’ve loved the life we’ve shared, but I love my God so much – so very much – more. Sometimes, especially in recent years, the homesickness for Heaven has been almost painful.

“I knew you before you were in your mother’s womb,” He says. I’ve believed this for years, and believed that I knew Him that early as well, that I was with Him in Heaven before ever being sent to Earth – and I’ve longed to go back. Paul said, “For me to die is gain.” YES! For the longest time, I’ve totally gotten what he meant by those words!

Loss is hard, and I get that too. “Losing” Mother was painful, but it helped when a friend pointed out that in reality she’d only moved away to a place I couldn’t go yet, that though we would be separated for a while I’d see her again when I made the same move. I’ve really been looking forward to seeing her again, and Daddy, and Granny and Grandaddy, and Mema and Pepa, and…

Now I ask you, please prepare to come meet us again too. If you’ve never accepted Jesus as your Savior, don’t know Him as your Lord, accept Him today. I look forward to visiting you in your mansion.

If it were my funeral, I think that’s pretty much what I would say.

Celebrating Jesus!
Tammy C