blind

Can You Imagine?

Tammy M CardwellLeave a comment

In February, I posted “I Can’t Imagine,” in which I shared my recent revelation that I have aphantasia and the rest of you don’t. Quick explanation: I have zero visual imagination. When I learned that most of you can not only see pictures but also movies in your heads I was floored.

This revelation has led to many conversations in various forums, and one thing has been consistent. Those who can see and experience everything that I’ve never known are genuinely sorry for me that I’m missing out on so much. Now, in reality, I don’t know what I’m missing. Do I kind of wish I could get in on the game? Sometimes, yeah, but I know it’s impossible and I tend to not waste my time on impossibilities.

There is one thing. If I do have a vision while in prayer or worship, if I find myself seeing something in my mind in similar fashion to what I’m guessing you all see, I know without a doubt that it’s from God because my imagination can’t create it. I don’t get these visions often, but now that I know what’s what I can have no doubts whatsoever about their origin, and that’s seriously cool.

Which brings me to a thought. If you’re a Christian, when I talk about my walk with God you can relate on at least some level. We both have the capability, as it were, to “see.”

If, on the other hand, you’ve never had a relationship with God, you’re like me in a sense. You can’t imagine the wonder and joy of having a relationship with Him because, like me with aphantasia, you’re blind to the possibility. And let me tell you, as much as those who have visual imaginations feel sorry for those of us who don’t, their feelings can’t touch what I feel for those who don’t have a relationship with God.

Listen, please. Unlike me, you don’t have to stay in the dark. You can reach out and accept the salvation that Jesus offers and enter into God’s very presence, learning how to walk closely with Him and know what it’s like to live inside His love and grace. I literally would not trade my relationship with God for anything – ANYTHING. I cannot express strongly enough what you are missing if you’re not walking with Him. Nothing compares, and knowing that this life is just the beginning, that I have eternity in His presence to look forward to… It’s wonderfully overwhelming just to think about.

So I encourage you to step out. Come to Jesus and accept what He did for you. He came and lived a sinless life specifically so that He would qualify as the perfect and final sacrifice. The blood of the lambs the Jews sacrificed covered their sins temporarily. When you accept the blood of Jesus that was shed on the cross, that blood washes your sin away completely, and God never thinks about it again. This, the removal of that sin, opens the door for you to enter into a relationship like none you’ve ever known. Honestly, you cannot imagine what will happen when you take that step; it’s beyond human ability to predict.

If you’re ready to accept Jesus as your Savior and Lord, it’s easy. Primarily, it’s about what’s in your heart, that you’ve decided to repent of your sins (meaning to turn your back on them and walk away) and accept His sacrifice, trusting His work on the cross to save you. Open your mouth and pray, talk to Him. There is no official “Sinner’s Prayer” that you have to seek out. It’s as simple as saying something like, “Lord, I know I’m a sinner, and I know that I cannot pay the price for my own sins. I need a Savior. I need You, the One who lived without sin and then let Himself be crucified for me. I accept Your sacrifice on the cross as payment for my sins, and I invite you to come live in my heart, to fill me with Your love and be the Lord of my life. I choose to spend the rest of my days, the rest of eternity, living for You, and I ask You to lead me, to help me become who You want me to be. Amen.”

And then do what you’ve promised; learn to become more like Him. In Luke 6:46, Jesus says, “And why call ye me, Lord, Lord, and do not the things which I say?” You’ve asked Him to be your Savior and Lord, so get into the Word of God (the Bible) and find out what He wants you to do. Get in a Bible-believing church, one where the minister actually preaches from the Bible (Sad, that I have to say that, but many ministers today don’t.), and learn from the man of God. Pray! That may sound intimidating, but think of it as talking to God on the phone without a phone. Seriously, when I’m praying, I’m real with my Creator…and He is real with me. Yes, He talks to me too! I spend most of my prayer time listening…or try to.

I promise you: While accepting Jesus in no way guarantees an easy life (On the contrary, the devil doesn’t like losing!), having Him by your side makes all the difference in the world…and more. I don’t have to imagine it; I live it daily. I hope you will choose to as well.

Celebrating Jesus!
Tammy C

If you want some help getting into the Bible, you may want to check out my book, Experiencing the Bible. It’s available in paperback, ebook, and audiobook, and it’s a practical answer to the question, “What do you mean, ‘Get into the Bible’?” It’s available in all formats on Amazon. The ebook can also be found at various retailers including Smashwords.com (where you can literally set your own price – even free).

Aphantasia Revelations

Tammy M Cardwell1 Comment

If you’ve not already read it, you may want to pop over to I Can’t Imagine, which is the post I made the day I discovered that I have aphantasia. Finally understanding why I didn’t recognize my own grandchild as a baby was… wow.

The past few days have been filled with revelations!

For those who don’t know, people with aphantasia have little to no ability to visualize. You know how, when you’re told to close your eyes and imagine you’re at the beach, you can see it and describe it? Yeah, I can’t. I got nothin’. I’ve always thought the “close your eyes and imagine” thing was figurative; learning that it’s literally possible for most of the world was a serious shock.

Mind you, I’m not upset that I’m mentally blind. I mean, I’ve never known life any other way. I’ve actually been having some of the most fascinating conversations in recent days, both with those who learned from my experience that they have it too, and with others who had no idea that “we” existed! Those of you who see a movie when you read a book? Mind blowing! And I’ve had more than one of “you” ask how I can possibly enjoy reading when I can’t see a movie of what I read. Believe me, I love to read!

The biggest thing is realizing that I’m not unobservant or, depending on context, downright stupid. Ask me to describe a person I was just talking to and, unless I’ve taken out my mental notebook and recorded details, I’ll not be likely to tell you much more than whether they’re male or female, adult or child…and maybe height based on how I tilted my head to look at them. Yes, I can literally turn away and lose them, mentally speaking. Friends who get haircuts or color your hair? I’m sorry if I offend you by not noticing, but the odds are really good that I’ll not even know you’ve done it, because although I know you when I see you I can’t remember the details of what you look like when you’re not there.

And I mean that literally. I tried to describe my husband earlier today. I didn’t get very far.

It’s just that visual thing! I can’t remember how many times I’ve had someone get disgusted when they would tell me to look for a certain person’s car. Nope. If I knew the make, model, and color that might help me…maybe, but I couldn’t even find my own sister’s car in a crowded parking lot if I didn’t have certain cues keyed into my memory. I learned long ago that when I get a new car I have to put on a bumper sticker and hang something from the rearview mirror before I ever venture into a parking lot. No. Not kidding.

This morning, I shared my discoveries with two of my co-workers. Later on in our conversation, once we’d changed topics, I almost busted out laughing. I was about to say, “I can’t imagine…” and abruptly realized that I literally can’t imagine what I was going to refer to. I’m still getting used to the idea that those words aren’t just a figure of speech for most people.

Learning that I’m not stupid has been such a blessing! Today was a red letter day where this is concerned. Graphic design, anything beyond extremely basic stuff, has always been out of my reach. I cannot express how frustrated I and people I’ve answered to have been with my inability to grasp and implement design concepts. Today it dawned on me; it’s because I literally can’t see it!

If you give me a picture and ask me to copy it, I can probably do so as long as the techniques required are things I’ve mastered. This is why I was able to do photorealistic pencil portraits back when that was my thing. I could sit there and look back and forth between the original and my drawing and do ok. What I could not do, at all, was create something from memory or imagination. You have to have visual memory and imagination to do that.

So where graphic design is concerned, I have no memory. I can “study” examples, but I can’t hold them in my head. Again, I have to have something in front of me and, going back and forth, I will possibly be able to recreate it in a graphics program. Take that example away and I’m done.

Frustrating? Absolutely, but at least now I understand! I. Am. Not. Stupid.

I’m almost in tears thinking about all the times I was driven to tears while trying to create graphics. Knowing the truth is so freeing!

So, if you have suddenly realized you have aphantasia on whatever level (There’s a scale, with some people having more mental vision than I do.), consider the blessings that come from knowing. Think about things that have made you feel “less than,” and give yourself permission to sigh in relief. You are not an idiot. You are not flawed. No one can blame a blind person for being blind.

And if you’re dealing with someone who is clearly intelligent, but has issues that are related to visual things, maybe you should ask some questions. Because, let me tell you, until a few days ago I literally had no idea – zero – that normal people see anything other than black when they close their eyes.

Celebrating Jesus!
Tammy C

For more information on this fascinating condition, you may want to check out aphantasia.com. You can even become a member for $7 a month or $70 a year and network with others who deal with this interesting issue.