I’ve been thinking about dating lately. Yes, about the possibility of me dating, but also about dating in general and what dating is and should be for the modern Christian.

What prompted this post?
I’m glad you asked.

A single friend told me that she’s had multiple presumably Christian men, some of whom she’s gone to church with for years, who at one point and another decided it was appropriate to slide into her DMs and invite her to their places for sex.

She’s not the first to tell me such stories. Another friend and I also had a conversation about having men who claim to be Christians fully expect her to go back home with them at the end of the evening.

This article isn’t going to be about sex.
I promise.

But in case you’re on the fence where sex and the Christian are concerned, let’s look at the Word for clarification.

Run from sexual sin!
No other sin so clearly affects the body as this one does.
For sexual immorality is a sin against your own body.
Don’t you realize that your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit,
who lives in you and was given to you by God?
You do not belong to yourself,
for God bought you with a high price.
So you must honor God with your body.
1 Corinthians 6:18-20 (NLT)

That’s about as clear as you can get, but here are a few more.
Hebrews 13:4
1 Thessalonians 4:3-5
Ephesians 5:3
Matthew 5:27-28

Like I said, it was the conversations about men claiming to be Christians while also encouraging women to sin that prompted me to write the article, but it’s not the point of the article.

In case you’re unfamiliar with my story, I spent decades married to an abusive narcissist who passed a few years ago. I’ve lived with the consequences of being married to a man who wasn’t on the same page I was, who clearly wasn’t right with God even though he was a declared Christian.

I have no intention of going there again.

I am, however, willing to marry again if that’s God’s plan for me, and He seems to be saying it is. So, dating with a purpose is now under serious consideration.

And I do mean dating with a purpose. I know people date all the time for many reasons, some good and some bad, but for me the only reason to date is to explore the potential for marriage.

With that in mind, I’ve put serious thought into what it would take for me to even accept a date. I told one friend that I was only open to potential matchmaking if he knew both of us well enough that he could assure me he felt we would be good together. Thankfully, he’s the type of man that totally gets it.

I work hard at becoming the type of woman who would be a true blessing to her husband. Primarily, I decided a long time ago that God is my number 1 and I intend to keep Him there. I expect nothing less from the man I marry. I even pray for him now, wherever he is, that God bless him, help him become who God wants him to be, and bring us together at the right time.

Am I interested in other things too? Yes, after being given the same advice by multiple people (including a man) to make a list of things I desire in my husband, I did. And I took it to God, trusting Him with it.

That’s the bottom line: God knows who I need and who needs me, and He is capable of bringing us together at the right time. So my job is to make myself ready and to be watching. Yes, to date, but to date for the right reasons and with my standards set.

My standards for dating are simple, and I’ve realized that I have not only the right, but the responsibility to make those standards clear from the beginning. My plan, should a man ask me out and I think maybe I want to accept, is to ask him two questions.

1. Are you a Christian?
2. Is God your #1?

If he can’t answer both questions with an honest and firm yes, then there’s no potential for a relationship and the answer is no, because we’re not walking the same road and I’m not leaving mine to join him on his.

If you’re thinking, “Hey, those questions might offend him!” you’re right, and if they do, he’s not for me. In fact, the man who is for me would be glad I asked and might have even considered asking me the same questions.

Here’s the deal.
If God isn’t his #1, he doesn’t qualify to be my #2.

Yes, I know there are men who could answer yes deceitfully or answer yes sincerely and later prove by their fruit that they were mistaken. The key is to watch for the fruit.

For instance, if like my one friend experienced, my dinner date were to invite me back to his home for sex, my answer would be something along the lines of, “Clearly you either lied or were wrong about your answer to my second question. So, yeah, there’s no potential for a relationship of any kind here.”

Child of God, I’m not telling you what to do… Wait, yes, I am. If you want to stay in right relationship with God, you have got to set aside the world’s standards. Parts of modern culture may imply that physical access is simply part of the evening, but we’re not called to live by that culture.

This same rule holds true where any temptation to sin is concerned.
If your date is tempting you to sin, it’s time to head out the door.

Modern culture demands instant gratification in pretty much all areas of life. The problem with instant gratification is that its benefits usually disappear just as fast. God’s rewards on the other hand, though we may not see all of them instantly, are eternal.

Make His standards your standards, and hold to those standards, and you won’t go wrong.

If God is truly first, His standards come first too.

Celebrating Jesus!
Tammy C

PS: In case it’s not obvious, if God isn’t your #1 you’re really not ready to get married.