marriage

It’s OK to be an Introvert

Tammy M CardwellLeave a comment

The Internet abounds with jokes about introverts – usually jokes that introverts came up with in the first place. We know who and what we are, after all, and we know you extraverts really have a hard time understanding us. You know what’s funny? We have a hard time understanding you, too.

Interestingly, a session in one marriage conference I attended shocked a lot of us. Most of the couples in the meeting were made up of one introvert and one extravert. It really made me wonder if most successful, well-balanced couples do comprise both.

What shocked me even more than that, though, was how many of the others in the group didn’t even know which they were, or they thought they or their partner was one when in fact they were the other! I’ve known about the two for so long that to me it seemed like common knowledge, something most people have a pretty good grasp of. Based on a recent conversation, however, I’m really not so sure anymore.

In this conversation, I was gently corrected for calling myself an introvert. The person urged me to not talk about myself that way, that I’m not an introvert anymore – as if being an introvert is a bad thing.

It’s not! In fact, you can’t really switch from being an introvert to an extravert (or vice versa) without something very unusual happening to trigger it. Here’s the thing…

The primary difference between introverts and extraverts
is in how we recharge our batteries.

That’s it! It’s not that introverts are shy or afraid of people or have a phobia about crowds. In fact, those who know me in person generally assume I’m an extravert because my lifestyle has led me to learn how to adapt and act like everyone expects me to. We introverts, while we do generally prefer quiet and value our alone time, are usually quite able to be involved in society.

We’re not “sick” or “weak” or lacking in any way. Once I’ve talked myself into it, I can go to your big, loud party and have a good time as much as the extravert next to me can. The difference is that your big, loud party energizes the extraverts, leaving them charged up and ready to take on the world, while everything about it is draining my batteries.

It’s ok, my batteries can handle the drain. I can also arrange to minimize it. For instance, rather than moving constantly around the room, working the crowd so to speak, I may park myself off to the side and enjoy visiting with a few, select people for a while.

I simply have to know myself, and ensure I have a chance to recharge. Depending on the situation, I may not do a thing different than anyone else. On the other hand, you may see me disappear into the bathroom or onto the back porch for a bit of alone time. It doesn’t usually take all that long; just finding someplace away from all the activity and noise for a few minutes is generally sufficient to enable me to get back out there and have more fun.

And then I go home and bask in the peace and quiet that I need to fully recharge.

And that’s good too.

So, introverts, don’t let anyone make anyone make you feel “less than.” We’re ok!

Celebrating Jesus!
Tammy C

At Last It All Makes Sense

Tammy M CardwellLeave a comment

What follows is adapted from my journal, specifically from my journal on January 14th, 2023.

I’ve never doubted that God had me marry Jack. The night I said, “Yes” to Jack’s proposal, God and I had a conversation as I was walking back into my house; it is still clear in my mind. But I did ask Him, just now, “Why did you have me marry him? Was it so You could get Thomas and Terry?” I thought about it a microsecond and went on, “Because if so, it’s a price well paid.” Before I could think another thought, He said, “And so I could get you.”

I literally jumped. I’m not sure I would have been more startled if I’d heard God’s audible voice. I knew instantly what He meant. He meant that I am who I am today because of all that Jack put me through. God knew going in what would happen, what fruit would be produced in me – and He wanted that person.

…

I had to put the pen down for a few minutes. The revelation was truly overwhelming, tear inducing. God wants the me of today AND has specifically been working to get me here all along.

…

Everything I went through, every decision I made – even the decisions not to leave when offered escape, and to let him force himself back into my life after I had left the one time – have all worked together to make me who I am today.

From 2010 to last October, living with and serving a man who was growing increasingly ill and would have died without me served to further mold me into the person I am right now.

Who is she? (Here God started talking, fast, and I began taking dictation.)

  • Someone who has learned compassion
  • Someone who has learned forgiveness
  • Someone who has learned faithfulness
  • Someone who has learned faith
  • Someone who has learned how to stand under attack
  • Someone who has learned who the real enemy is and that men are only the enemy’s tools
  • Someone who has learned how to fight
  • Someone who has learned how to love
  • Someone who has learned how to bear with the weak
  • Someone who has learned patience
  • Someone who has learned generosity
  • Someone who has learned to live with nothing
  • Someone who has learned to be content no matter her state
  • Someone who has learned that stuff is only stuff
  • Someone who has learned how not to be afraid
  • Someone who has learned to let God lead
  • Someone who has learned to give up the right to self
  • Someone who has learned to trust herself
  • Someone who has learned to speak up
  • Someone who has learned she can
  • Someone who has learned she has much to offer
  • Someone who has learned “forever”
  • Someone who has learned she still has a future here
  • Someone who has learned it’s never too late
  • Someone who has learned that nothing is impossible with God
  • Someone who has learned true freedom
  • Someone who has learned how to live
  • Someone who has learned not to fear death
  • Someone who has learned not to fear man
  • Someone who has learned not to fear the future
  • Someone who has learned not to run away
  • Someone who has learned how to stand strong
  • Someone who has learned to own up to her mistakes
  • Someone who has learned to let God lead (Interesting that He had me write this twice. LOL!)
  • Someone who has learned to step out
  • Someone who has learned to move into the unknown
  • Someone who has learned that dreams can become reality
  • Someone who has learned to truly care about others
  • Someone who has learned how to care for others
  • Someone who has learned to stand up for what she believes in
  • Someone who has learned courage
  • Someone who has learned when not to fight
  • Someone who has learned that confrontation can be profitable
  • Someone who has learned that comfort isn’t necessary
  • Someone who has learned that she doesn’t have to have all she wants – and wants can change
  • Someone who has learned her Father wants to give her desires and fulfill those desires
  • Someone who has learned to dream big
  • Someone who has learned to plan for Eternity
  • Someone who has learned to learn
  • Someone who has learned to take correction – to be discipled
  • Someone who has learned to press through
  • Someone who has learned how to draw lines
  • Someone who has learned how to set boundaries
  • Someone who has learned to be open to new experiences
  • Someone who has learned how to take praise
  • Someone who has learned how to take criticism
  • Someone who has learned to “blow off the blowhards”
  • Someone who has learned to expect the unexpected – and not fear it
  • Someone who has learned how to share her heart
  • Someone who has learned how to let others get credit for her work
  • Someone who has learned to turn the other cheek
  • Someone who has learned to walk the extra mile
  • Someone who has learned to give her shirt
  • Someone who has learned to meet her obligations
  • Someone who has learned how to say, “No”
  • Someone who has learned when to say, “No”
  • Someone who has learned to trust
  • Someone who has learned to teach
  • Someone who has learned what to teach
  • Someone who has learned share the word of the Lord (Sharing a word from God in specific situations)
  • Someone who has learned when not to share the word of the Lord
  • Someone who has learned when to keep her mouth shut
  • Someone who has learned to worship
  • Someone who has learned to prepare for visions from God
  • Someone who has learned how to get into His presence
  • Someone who has learned how to walk in His presense
  • Someone who has learned she never walks alone
  • Someone who has learned to lean into His Word
  • Someone who has learned that if she were physically able to keep recording (taking dictation) God would keep telling her all the things she’s learned that are important to Him – that He can use

It used to be common to hear someone say that they got their Masters from The School of Hard Knocks. I did, and God knew I would. He knew I would graduate with flying colors, coming out uniquely prepared for what He has in mind for me. That’s why He led me to that school, told me to marry Jack.

Sitting here, thinking about it, it’s definitely a fair trade. Other people come out of universities every day with advanced degrees that won’t do them any good in Eternity, and debt that may potentially follow them for the rest of their lives. I’ve come out of the School of Hard Knocks (Jack Cardwell University LOL!) owing no man, prepared for Eternity, and uniquely able to help so many others.

Yes, at long last, after the decades of questions and spending much of October fighting the urge to beat myself up for not leaving him long ago, for letting him treat me and the kids as he did, I finally understand. At long last, the past 40 years make sense and I can see that they have served a purpose.

I feel like someone who’s just been handed that final diploma, whose been told she’s earned the right to put those treasured letters after her name. I’ve been a new person since Jack died. Like that recent graduate, I’m ready for the next adventure, to do the next thing, to take on the world. I’m free to be the me God’s had in mind all along.

And I’m celebrating Jesus!
Tammy C