Emotional Healing

Healing Takes Time

Tammy M CardwellLeave a comment

One of my TikTok videos resulted in a strong response from victims of narcissist abuse. That response led me to take my Surviving Narcissism series, at least in part, to the app.

My goal in life, and on TikTok (@tmcardwell), is to help people grow in their relationships with God and the Bible. While I’d planned to focus primarily on things like Bible study and growing closer to God, I’ve discovered that being there for domestic abuse victims is part of God’s plan. Some of the responses I’ve received are heartbreaking; there are so many out there who have had no hope.

Interestingly, recording this series has made me aware of something I hadn’t fully realized. I think it’s human nature to want to simply put the past behind us and move forward. To an extent that’s exactly what I had done.

God and I have covered a lot of ground in the three years since Jack passed away. But I realized this past week that we’ve definitely not covered it all. Why?

Because healing takes time.

As I talked about how my attempts to “protect” my sons by keeping the family together actually exposed them to their own life-altering trauma, those old wounds I thought were healed opened right back up. Yeah. They were still there, waiting to be dealt with.

So I pulled out a book I reviewed for this series in April of last year. You can read my review of Hope for Healing from Domestic Abuse if you like. I recommend you do if you’re dealing with the results of domestic abuse of any sort. I’ll just say here that this book is helping me all over again as I reread it.

The fact is, healing from any trauma takes time. Recovering from this type of trauma can take a very long time. We can try to ignore our pain, issues, and triggers. Sometimes we can even get away with it for a while. But until we deal with the damage, we’re being held back.

I’ve wondered, at times, if I should seek counseling. I haven’t, because I know I’ve definitely made progress. God has faithfully brought up my issues as I reach the place where I can deal with them.

If you’re still recovering, though – or trying to – know that there is absolutely no shame in seeking professional help. God gave us counselors and therapists for a reason, and sometimes they have the very support we need.

Whatever path you choose to take towards healing, please hear me: There is hope. Real healing is possible. I’m living proof.

Be patient with yourself and give every part of the process to God. Every part: especially the unforgiveness and bitterness that only poison us, no matter how justified they feel. Take it one step at a time.

And celebrate those steps. They matter. And those of us who have also walked this road will happily celebrate with you.

Celebrating Jesus!
Tammy C

The following is a complete list of the articles in this series.

Surviving Narcissism: Introduction to the Series
The Power of Refusing to Care
Yes, It IS Abuse
Truth Matters: Be Honest with at Least One Person You Trust
You’re Not Protecting the Kids
Review: Hope for Healing from Domestic Abuse
Your Narcissist is Not Your Real Enemy
Make God Your Refuge

What Do I Say?

Tammy M Cardwell2 Comments

I was in an uncomfortable position, recently. (Understatement Alert)

I’d received a message – heartfelt, pain-filled, and laced with anger – that I knew I needed to respond to. But I didn’t know how.

So, I waited.

I’ve learned that, when my heart is stirred like it was at that point, my first reaction is not usually going to be the best one. In this instance I wasn’t even being asked to respond, not directly, but it was clear I was expected to. So yes, I waited.

I waited until I’d had time to step away from it, to breathe, to do other things and give God a chance to speak. Interestingly, He used TikTok, of all things, to remind me of truths I already knew, but hadn’t put together to apply to this moment.

When God nudged me, letting me know it was time, I returned to the message.

Before I started typing, I prayed:
“You’ve got to give me the words. I can’t do this without you.”

I knew the direction He wanted to go. I knew my heart was in the right place. I just didn’t trust myself to get it right.

And God did what He always does.
He gave me the words.

They sounded like me: If you read them, you’d know I wrote them. But I only typed what He told me to say. Even a part I initially left out, feeling like it would be “too much,” He had me go back and add, and I’m glad I did.

Because I waited.
Because I listened.
Because I trusted.
He gave me the words.

I Knew He would.

I learned this lesson long ago, before my first experience as a conference speaker. I’d done everything I knew to do. I’d researched, studied, prayed, outlined… But I was still unsure of myself. 

As I’d talked to Him about it, God had reassured me:
If He gave Moses the right words, He would do the same for me.

And He did.

My workshops went well, and I’d learned something new and vital. What God did for Moses He really is willing to do for me.

And for you.

He created us. He knows our strengths – and our weaknesses. He understands our messy emotions and our tendency to speak when silence is the better choice – or to hesitate, remaining silent when someone needs hope.

He knows how much we want to represent Him well – not misrepresent Him!
He knows we want to make things better – not worse!

The good news is…

He’s willing to help.
Not just with strength.
Not just with courage.
But with the very words we need to say.

Left to our own devices, we might make a tense situation even worse.
We might miss an opportunity to bring peace, healing, or truth.

But with God?

With God, yes.

We can know what to say.

Celebrating Jesus!
Tammy C