freedom in Christ

The Day I Put the Poison Down | Forgiveness, Anxiety, and Healing

Tammy M Cardwell2 Comments
Terry Naturally AnxioCalm samples on a wooden counter with the words “Choosing Forgiveness — The Day I Put the Poison Down”

Terry Naturally, a company whose Adrenaplex® is one of my daily supplements,
sent me these samples with my monthly subscription.

I’m not here to review the samples because I haven’t had to use them.

Which is exactly the point of this article.

As I was standing there, seeing them on the counter, I smiled specifically because I DON’T need them. Ever. At all.

This has not always been the case. Twice in my life with Jack I ended up spending a few months on antidepressants. Even when not on the antidepressants, I carried an anti anxiety medication with me for years. Because yes, I needed it.

I took a picture as I stood there specifically because these samples suddenly represented my deliverance from anxiety. And then I spent a few days thinking back, trying to decide when I was finally able to leave it all behind.

I still can’t remember exactly when I stopped using the anti-anxiety meds for anxiety (I found out they were a GREAT antihistamine and did occasionally use them for that for a while), but I believe I found the turning point.

I may be wrong, but I’m pretty sure it was the day I REALLY grasped the necessity of forgiveness. I’d worked on forgiving people for years, and honestly was pretty good at it. But it is admittedly hard to daily, even hourly, forgive a spouse who seems determined to break you. There came a day, though, when I finally, truly, understood that my unforgiveness was destroying me.

Read that again, carefully. MY unforgiveness—my refusal to truly forgive my husband—was destroying ME.

We’ve all heard it said that refusing to forgive someone is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die. Like so many things, we can agree with the concept in theory while having a terrible time with practical application.

On THAT day I, for the first time, genuinely understood that the choice really was mine. If I were holding a cup of poison and could either drink it or not, the choice would be mine. And that was exactly where I was—holding a cup of poison that was killing me. I could either continue to drink it or I could choose to put it down.

I chose to put it down.

Right there, in that moment.

Over the next hour or so I honestly dealt with my unforgiveness against not only him, but a couple of other people I’d not even realized I was holding out against until God told me. This was deliberate action I took, something in my own heart that I chose to settle.

That decision changed everything.

Before, no matter how hard I tried, I often struggled to forgive Jack and failed. But something changed when I stopped committing to TRY and determined to DO.  When I catch myself feeling even a hint of unforgiveness, I squash it. I may battle it for a minute but I refuse to let it live in me.

And I am no longer being destroyed. If I remember correctly, that day actually came only a year or two before Jack passed away. I told someone not long ago that I can’t help but wonder if God didn’t let him live as long as he did specifically so I could reach this place.

That may sound ridiculous, but unforgiveness really is that destructive.

If you deal with anxiety, Terry Naturally’s new product may well help. But if you also struggle to forgive, I guarantee that learning to genuinely forgive will make a huge difference.

But you have to choose not just to try, but to do. And God is ready and waiting to help you do it!

Celebrating Jesus!
Tammy C

The Gift of Forgiveness

Tammy M CardwellLeave a comment

I don’t often share my devotions outside of my newsletter, especially when they’re destined for publication, but in considering what to post this week I felt led to share this one.

Forgiveness is the key that unlocks
the door of resentment and the handcuffs of hatred.
Corrie ten Boom

Corrie ten Boom knew first-hand the cost of unforgiveness – and the freedom to be found on the other side of it. Her words remind us that resentment doesn’t only weigh us down; it restrains us, keeps us from moving forward. Hatred and unforgiveness bind us to the very pain we long to escape.

Spend five minutes with a search engine and you discover countless proofs of the damage unforgiveness does to your soul and body, how it wounds your spirit. Spend five minutes in Matthew 6:9-13 and you discover something even more important.

During the Sermon on the Mount, Jesus tells His disciples to pray “…forgive us our debts as we forgive our debtors.” Those are powerful words! When I pray them, I am literally saying, “God, you know how I’m forgiving those who have wronged me. Forgive me in the exact same way.”

“What?!” you ask?
That is what the Bible says.

When you pray those words, you are telling God, “If I forgive begrudgingly, forgive me begrudgingly.” Worse yet, you may be telling Him, “I refuse to forgive, so refuse to forgive me.”

“But I can’t forgive!” you may cry.
Yes. Yes, you can.

We all think we can’t, but forgiveness is like love in that, regardless of what we all grew up believing, it’s not just a feeling – it’s a choice.

I spent decades married to an abusive narcissist, and much of that time I walked in unforgiveness toward him. But a day came when God finally got through my thick walls and pierced my heart with the revelation of what my refusal to forgive was doing to me. To ME.

Learning to forgive – not only Jack, but the man who sexually violated me as a child as well as a few other people (Including myself, which was hard!) – impacted me spiritually, mentally, and even physically in ways I could never have anticipated.

Forgiveness set me free.
Forgiveness gave me peace where there had been no peace.
Forgiveness reduced my stress load.
Forgiveness changed my life.

So yes, you can forgive if you choose to.

Are you unwilling?
Then pray this prayer: “Lord, help me be willing to be made willing.”
God understands such prayers, and He delights in answering them.

Consider this

Do you have a list of people you feel you can’t forgive? Write their names down and take the list to God. Ask Him to help you forgive them so you can be set free. Then destroy the list.

Any time unforgiveness tries to rise, treat it like the enemy it is. Rebuke it. Cast it down. It is not your friend; don’t treat it like one.

And remember: The God who calls you to forgive is ready to help you learn how.

Celebrating Jesus!
Tammy C

This devotion was recently shared with my monthly newsletter readers. If you’d like to receive future devotionals and updates, you’re always welcome to subscribe here.