One of my TikTok videos resulted in a strong response from victims of narcissist abuse. That response led me to take my Surviving Narcissism series, at least in part, to the app.
My goal in life, and on TikTok (@tmcardwell), is to help people grow in their relationships with God and the Bible. While I’d planned to focus primarily on things like Bible study and growing closer to God, I’ve discovered that being there for domestic abuse victims is part of God’s plan. Some of the responses I’ve received are heartbreaking; there are so many out there who have had no hope.
Interestingly, recording this series has made me aware of something I hadn’t fully realized. I think it’s human nature to want to simply put the past behind us and move forward. To an extent that’s exactly what I had done.
God and I have covered a lot of ground in the three years since Jack passed away. But I realized this past week that we’ve definitely not covered it all. Why?
Because healing takes time.
As I talked about how my attempts to “protect” my sons by keeping the family together actually exposed them to their own life-altering trauma, those old wounds I thought were healed opened right back up. Yeah. They were still there, waiting to be dealt with.
So I pulled out a book I reviewed for this series in April of last year. You can read my review of Hope for Healing from Domestic Abuse if you like. I recommend you do if you’re dealing with the results of domestic abuse of any sort. I’ll just say here that this book is helping me all over again as I reread it.
The fact is, healing from any trauma takes time. Recovering from this type of trauma can take a very long time. We can try to ignore our pain, issues, and triggers. Sometimes we can even get away with it for a while. But until we deal with the damage, we’re being held back.
I’ve wondered, at times, if I should seek counseling. I haven’t, because I know I’ve definitely made progress. God has faithfully brought up my issues as I reach the place where I can deal with them.
If you’re still recovering, though – or trying to – know that there is absolutely no shame in seeking professional help. God gave us counselors and therapists for a reason, and sometimes they have the very support we need.
Whatever path you choose to take towards healing, please hear me: There is hope. Real healing is possible. I’m living proof.
Be patient with yourself and give every part of the process to God. Every part: especially the unforgiveness and bitterness that only poison us, no matter how justified they feel. Take it one step at a time.
And celebrate those steps. They matter. And those of us who have also walked this road will happily celebrate with you.
Celebrating Jesus!
Tammy C
The following is a complete list of the articles in this series.
