Musings

Love Languages Revelation

Tammy M CardwellLeave a comment

If you’re not familiar with Gary Chapman’s book, The 5 Love Languages, I encourage you to pick it up. It explains the five primary ways in which we show love to others (and, consequently, expect/need them to show love to us). It is a powerful tool in helping us learn to relate to and even minister to others.

A project at work (I’m a church secretary) has had me looking at the love languages again. I’ve known what my love language is for years, but have just had a revelation about it that rocked my world.

In my relationships with others, all others, I can look at my instinctive interactions with them in respect to my love language and get a very clear picture of how much I love them.

It sounds simple, doesn’t it? But it’s been humbling. In less than 24 hours I’ve faced some pretty hard truths as I’ve realized there are certain groups of people around whom my love language shows up regularly, and a few others (with whom I’m very close) around whom I exhibit more selfishness than love.

So the revelation is this: My love language can act as a love thermometer. As I walk in love with others, I instinctively offer love in my own language. If I know their love language, I may intentionally offer love in theirs too, but mine will still be evident. If I don’t offer that love, I don’t love enough.

And THAT shows me where I have work to do in my own heart.

Celebrating Jesus!

Tammy C

Three Hours to Go

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It would be awesome if I could come up with something wise and wondrous to say about the new year and new decade.

I can’t.

In the past 24 hours I’ve spent quite a bit of time praying for multiple people who were in absolutely crazy and even dangerous situations. One of them even commented that it was as if 2020 decided to go out as insanely as it’s been.

No, I don’t expect things to change dramatically overnight, though I do look forward to the new. I’m just glad. I’m glad I’ve grown this year, instead of the opposite. I’m glad I’ve learned this year, instead of stagnating. I’m glad I’ve loved people this year, instead of…yeah.

I’m particularly glad that my God has been with me every step of the way, because He never leaves me or forsakes me. At one point this year, when I was having a rough moment, He said, “You never walk alone.”

Mic drop

That’s the answer, and I thank Him for it. Whatever comes in 2021, whether it’s as crazy as 2020 has been or is truly a whole new era, I’ll be ok because He is with me.

Happy New Year.

Celebrating Jesus!

Tammy C

Christmas Memories

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At church tonight, several people shared their favorite Christmas memories. Of course such things make me think, and I had an epiphany.

My two favorite memories are about getting “nothing.”

I don’t mean that literally, but close. The first was the Christmas after my mother left an abusive marriage. We had so little money that we had no Christmas decorations. On Christmas Eve, after my sister and I went to bed, Mother went to the tree lot and bought a little white-painted stick for next to nothing. Then she laid out our two small gifts each as if they’d come from Santa.

My dismay when I saw the “tree” on Christmas morning probably hurt Mother’s feelings, but the love I felt… We may not have gotten much, but we were grateful for what we got and were even more thankful for the fact that we were safe, secure, and together in our own home.

The other memory… I think I mentioned it here at some point. My favorite place to be, Christmas or not, was my grandparents’ home. They weren’t rich, but they made each of us feel like we were their favorite and always chose gifts they felt we would appreciate. That year my gifts were a pair of socks and a plastic dime store nativity scene snow globe. It spoke love to me, and still does today even though it was destroyed years ago.

As parents, we so often feel the need to produce for our children. Maybe, instead, we should take time to look at the memories that mean the most to us. I honestly remember very few gifts from my 58 Christmases, but I remember a skirt, a piece of candy, and a plastic snow globe – because they spoke of love.

Merry Christmas.

Celebrating Jesus!

Tammy C

My Thorn

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In 2 Corinthians 12, Paul shares about his “thorn in the flesh.” Theologians have tried to determine what that “thorn” was for centuries. Other than what we learn from Scripture, that he felt it was to keep him from pride, we don’t know that much.

We do know that Paul repeatedly asked God to remove this affliction, but God simply reassured him: “My Grace is sufficient.”

I am Paul. I have a thorn too. It’s called anxiety. Now, I am well aware that bi-polar disorder and depression are issues in my family. I get the science. I also know that my childhood was particularly anxiety-triggering, so I get the psychology.

Several years back, I spent about three months on an antidepressant, and twice in my life I’ve had to keep anti-anxiety medication at hand for those times when it got out of control. As a Christian, I hate this. Like Paul, I feel like I should be able to pray the right prayer or quote the right Scripture and it be gone forever, but I’ve learned it doesn’t always work that way.

“My Grace is sufficient,” God said…and still says. The Word also says, in 2 Corinthians 9:8, that God will cause all grace to abound towards me so that I will have every sufficiency for every good work. And this “every good work” may well be the key.

I heard something the other day that struck me: “Good lumber doesn’t come with ease. The stronger the wind the stronger the trees.” Hearing that woke me up, in a sense. It’s the battles that make us stronger. Paul was a mighty man of God, strong and fearless. Why? Because he’d fought many battles – and won many battles. I think that thorn in the flesh, or rather his ongoing war with it, helped keep him spiritually strong.

And I think the same thing is true about me. Like Paul’s thorn, the anxiety is an almost ever-present thing. I’m constantly at war with it, fighting and winning most of my battles, and losing a few. It’s intentionally, purposefully, faithfully fighting those battles that helps me grow stronger spiritually.

Knowing that I deal with this, and must DEAL with it rather than whine about or ignore it, keeps me aware of the importance of not letting my guard down, of staying vigilant and being careful to properly tend to both body and spirit.

Do I like waging a constant battle with it? Not on your life. I wouldn’t wish it on anyone. What I do appreciate, however, is the way God uses something that originated in the pits of hell to help me become stronger in so many ways.

God’s grace is sufficient.

Celebrating Jesus!

Tammy C

Focus on Forever

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Photograph by Tammy Cardwell

What makes a person love their job?

Admittedly, there are myriad answers to that question, but for me, at least in recent decades, the answer is motivation.

I loved writing for homeschool magazines, editing the Eclectic Homeschool & the Eclectic Homeschool Online, writing books, speaking at conferences and smaller meetings…and I currently very much value my position as full-time church staff.

So many facets of those various “jobs” brought and bring me joy that I could write yet another book. The biggest thing, though, is that all of these have given me the opportunity to help people understand what’s really important, the one thing that matters most in all of our lives.

Eternity

In the homeschool world, I helped parents find curriculum, figure out creative ways to teach history, and more, but the common thread that wove through everything I said and did was one question. “How important will this issue be a thousand years from now?” I rejoiced every time I made a personal connection that allowed me to ask it.

In the church world, I get to help with almost every facet of ministry. Much of my work is entirely practical, like ensuring we have donuts for Sunday morning fellowship, that flyers are grammatically correct, and that the membership database is doing its job, but these practical tasks give me opportunity to build relationships that enable me to ask the most important question. “Are you so focused on today that you’re forgetting that what really matters is eternity?”

Putting our lives into their proper perspective, realizing that everything we choose to do, say, or even think today will have an effect on not only our own, but others’ eternity is vital. Eternity is always pertinent to today. Always, because we’re already living in it whether we realize it or not.

So I’ll say again what I’ve been saying for decades. Turn your focus on forever. Look way down the road to your ultimate destination so that temporal distractions can’t turn you aside. Base today’s decisions on how the results will impact things a thousand years from now.

Focus on forever, because forever is too long to be wrong.

Celebrating Jesus!

Tammy C

Don’t Let the Devil Win

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EDIT: This post has already hurt one friend. I don’t want it to hurt more, so let me clarify.

What I say here is ME owning what God is holding ME accountable for. I’m in the full-time ministry. That means I have certain spiritual necessities that are non-negotiable. I failed. I paid. I repented. I’m getting back up.

I am NOT saying that someone who gets COVID gets it because they fail spiritually any more than I’m saying they get it because they fail to wear a mask.

And I’m stopping here. I don’t know if this brain can make it any clearer right now

=====

Long COVID Post shamelessly copied and pasted from my Facebook page.

I’ve been absent because I was in Purgatory. (My Catholic friends, please forgive me, but seriously…)

So here’s the deal.
I use wisdom.
I’ve been actively building my immune system for 11 months.
I compulsively wash my hands anyway.
I naturally socially distance.
I wear a mask when I must.
I have NO idea where I would have picked it up, or from whom, because the only people I came into contact with who were positive had it too long ago.

Nonetheless, my test came back positive and this second go ‘round (Yup, I KNEW this was what I had in March!) has been a doozy. I’m just now entering recovery mode, and I thank God I am. I’m sure the main reason it was so bad is that I was already sick when I got sick, but whatever…

Ok… laughing at myself here. I had a plan when I started typing, but it’s gone. The brain thing…it’s part of the problem. It’s starting to work again, but…

Shoot.

Oh! Yes!

Christians, this message is for you.
We’re in a spiritual battle, and the enemy is using this virus in an attempt to tear us down and tear us apart. He’s all about DIVISION, and I have never seen him be so successful as he has been in recent months. I’ve seen friends, loving Christian friends, turn on each other so badly that I came away with my heart torn. I’ve seen judgement and ridicule and attack and…

But look at me. I’ve actively done it RIGHT on a purely natural level. Yet I got COVID.

However, I have NOT done it totally right on a spiritual level, and frankly I’m thinking that I – and I alone – am responsible for me getting sick.

I have a habit of spending time in the Word daily – except in recent weeks when this and that interfered and I…wasn’t.

I have a daily habit of declaring God’s Word over myself and those I love – except in recent weeks when I kept forgetting to do it.

I have a habit of “praying without ceasing” and legit staying in pretty constant conversation with God – except in recent weeks when… boy, is this humiliating.

I forgot that I am a soldier on the battle field.
I lowered my shield.
I dropped my sword.
I turned my back on the enemy.

And he stabbed me in the back just like he is trained to do.

I am COVID positive, finally starting the road to recovering from some of the worst physical agony I’ve experienced in years, and I have no one to blame but myself.

It didn’t happen because someone else didn’t wear a mask or wash their hands. It happened because this warrior forgot what she was.

Stay alert, my fellow soldiers. Don’t let the devil get a blade in. Don’t let the devil bring division to our ranks. We’re here for a reason and we have a job to do.

Celebrating Jesus!

Tammy C

Lemons & Lemonade

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You know the expression, right? “If life hands you lemons, make lemonade.”

Being a word nerd, certain things have tended to bug me, like the restaurant that was named Happy Landing’s. I wanted SO very much to go inside and ask for the owner, who was obviously named Happy Landing. I mean, seriously, when you pay good money for a sign or company name…

And then there are the memes and things that float around Facebook. I’d get soooooo frustrated when I’d find a really cool one only to discover that it contained a glaring error. I’d want to share these things, because they were really good, but they were ruined.

And then I stumbled across the delightful Instagram account @pleasehatethesethings. After an insane amount of time spent chortling with outraged glee over their offerings, I realized that I could do something to turn my frustrations around.

Instantly, @ruinedagoodone was born, and just today I realized what it has done. This account that is specifically set aside for the many word failures that fill this world has made me able to… Well, I still cringe when I see such things, but then I start laughing instead of being outraged, and I either snap a picture or hit “save image” before heading to my Instagram account at the earliest opportunity.

And, as they say, I said all that to say this. Our pet peeves, the things that really irk us? I’ve discovered that, in some cases at least, it really is possible to turn them around – to make lemonade out of those lemons. Since I love lemonade, this is a double win for me.

Celebrating Jesus while making lemonade!

Tammy C

That Door is Closed

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It’s strange, the things that can kick you in the gut.

In my homeschooling years, and beyond, I was very active in the homeschool community. I wrote articles. I spoke at conferences. I sold my books and my publisher’s books at conferences. I was one of the editors of a small, printed, homeschool magazine that eventually became a very large, internet magazine.

Yeah, that last is where the kick comes from. EHO, The Eclectic Homeschool Online, was a massive internet magazine. It was massive in both content and readership. Everything we ever published stayed published, and I know I remember us having 40,000 readers a month at one point – most print magazines didn’t have readerships that large. I loved EHO, loved the ministry, loved my writers, loved our readers… Leaving was one of the hardest things I ever had to do.

So today I was thinking about it and went to check it out. It’s been a static site for a while, but still… And it wasn’t there. I got the “Safari Can’t Find Server” screen. That black screen is a reminder that, as much as you appreciate your past, you really can’t return to it. And you know what? It hurts…

Oh, I’ll get over it. It’s just that there was something reassuring, on those days when I felt “less than,” about being able to go back and look at what I’d helped accomplish and think about all the homeschoolers whose hands we’d held along the way. I think about them now and hope that many of their kids are homeschooling today. Yes, it’s been that long.

That door is closed. It has been, really; Safari is just reminding me that looking back only serves so many purposes. The point is to walk through the next open door.

Celebrating Jesus!
Tammy C

Revisiting the Furnace

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Most of us have heard the story of the three Hebrew boys and how they were thrown into a fiery furnace after refusing to bow to the idol. (Daniel 3) We read about their obedience to God, being thrown in, the guards dying from the heat, the king seeing them and the fourth man walking around, and them walking out of the fire not even smelling of smoke. But let’s pause for a moment. What about while they were inside? What happened…from their perspective?

The first thing they would have noticed, beyond the fact that they were still alive, was that the very fire intended to destroy them had, instead, burned away their bonds. They were thrown into the fire held captive and bound, but were likely loosed before they even hit the floor. Yes, they were still in the fire, but they could stand up, may have even playfully pulled each other up, and they could walk around as they liked. In truth, they were more free than they had been for a while. 

Many times in our lives, we find ourselves anticipating potential outcomes with dread, perhaps with such a fear that it binds us, holding us captive and keeping us from moving forward. Statistics say that what we fear almost never even happens. Think about that. How much time do we waste letting the fear of something that will NEVER HAPPEN hold us captive to the point that we can’t even move?

But the thing is that, once we’re thrown into the fire, that fear is burned away. The worst has already happened and, like Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego, we can look up from the floor of the furnace and realize, “Hey! I’m still here! I survived!”

I can imagine their surprised joy in that moment. They had dared declare God’s power to the king, assuring him that the One they served was more than able to deliver them. And He had. You know that special laughter that comes with joy? I can almost hear it. I can also see them turning to look through the flames, out the door, at the outside. Perhaps in the midst of their astonishment they wondered what they should do next. And then, just maybe, from behind them…

They heard a chuckle. Can you see them whipping around in even more shock and amaze? The king said the fourth man in the fire looked like the son of God. Presumably, he was right. They wouldn’t have known Him as “Jesus,” but their hearts would surely have recognized Him.

Now their backs are to the exit, the fire that surrounds them is pretty much forgotten, and their eyes are firmly focused on their first ever glimpse of the One they’ve offered their lives for. Though they have no way of knowing it, everything – literally everything – has changed. 

What words would Jesus have spoken to them? Did they ask all of the questions that had burned in their hearts for years? Did He… I can’t really even begin to propose what He might have said. We do know this, though. They spent some time in there. 

We don’t know how much time, but it was enough that the king eventually realized what he was seeing, pointed it out to his companions, and called out for the three to come out. Given the raging fire, and how loud it would have been, it seems to me that either the fire was allowed time to burn down or Jesus told them, “Hey guys, the king is calling.”

Regardless, stepping back inside with the kids… While I was homeschooling, I wrote an essay entitled “The View from Inside the Furnace,” and at this point I suggested that they, instead of being in the worst time of their lives (what it looked like) were actually on the field trip of a lifetime.

As they walk around, I imagine Jesus explaining exactly how this furnace works, how it is used to harness the destructive nature of fire and cause it to change things, transforming soft clay into usable, even valuable, vessels. Then I imagine Jesus sharing a few secrets about how He is going to use their time in the fire to do far more, not only to change them, making them more useful and valuable, but also change the world. I imagine…quite a lot, actually. 

Can you see the disappointment on their faces when either they finally hear the king calling or Jesus announces that their visit is over? The very thing that was at one time the ultimate threat has now become a refuge, a place they’ve been seeking their whole lives – a secret place where it is just them and Him. In all honesty, if it were me I’d have been like a child begging for “just one more story.”

Actually, I have been. I wrote the essay I referred to earlier during one of the hardest times of my life.  I intended it for friends who were worried about me, and with good reason. In the midst of the fire I learned things I could never have learned anywhere else, and I developed an intimacy with God that I had never known. As I shared with God in prayer at the time, I would never wish that fire on my worst enemy, but I desperately desired to take the intimacy with me when I walked back out of the flames. 

Those three boys had to feel the same way, but for them I think it almost had to be a harder walk to take, because Jesus came out of that furnace with me, staying always by my side, and they had to leave the fourth man behind, knowing they would likely never see Him face-to-face again.

And, as I imagine Jesus promising, their world changed – and not just for them. Yes, they were promoted and given all honor, but even more importantly God was promoted, and the king himself ordered that He be worshipped. Yes, our God was merely added to the list of gods they already worshipped, but it was a beginning.

So I leave us (Yep, this is a reminder for me.) with this. Serve God with all your heart and don’t fear the fire. Jeremiah 29:11 assures us that He has great plans for us, and Romans 8:28 promises that He can cause all things to work together for our good. Even a walk in a fire-filled furnace, though terrifying to face, can be  an amazing experience that prepares us for an astounding future. 

Celebrating Jesus!
Tammy C

Build the Wall – Leave Your Mark

Tammy M CardwellLeave a comment

Whether or not you believe in the necessity of The Wall, you should take a moment to consider what is happening with the WeFund the Wall/We the People will Build the Wall movement.

Bottom Line: Individual Americans are rising up and declaring that, rather than wait for the government to fill the need, they will instead do their part to help make it happen. Thousands are contributing to a non-profit that plans to start building parts of The Wall very soon-without the government’s help.

This is huge. We live in a culture where we’re always waiting for someone else to step up, to reach out. It’s the government’s job to do this. It’s the Church’s job to do that. It’s the school’s job to do the other. These people are saying, “No, I don’t need to wait on them, to rely totally on them: I CAN HELP.”

Our Pastor has been ministering a lot, lately, on letting our lights shine, on being that city on a hill, on leaving our mark. In other words, on realizing that WE, the individuals that make up the church, have not only the responsibility but the power to meet needs where we find them. Our church has given us many opportunities to get into the community and meet needs, and is preparing for more, but the idea is bigger – that I, the person sitting in the pew, realize that I CAN HELP…and get myself out there and do it, being the hands and feet of Jesus in ways that make an impact on people’s lives.

Seeing what’s happening with WeFund the Wall brought Pastor’s teachings home. Yes, there are agencies and organizations out there to meet all sorts of needs, but it’s not just their job: it’s also mine. I have the responsibility and the power to make a difference in the lives I touch.

I CAN.

Celebrating Jesus!

Tammy C