A domestic abuse survivor recommended that I read Hope for Healing from Domestic Abuse: Reaching for God’s Promise of Real Freedom, by Karen DeArmond Gardner. I took her advice because, as I hope I’ve made clear, I’m no expert on this topic. I can and will speak from my own experience and the stories others have shared with me, but I truly feel inadequate; I’m doing it because God has pushed me to, not because I consider myself qualified.
I do feel qualified, however, to recommend this book. It has not only educated me in areas of abuse and results of abuse that I’ve not dealt with, it has also forced me to deal with some things I didn’t even realize were issues in my life.
I never experienced physical abuse. Gardner did, so if you’ve been reading my posts and thinking, “Tammy, you just don’t know,” here’s someone who does, and she lived with the abuse for decades. She also experienced pretty much every other kind of abuse, which is why I found myself in these pages as well.
In case you’re still wondering, Hope for Healing from Domestic Abuse is for all of us – even those who are still living in their own personal hells, under their abusers’ control, and don’t know how to get out.
Gardner divides the book into sections that equate with the walk we all take on our journey to healing. In Part 1, we deal with the fact that we are, or were, victims. In Part 2, we’re survivors learning to breathe again. Part 3 introduces the overcomer, the one who learns to live again. In Part 4 we meet the Conqueror who can live freely. No, it’s not a literal roadmap. As is true with most things, we all have our own, unique experiences. However, the ground she covers is vast.
As you can see in the photo of my copy, I’ve done some serious marking and flagging. One of my favorite quotes, because it reflects exactly what I’ve been saying about my own experience, is found in Part 3.
“Your life will not be defined by what was done to you, but by what God does with what was done to you.”
Karen DeArmond Gardner
Gardner’s brutal honesty, with herself and us, is eye-opening. As many truths as I had already recognized about my own experience, with her help I saw even more. “Yes!” I shouted at one point. “Yes, it WAS abuse, and all this time I thought it was normal!”
Recovering from any abuse takes time. Recovering from domestic abuse definitely takes time, and patience, and honesty, and a willingness to be open to God’s touch in your life. This book is a great place to start that process and Gardner walks you carefully through the mine field of your memories and emotions, leads you right up to Jesus, and gives you practical steps to take to help you on your way.
Even her last section, after the official four parts, offers unexpected assistance.
- How Does God Know What It Feels Like to be a Woman?
Yes, she honestly answers this question. - Your Picker Isn’t Broken
When you are ready to marry again, you will know what to look for. - Eight Questions You Don’t Have to Answer
People inevitably ask questions. That doesn’t mean you owe them an answer. - God, Church, and Abuse
Realistically, a lot of abuse happens that the church has no idea how to handle. - What Can the Church Do?
This one is directed at church leadership, and it’s excellent! - Say This, Not That
And this is for your friends, to help them understand.
As a fellow member of the club no one ever wants to join, Gardner has done right by the rest of us!
Celebrating Jesus!
Tammy C