God

But Do You KNOW Jesus?

Tammy M CardwellLeave a comment

I asked Jesus, “Why are you crying?”
He answered, “So many are pretending.”

This really happened, during worship, at my church. Jesus was crying. No, I couldn’t see it with my eyes, but it was truly as if He were standing in front of me, looking over my shoulder with tears running down His face. I asked Him “Why?” twice before He answered me.

Are you like those who were making Him cry? Are you pretending? Do you go through the Christian motions thinking you’ve got all your bases covered while your heart is actually turned elsewhere?

Jesus, in Luke 6:46 (NLT), says, “So why do you keep calling me ‘Lord, Lord!’ when you don’t do what I say?” That is a profound question, and one that demands an answer. If we’re not doing what He’s saying, He is not our Lord. And if He isn’t our Lord, can He be our Savior?

This is hard, I know, but I’m seriously concerned about the Church. Anyone who has even a tiny bit of understanding of the times we’re living in, just a little bit of knowledge about End Times prophecy, can see clearly that we are on borrowed time. We are rushing toward the Tribulation at warp speed. Those who prefer to ignore End Times prophecy and toss off the same old, “People have been saying that my whole life,” are in grave danger.

Yes, I firmly believe in the Rapture of the Church, specifically in the pre-Tribulation Rapture of the Church. My conviction has me praying constantly for people to be saved. I don’t want ANYONE to go through the Tribulation, even though I know the majority will.

“What if you’re wrong?” you may ask. Ok, what if I am wrong?

If I’m wrong then I go through the Tribulation too, or at least half of it. My faith is and always will be in God, and I know that He will keep me in all things; yes, even to death. So, if I go through the Tribulation, I go through it standing firmly on the Rock of my Salvation, having built my house on the Rock. (Read the rest of Luke 6 if you don’t know what I’m talking about.)

But what of the others? If you think it’s hard to live for God now… You’ve not seen anything yet.

Salvation is not just saying a prayer and accepting a “Get out of Hell free” card. Jesus is to be our Lord and Savior. He is LORD. What does that mean? It means He reigns supreme. If Jesus is my Lord, HE rules my life – not me. If He is my Lord, I do my utmost to always ensure my ways please Him. (Do I fail? Yes, and when I do I repent!)

How do I do that? Relationship! Get to KNOW Him. I do that through actively staying the Bible. (Jesus and the Word are one. Did you know that?) I do it by praying, by having an ongoing, ACTIVE relationship with God, Jesus, and Holy Spirit. I do it by being actively in church – not just filling a pew and pretending, but by truly taking part in all that is church.

It’s nearly impossible to truly, consistently, please someone, to do what they want you to do, if you’re not close enough to them to learn their heart and voice. Pretend all you want, and you may fool those in the pews around you, but when the rubber meets the road, when it’s time to be caught away, it will be those whom Jesus KNOWS who hear the call.

Should that call come, should the Rapture happen and you find yourself still standing in a (hopefully) mostly empty church, repent, turn to God, and get just as close to Him as you possibly can, because the next seven years will be worse than anything you could possibly imagine, and those who don’t turn to God will fall in with the devil and the Antichrist. That road leads straight to Hell.

But don’t make that necessary. Don’t miss out, I implore you. If you don’t know Jesus, you can accept Him as your Savior and Lord right now. If you’ve known Him, but have backed away, you can repent right now. No matter where you’ve been or what you’ve done, He stands ready to accept your repentant heart and wash it in His own blood.

Some people think God hates the world, but He loves us all so much that He asked Jesus to die for us. And Jesus loves us so much that He did.

Accepting Salvation is simple. Just open up your mouth and talk to God. Let Him know that you accept the sacrifice that was made for you on the cross, and that you are unconditionally HIS. If you are uncomfortable right now and want to “cover all the bases” of prayer, you can say something like…

God, I know you love me, that you love me so much You asked Jesus to step down out of Heaven and live like me, facing every temptation I would ever face. And He never failed You. His birth was a miracle, His life was filled with miracles, He lived without ever committing even one sin so that He would be the perfect sacrifice you needed to make me right with You. I repent of my sins right now and accept you, Jesus, as my personal Savior and my Lord. I choose to serve You, not myself, and I ask You to help me walk every day doing what you tell me to do. I am determined to be right with you when you return to take your Church home. In Jesus’ name, amen.

Friend, I urge you, focus every day on getting to know Him better and better. A thousand years from now, it won’t matter who won the Word Series or what your paycheck was. What will matter will be who held your heart while you waited.

Celebrating Jesus!
Tammy C

I Knew My Words Were Slurring

Tammy M Cardwell2 Comments

I was sitting at the front desk and took the call like normal, but something felt off. As the call progressed, I understood the conversation, but became aware I was slurring my words. I also suddenly felt drugged, like I was moving through sludge. After completing the call, I sat there for..,honestly I’m not sure how long, trying to figure out what was going on. Honestly, I knew something was off, but was just enough disconnected in the moment that I didn’t know how off it was.

Then my office manager was standing in front of me. Suddenly, her eyes were huge and she said, “Ms. Tammy, I think you’re having a stroke!” In moments, she was on my side of the desk and dialing 911.

That was Thursday. Today is Saturday. I’m home, all my scans were clear, and it has been ruled a TIA/mini-stroke. I have no permanent damage. I just have to take it easy for a few days, follow up with my primary care, and make some changes based on the results of the lipid panel.

So why am I writing this? Education, more than anything else. Having walked the medical path with Jack, I will of course make the necessary changes. (Have to after I complained about him for so many years. 😁) But I also want to say, “Be Aware,” or as aware as you can and, “Don’t ignore it.”

I’m not sure what would have happened had my office manager not come to my desk at that time. I recovered quickly. By the time the ambulance got me to the hospital there was almost no visible evidence left that it had happened. In the usual course of our day, I can be alone at that front desk for a long time. What if I’d sat there until it passed and then just picked back up as if nothing had changed?

Yes, I have to admit such a thing is entirely possible. I’m not proud to admit that I could be so stupid, but I know me. So yeah, don’t ignore it.

I’m glad I’m still here to be…

Celebrating Jesus!

Tammy C

I Don’t Believe It!

Tammy M CardwellLeave a comment

I recently read an article by Aphantasia Network entitled “John Green Aphantasia Discovery: Shining a Light on the Mind’s Eye.” It’s a fascinating article that I highly recommend.

In the article it appears, if I’m reading a particular quote correctly, that one aphant (One who has aphantasia) firmly believes that no one can truly visualize, seeing pictures or movies in their minds, that the problem must simply be an inability to properly communicate the way our brains work.

The bottom line being that, again if I’m reading the quote correctly, because he can’t see anything, has no visual imagination at all, then no one else does either. 

When I read that part of the article, I immediately thought back to a comment on one of my earliest Facebook posts in which an “expert” assured me that aphantasia isn’t real and of course I don’t have a permanent inability to vizualize. According to that person, I simply never trained my mind, and if I were willing to put forth the necessary effort I could develop my visual imagination. I didn’t even bother to respond to her because I knew she had no idea what she was talking about. Because she couldn’t see the condition, the condition didn’t exist; she didn’t believe in it.

After that memory asserted itself, I made a random connection. This is precisely the difference between those who have a relationship with God and those who don’t believe God exists. I have a relationship with God, and I know He exists just as surely as I know I’m a five on the aphantasia scale. Those who don’t know God can, and often do, refuse to believe He exists.

Whether or not I believe something doesn’t alter truth.

Celebrating Jesus!
Tammy C

The Aphantasia Guide

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The above photo is from the Aphantasia Guide

I learned about aphantasia back in February when I discovered I had it. That graphic you see above? I’m a 5. I always assumed phrases like “close your eyes and imagine” and “enter the theater of your mind” were figures of speech. I had NO idea what those words meant to most of the people around me. You can read the start of my aphantasia journey in my post entitled “I Can’t Imagine.”

In my research, I discovered the Aphantasia Network, and today I received an email from them that contained a link to the Aphantasia Guide. Yes, I’m linking to it twice in one post. There’s a reason. It’s that good.

If you have recently (or not so recently) discovered that you have aphantasia, you probably have myriad questions. The Aphantasia Network has created a free guide that contains answers to those most commonly asked and links to articles that offer deeper study. It also links to online aphant hangouts like the Facebook Aphantasia Support Group.

If you know someone who has aphantasia, I encourage you to check out the guide as well. It will give you a much greater understanding of the differences between you and them. In sense, we seem to live on different planets, so understanding helps – from both sides.

It’s a fascinating study, really. God has designed our brains so precisely, and with such diversity, that it never ceases to amaze me. Am I handicapped because I have no visual imagination? Of course not; I’m just different. Frankly, I wouldn’t trade places with a non-aphant if I had the chance. That’s the honest truth.

And, just for fun, here’s a third link to the Aphantasia Guide!

Celebrating Jesus!
Tammy C

Sometimes You Just Need a Do Over

Tammy M Cardwell2 Comments
Back to the Beginning

Years ago, my aunt gave me starts from my grandmother’s hen and chicks plant. That plant, which grew quite large, was my favorite of everything I had. It was the only plant I brought with me to my new place.

But on the day of the move I was tired and stupid. I parked a plant that had been inside for nearly a year outside in full sun while we were in a drought with hundred degree days. I cooked Granny’s plant.

Once things calmed down and I’d regained a few brain cells, I went outside to check it out and discovered a few (exactly 7) pieces that were still hanging on. In hopes of salvaging something, I cut them off and put them in water to hopefully root.

They did root, and today I was able to put them in this cute little planter on my window shelf. And I felt better. Granny, or the plant she nurtured, is with me again just as I’d hoped. Even better than I’d hoped, actually, because while this little planter works on my window shelf the larger plant could only be outside.

Sometimes we mess up. Sometimes we blow it so completely that we destroy something we love. But then there is grace. God cares about even the little things in my life, and though I’d personally signed that plant’s death warrant He saved part of it for me.

So…I start over. I’ll care for this new pot and get to watch my plant grow all over again, see the crazy ways it spreads out, and start new plants off fallen leaves. Grace gave me back what I’d thought completely lost and now I’m totally prepared to move on forward without feeling quite so bad about that particular mistake.

Sometimes going back to the beginning is a blessing.

Celebrating Jesus!

Tammy C

The Trifecta – Lessons Learned

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If you’ve heard my story before, stick with me anyway. Please.

My life, until shortly before I turned 19, was filled with worry. I cannot sufficiently express how completely the worry consumed me. It was so bad, so constant, that it felt normal. And then the pastor of the church God had led me to only months (weeks?) earlier had an altar call for those battling worry.

I was there. So were many others. We lined the altar, standing shoulder to shoulder. Pastor Ronnie started at the end to my right; he prayed for people and they went to sit down. Pray, return to seat. Pray, return to seat. Pray, return to seat. And then there was Tammy.

He stopped in front of me, met my eyes, and said, “Stay right here.”

WHAT?!

Maybe you can imagine how I felt standing there. Worry was obviously a factor. What?! Why?! What was he going to do? Why was I different? How long did I wait? I was so far beyond all kinds of awkward that I have pretty clear memories of those relative hours I spent watching more and more people be prayed for and return to their seats.

After what felt like a month, he came back to me. He was completely serious, and kind, and loving as he stood before this 18-year-old girl he was only just getting to know. We never discussed this moment later, so I don’t know what he was thinking, but I know for a fact that he understood two things.

1. He was aware that my issue was beyond normal worry, that there was a spirit of worry he’d have to deal with.

2. He knew that my brain would need extra help.

As he stood in front of me, he had me hold out my arms. Then he took off his suit jacket and laid it across them. Again looking me in the eyes, he said, “I want you to imagine a river of blood running at your feet. I’m going to pray for you, and when I finish you’re going to drop my jacket. Think of it as your worries and see them disappear under that blood. And realize you’ll have to reach through the blood to pick them up again.”

Now, it’s been over 40 years, so obviously that’s not an exact quote, but you get the idea. He prayed. I don’t remember what he prayed, though I’m sure part of it was dealing with that spirit of worry, then he said amen and I dropped the jacket. I was free. I knew something big had just happened.

And now to why I entitled this “The Trifecta.” Pastor Ronnie, like Moses, did his part. God, just as was true in Egypt, did His part; He delivered me out of bondage to worry. Now it was time for me to do my part, to get the worry out of me.

I look back and I am so grateful! In comparing my walk to that of the Jews entering the desert, I see how easily I could have returned to letting worry rule over me, to go back to sacrificing myself on its altar. I didn’t in part because a wise man of God knew that I needed a tool, something to remind me that in order to carry the worry again I had to reach through the blood of Jesus to pick it up.

Once the spirit of worry was dealt with, the choice was mine, and it was an every day, every hour choice that I had to actively make. It is a choice I still have to actively, consistently make. In fact, I wrote a post not long ago entitled, “Drop It,” where I shared the new tool God had given me to help me deal with worry as well as a few other things. The devil knows what worked on me before, so he often tries to work the same tactic again. (Remember this when God delivers you from any addiction.)

Jesus said something along the lines of, “Don’t be afraid,” 365 times, and worry is a form of fear. So yes, He is well aware that it’s something we all deal with and yes, He is telling us it is something we can control.

For me, I kind of think it’s like Paul’s thorn in the flesh. God never removed that thorn, whatever it was, but He gave Paul the grace to deal with it. “My grace is sufficient for you,” God said in 2nd Corinthians 12:9. In 2nd Corinthians 9:8 we are told that God can cause all grace to abound towards us so we have every sufficiency for every good work. He gives us what we need to overcome.

Now, I will step to the side a second and say this. Sometimes He gives us the tool called medicine. A couple of times in the past 13 or so years, I spent a few months on antidepressants, and for years I carried a bottle of anti-anxiety medication with me. My occasional need for the anti-anxiety meds ended shortly after my husband passed away (which kind of makes clearer the stress I lived under). I am grateful that I had the medical help I needed when I needed it.

So, to bring this web-bound book to a close, when we need big things in our lives, it’s a team effort. God must be in the mix, a minister or other faith-filled believer may be needed, and we will have to do our part. Our part involves walking by faith, and that faith will require us to make the right choices and do the right things.

The three working together? That’s powerful!

Celebrating Jesus!
Tammy C

I Need These Nights

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I just got home from our church’s monthly worship night. It’s one hour of nothing but worship-me and God. I need these nights. I need them for a variety of reasons.

One is that it’s a service for which I have no staff responsibilities. If you are on staff at your church, you know this is huge. For regular services, although I am definitely taking part, I am also sensitive to anything I might need to deal with as a staff member. In services, for instance, my phone is by me at all times in case another staff member texts with a question or needing help. At WILD Worship, we all put our phones away so they can’t distract us.

Two, I’m a worshipper. Yes, I worship in service. Yes, I worship at home. The atmosphere on these nights, though, is distinctly different. There is no substitute for groups of people coming together for the express purpose of worshipping God. This is true unity and it is a blessing.

Three, there are no distractions. It’s more than just putting away cell phones. It’s low lighting that helps minimize visual distractions. It’s going in knowing people are free to get up and move around, which means you don’t even think about them. You can more easily focus on God and God alone.

Four, and this is the point of the night: God. This hour is ALL about my personal relationship with God. It’s not just me singing awesome words to a song I know or being uncomfortable with a song I’ve never heard. I would get into these nights if the songs were sung in a language I don’t even understand.

Why? It’s WORSHIP. It’s getting face to face with God, Jesus, and Holy Spirit. Part of the time that means me singing the songs with an engaged heart. Part of the time it’s me singing or praying in tongues. Part of the time it’s just us, God and me, talking. A lot of the time it’s me listening while He talks.

And He does talk to me on these nights. While He has my undivided attention, He reveals things to me, gives me visions, explains things I’ve been wondering about, and more. I go into these nights knowing we will talk, expecting Him to be right there with me, and He has never failed to come.

Five, when He’s there with me, I have no choice but to self-check. I live an active God-focused life — praying, studying His Word, and in general spending time with Him every day, pretty much keeping up an ongoing conversation. Even so, knowing that I will sense Him there beside me during that hour, I start these evenings with my focus on me, checking my heart, seeing if I’ve let my attention shift in the past month, and repenting as needed. This is my monthly reality check, and I value it in part for that reason.

I value these nights. I treasure them. I need them. I dare say we all do.

Celebrating Jesus!

Tammy C

Only in the Night

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Eleven years ago, a friend and neighbor called me late at night, telling me that I absolutely had to head over to witness something she was sure I had never seen. She was right.

Night Blooming Cereus, at least the particular plant you see in this admittedly not-great photo, only blooms at night, and only blooms once a year. I’d seen it many times during the day and it was a remarkable plant – remarkable in that it wasn’t all that attractive. She cared for it tenderly though, and nurtured it, because of how glorious it is on that one night a year.

I spent a lot of time over there that night, chatting with my friends and admiring a thing of beauty that was entirely new to me. What if I’d not been home? What if I’d refused to respond to the invitation? I would have missed out, and I would’ve had no idea what I was missing.

The fact is, there are a lot of beautiful things we can only see in the dark. Plants like this one, fireworks, the stars…

The same applies to dark times in our lives. Frankly, there are many truly wonderful things that can only be seen and understood when we let God lead us through the night.

Do we want to walk in the dark? Not really, no. But just like I would have missed that one-night-only flower if I’d refused to accept the invitation and step out, we miss many nighttime-only lessons when we refuse to let God lead us through those dark days of our lives.

Uncomfortable? Undeniably.

Potentially fear inducing? Yep.

Profitable? Beyond our wildest imaginations.

Celebrating Jesus!

Tammy C

Don’t Get Ahead of God

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One of my group members (Experiencing the Bible for Christians) recently posted something simple that instantly triggered a memory.

Don’t get ahead of God.

It’s kind of obvious. We all know about Abraham and Sarah and how, when they decided to get ahead of God, they ended up with Ishmael – and problems. Even so, this morning, when thinking about her post, I had a flashback.

I’m not sure how old I was. I was definitely old enough to know better, though I was still a kid. We’d gone to the store and were walking across the parking lot with Mother when I decided she and my sister were too slow. So I took off, getting ahead of them. In seconds, Mother called my name in panic and a glance showed me I’d been crossing the path of an oncoming car. Thankfully, the driver had quick responses and I wasn’t hit. I got a good talking to that day. I also learned the absolute necessity of looking both ways instead of running blindly forward.

Don’t get ahead of God.

There’s a reason He holds us to a certain pace, and we have no way of knowing what that reason is until He tells us, if He tells us. When we get ahead of Him, we can really mess things up. When we get ahead of Him, we can also get hurt, sometimes badly. Life can be like that car that was quickly bearing down on me; we need to stay sensitive to our Father and not walk out in front of something that can mow us down.

Don’t get ahead of God.

Celebrating Jesus!
Tammy C

Tiny House Part 1: The Dream

Tammy M Cardwell3 Comments

I’ve been fascinated by tiny houses since I first learned about them and I’ve always felt that, if I were alone, I could live in one and enjoy it. I loved the idea of getting rid of the unnecessary and paring my life down to what really matters.

Through the years, my conviction grew, especially as life with my husband became increasingly challenging. I pretty much ended up living in our bedroom until after his passing when I was able to “move back into” the rest of the apartment. Living in the whole house was amazing at first, but eventually it began to feel like too much. I didn’t need almost 1,000 square feet and, frankly, I grew uncomfortable with that much space.

When he passed on October 1 of last year, I lost his income, so I knew immediately that when my lease was up I would have to move out of our two-bedroom, one bath apartment. The challenge was that rents in our town have increased astronomically in recent years and my options were extremely limited. I knew that, if nothing else, my kids would welcome me into their home, but no one wants to do that to their children. Well, I didn’t.

I must pause to give glory to God here. Losing my husband’s income left me literally unable to pay the full rent. He’d been sick for nearly ten years, and life with him had been expensive. Our savings was gone, and the credit cards were maxed out. And no, as I imagine is true of many narcissists, he had no life insurance. No matter how tightly I ran the budget, how much I went without, I was consistently hundreds of dollars short of having enough to last a month. The money simply wasn’t there. BUT GOD WAS.

God provided faithfully. Every. Single. Month. For months on end, people gave me money without knowing why they were giving it. It was always exactly what I needed to make up for the shortfall. I did eventually start receiving my widow’s benefits, which made things worlds easier, but that was months later. God made sure my rent was paid one way or another in the meantime.

Eventually, after months of housing research and lots of prayer, not knowing what I was going to do, a beautiful offer was made to me. I was invited over and shown a small area inside a big building. “If we built this out, could you live here?”

“YES! I definitely could!”

And so, we jumped in. They started work on putting things together at their place, and I began taking things apart at mine. Some parameters were already set. The area they’d selected had originally been intended as a sort of pool house: It had three walls in place, one window, and an area that was already partially plumbed and would become my bathroom. The footprint was 22′ by 10′. Yes, I was moving into 220 square feet. My tiny home dream was going to become a reality at the same time my financial burden would be greatly reduced. Double win! (Well, triple win, because I was going to live only yards away from my very best friend.)

Within days of the decision being made, I’d gotten my hands on a pad of graph paper, mapped out what I thought would be the final footprint of my efficiency/studio/tiny home, and started reality checking. What were the necessities? What was possible? What was doable?

It was time to start working out a plan.

And this is the first in a series that will cover my tiny home life!

Celebrating Jesus!
Tammy C