victory

THE WIFE OF COLONEL THOMAS.

Tammy M CardwellLeave a comment

Then since there is no other way but fight or die,
Be resolute, my lord, for victory.
                                                            Shakespeare.

Jane Thomas, wife of John Thomas, Colonel of the Spartan regiment of South Carolina, was a native of Chester county, Pennsylvania. She was a woman of remarkable coolness and intrepidity, as a single act of hers, in the times that tried women’s souls, plainly indicates.

Governor Rutledge having stored a quantity of arms and ammunition in the house of Colonel Thomas, under a guard of twenty-five men, the tories were determined to obtain these munitions. To this end they sent a large party under Colonel More of North Carolina. Apprised of their approach and not daring to engage with a force so superior, Colonel Thomas fled with his twenty-five soldiers, taking along as much ammunition as could be conveniently carried. Two young men and the women were now the sole occupants of the house. The tories marched up to the door, but instead of being invited by the ladies to enter, they were ordered off the premises. Not choosing to obey the commands of the mistress, they commenced firing into the logs of the house. The compliment was instantly returned from the upper story; and the women now loading the guns for the older of the two young men to discharge, a constant and perilous firing was kept up from the chamber, which soon made the assailants desperate. They forthwith attempted to demolish the “batten door,” but it was too strongly barricaded. Finding that them selves were likely to share a worse fate then the door, they finally obeyed the original orders of the intrepid mistress; withdrew from the premises and fled. Mrs. Thomas soon afterwards descended, and opening the door, there met her returning husband.

-The ammunition saved on that occasion by the courage of a woman, was the main supply, it is said, of Sumter’s army in the skirmishes at Rocky Mount and Hanging Rock.

______

Excerpted from Noble Deeds of American Women
(Patriotic Series for Boys and Girls)
Edited by J. Clement
——
With an Introduction by Mrs. L. H. Sigourney
Illustrated
BOSTON: Lee and Shepard, Publishers
Entered by Act of Congress, in the year of 1851,
by E. H. Derby and Co., in the Clerk’s Office of the Northern District of New York
______

Sometimes You Just Keep Fighting

Tammy M CardwellLeave a comment

Last Saturday we had our annual crawfish boil and auction. It’s a massive fundraising event that provides the bulk of what we need for our many missions and outreach projects. The devil hates Operation BAM (The umbrella organization) and every year I remind my teams to keep the auction and everyone involved with it – our whole church, actually – in prayer because one thing that is consistent where this event it concerned is demonic attack.

This year we faced those attacks on a whole new level; members of our congregation were hit so often and so hard that I knew we were about to see something truly supernatural. The attacks kept on to even the day of, when a vital app crashed and required our silent auction team to pivot and make it work the old fashioned way.

That’s the big picture. Now mine.

At the end of March/early April, I discovered two things: Gnats had found their way into my apartment and I am terribly allergic to gnat bites. We started doing what we could to get rid of the gnats, and are still working on getting rid of them. (Many people have told me they’re exceptionally bad this year.) I also attacked my physical symptoms with everything I could – under my primary care’s supervision.

At one point, my chest and neck might as well have been one massive welt. Controlling the itch was a constant, 24/7 issue. At night, I was waking up every hour or hour and a half practically clawing my skin off, jumping up to re-medicate, suffering until the itching eased, and then trying to get a little sleep before it started again. In other words, I went weeks getting maybe three hours of sleep a night.

At the same time, I was taking massive doses of antihistamine. I was taking so much antihistamine that there was no way I could hydrate sufficiently. It was only near the end of this traumatic time that I remembered things like Liquid IV; I wasn’t thinking overly clearly. No surprise there; if you know anything about the dangers of sleep deprivation and dehydration, you can imagine where I was physically and emotionally. Actually, and mentally.

Demonic attack. Seriously.

This whole time, I was doing my part to prepare for the auction. This is part of my calling, and I intended to get the job done. I knew it was an attack, and I wasn’t going to let the devil win.

That last week before the auction was the worst. I was truly sick the whole week. In fact, there was a point at which I admitted, only to myself, that I might not make it through the whole week, much less through the event itself. Everything I did was a struggle, because I was physically drained and wasn’t able to think straight, and I was so concerned about making mistakes that I had someone check my work periodically. In point of fact, I did make some mistakes that I’ve had to clean up.

But I refused to give up the fight.

When God gives you an important assignment, the devil is going to try to distract you, derail you, stop you. I know this, and I was determined to give everything I had even if that everything wasn’t enough. I did make it through the week, and through the auction (with an unbelievably massive headache that didn’t respond to any medication), praying and relying on God to help me. I did what a good soldier does on the battlefield. I kept on fighting, moving forward one step at a time, convinced that God was in the process of working miracles. And He did.

We raised just under $200,000.00.

That sounds like a massive amount of money, and it is. The specific number was $197,500 which, if I remember correctly, is about $30,000 higher than our highest year to date. BAM stands for Be A Miracle, and this will enable us to be a miracle to even more people, more organizations, and more disaster areas than we ever have. And I was part of it!

Because I kept fighting.

The gnats are still around, though they don’t get in my apartment quite so easily now and the trap and spray I’m using pretty much kills them when they do. I also, thanks to the suggestion of a wise friend, bought a mosquito net for my bed and that’s kept me from being bitten while I slept. Now that it’s not being constantly irritated by new bites, my skin is clearing up and I’m definitely healing. Thursday night, for the first time in a month, I slept eight hours, and I’ve slept at least eight hours a night since then. This morning, driving to church, I realized that I finally felt right again – totally rested, thinking clearly, genuinely ready for another day.

All because I refused to give in and denied the devil the victory. As bad as it got, I won because I kept fighting.

Never give up!

Celebrating Jesus!
Tammy C

Your Narcissist is Not Your Real Enemy

Tammy M CardwellLeave a comment

I know what you’re thinking. Yes, it definitely feels like the narcissist in your life is your biggest enemy. They’re not, though. The fact is, in the spiritual war you’re in, the narcissist is nothing more than a weapon in the devil’s arsenal. He or she is, in fact, just a tool the enemy uses in his attempts to keep you in fear, distracted from your relationship with God, and to ultimately defeat you. Still doubt me? Let’s look at Ephesians 6:12 in the New Living Translation.

For we are not fighting against flesh and blood enemies, but against evil rulers and authorities of the unseen world, against mighty powers in this dark world, and against evil spirits in heavenly places.

THAT is where we find our true enemy. Again, the narcissist you deal with daily is nothing but a tool or weapon in the devil’s hands. I’m not saying don’t fight your narcissist; I’m just saying that if you invest all your efforts in fighting the human enemy you see, you will wear yourself out pointlessly. What we have to do, what we absolutely must do if we want to not just survive, but thrive, is put on our spiritual armor and go to battle.

It’s called Spiritual Warfare

In my experience, most Christians would rather avoid even thinking about spiritual warfare. I get it. I’ve been there. In those early years, when I was just starting to really walk with God, to be a growing Christian instead of a perpetually childlike Christian, I felt it was all I could do just to learn to truly walk the Christian walk; spiritual warfare was a whole new level I wasn’t interested in rising to.

But here’s the thing. I was in the middle of a war whether I liked it or not. I just couldn’t see the battles that were going on around me. It was only by the grace of God that I was protected as I was, walking through the battlefield, unarmed and clothed in nothing but my naivety. 

All of that changed when I admitted that my narcissistic husband was having an affair. Mind you, this may or may not have been his first affair; I don’t know. It was, however, the first affair I knew about, and by this point I was sensitive enough to what was going on in the spirit world that I recognized the evil he had brought back into our household. Yes, this is the first time I remember fully comprehending that this man I still loved was literally fighting on the devil’s side – though I guarantee you he would have denied it.

The affair, and its effects, drove me to my knees like never before. After the kids went to bed, while he was out with that other woman, I was spending hours in prayer. The prayers began out of a desperate need for God’s intervention. They continued hour after hour, day after day, week after week, because I learned that nothing on this earth even begins to compare to getting heart-close with God. Never mind stepping up to the next level; I experienced what I think of as “level leaping” during those months.

Yes

Months

I’ve referred in previous blog posts to how my life radically changed when, like Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego, I was thrown into the fiery furnace. This is the furnace I was referring to. Suddenly, like them, I was face-to-face with Jesus in the midst of an inferno – and the flames didn’t matter anymore.

That’s not to say I didn’t care that the man I was in covenant with had broken our covenant, that it meant nothing that our son was suddenly having walking night terrors… I simply mean that nothing – nothing you will ever experience here on this earth – can compare with spending intimate, focused time with Him. Nothing.

We don’t know what Jesus said to those Hebrew boys while they toured the inside of the furnace, but we do know the experience changed them. Actually, it changed a lot more than them; the whole nation was affected. But you know this time in the furnace impacted them for the rest of their lives; it made all the difference.

It made all the difference for me too.

God taught me so much during those months! Yes, part of our time together involved spiritual warfare, and that was huge, but He started by ensuring I learned the most important thing of all. He showed me who I am, and Whose I am, and I began to understand just how precious I am to Him. Listen to me, no matter what your narcissist tells you, or how they treat you, you are precious to God. He loves you so much that if you had been the only one in the world needing salvation, He would have sent Jesus to die on the cross for you and you alone. 

I mean that literally! Even after all the years I’ve been living close to Him I still realize I can’t even begin to comprehend how much God loves me, how much He treasures me. Decades of being married to a man who made it clear in many subtle ways that I wasn’t attractive, wasn’t love-worthy, wasn’t enough… That could have destroyed me completely. It did not because of the time I spent in the furnace, face to face with Jesus, and the intimate relationship that continued when we walked back out, the one we still enjoy to this day.

This is why I push so hard, encouraging you to get just as close as you can to Him, to pray and fellowship with Him, to spend time in His Word, to be active in the church He calls you to… It’s all necessary if you want to do more than just survive.

You do, don’t you? I mean, I spent years just surviving in my marriage. We’d been married over ten years before he had the affair that drove me deeply into God’s arms. Honestly, the first few years didn’t seem so very bad; I thought the way he treated me was normal. By the time of the affair, though, I was literally in survival mode.

So, while I wouldn’t wish the fire on anyone, I’m glad I was thrown into it, because that experience was a turning point for me. It opened my eyes to the reality of what I’d been dealing with – not that he was a narcissist (That I only admitted a few years ago) – but that I had been a passive Christian, refusing to acknowledge that I have spiritual responsibilities and I’d been choosing not to live up to them.

Child of God, you will not thrive as a toddler wandering around on a spiritual battlefield. Survive? Well, God is so merciful that He covers a lot. However, the toddler is easily distracted, easily drawn in the wrong direction, and all too easily destroyed. That sounds harsh, I know, but I’m here to tell you it doesn’t have to be your story.

I’m glad I entered the fire. I’m glad God taught me all He did during those months – much of it being about spiritual warfare. From that point onward, I was a totally different Christian. Yes, my husband sometimes hurt me like no one else on earth could have, but from then on I knew who I was really fighting, and though I definitely had times when I fell to the floor in agony I tried hard to focus my efforts on my true enemy. I concentrated on learning how to be a warrior.

I’ve said it before. A child married Jack Cardwell, but a warrior spread his ashes. I thrived during the last twenty-five years or so of our marriage. Yes, for reasons even I don’t understand, I never was able to walk away from him completely. However, I did outlive him, and now I’m free to help others learn to walk as warriors too.

Step One?
Let’s go back to Ephesians 6, verses 10 through 18.
Again, I’m in the New Living Translation.

“A final word: Be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power. Put on all of God’s armor so that you will be able to stand firm against all strategies of the devil. For we are not fighting against flesh and blood enemies, but against evil rulers and authorities of the unseen world, against mighty powers in this dark world, and against evil spirits in the heavenly places. Therefore, put on every piece of God’s armor so you will be able to resist the enemy in the time of evil. Then after the battle you will still be standing firm. Stand your ground, putting on the belt of truth and the body armor of God’s righteousness. For shoes, put on the peace that comes from the Good News so that you will be fully prepared. In addition to all of these, hold up the shield of faith to stop the fiery arrows of the devil. Put on salvation as your helmet, and take the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God. Pray in the Spirit at all times and on every occasion. Stay alert and be persistent in your prayers for all believers everywhere.”

Spiritual Warfare is a huge topic I’m not prepared to address fully here. However, I can point you in the direction of some excellent resources by someone I’ve learned to trust.

Dressed to Kill: A Biblical Approach to Spiritual Warfare and Armor, by Rick Renner, is a powerful resource, and it comes in ebook format as well as paperback, hardcover, and audiobook, so you can read without being obvious if you don’t want anyone to know what you’re researching.

Life in the Combat Zone: How to Survive, Thrive, & Overcome in the Midst of Difficult Situations, also by Rick Renner, is another excellent resource available in all four formats.

If you use YouTube, you can search for “Rick Renner Spiritual Warfare” and find several video options. 

You can also visit his website, renner.org.

Let’s do this!

Celebrating Jesus!
Tammy C

God Tells Secrets

Tammy M CardwellLeave a comment

On the Saturday before Resurrection Sunday (AKA Easter), I “happened” to be studying Genesis 22. The word happened is in quotation marks here because I don’t for one minute think it was coincidence. I’d been trying to study this chapter for a couple of weeks, but hadn’t had enough cell signal in my apartment to run the Through the Word app. (Awesome app: If you don’t have it, get it. Use it.)

So, on the day before one of my favorite days of the year, I read one of the most challenging chapters in God’s Word, and the timing was perfect.

You probably know the story. God makes a request of Abraham, asking him to sacrifice his only son. You can tell going in that something isn’t quite right, because God has a clear stance on human sacrifice. (He’s totally opposed.) So… God’s up to something. Right?

This chapter is so full of rich details that it’s easy to miss some things. Like the fact that it’s God who speaks to Abraham in verse 1, but after Abraham proves himself it’s God’s Son, Jesus, who does the talking. I can’t go into all the details, though. Let’s just look at this.

Obviously, Abraham was convinced God was up to something too. He knew God well enough, and so completely trusted God’s promise to give him countless descendants through Isaac, that he dared obey. As Hebrews 11:18-19 (NET) tells us, “God had told him, ‘Through Isaac descendants will carry on your name,’ and he reasoned that God could even raise him from the dead, and in a sense he received him back from there.”

Sound familiar? It should. In writing, it’s called foreshadowing when something is a warning or indication of some future event.

When Abraham told Isaac that God would provide the offering, he wasn’t just speaking about their personal sacrifice. He didn’t realize it, of course, but looking from this side of the cross we know he was also prophesying about the Ultimate Sacrifice. Abraham didn’t withhold his only son, his child of promise, and God didn’t withhold His only Son, His child of Promise.

Perhaps my favorite detail in Genesis 22 is one I had either never noticed before or hadn’t recalled. In verse 14 it says, “And Abraham called the name of that place ‘The Lord provides.’ It is said to this day, ‘In the mountain of the Lord provision will be made.’”

And it was. On that very same mountain, Mount Moriah, outside of Jerusalem, IT – Salvation – was provided when God gave up His only Son. A proverb spoken for about 2,000 years in the future tense was fulfilled when Jesus shouted (SHOUTED, my friends! Have you ever noticed that?!) “It is finished!”

Like I said, God’s timing is perfect. Due to weak cell signal, I’d been unable to do the Through the Word study for this chapter until the very day I needed to see it. It’s such a timely reminder of how completely God has everything planned out, and how wholly we can trust Him.

He is risen!
He is risen indeed!

Celebrating Jesus!
Tammy C

I Repeat: Get Into the Bible!

Tammy M CardwellLeave a comment

I’ve leaned a lot, lately, on getting into the Word of God, making the Bible a vital part of your daily walk. And I’m not just talking about reading a chapter a day so you can mark it off some checklist. James 1:22 (NLT) hands out a warning: “But don’t just listen to God’s Word. You must do what it says. Otherwise, you are only fooling yourselves.”

Most people who call themselves Christians think the Bible is optional. They’re wrong. It’s not. Period. It is no more optional than food is. Without food, our bodies aren’t healthy. Without the Word, our spirits aren’t healthy.

And don’t think you get enough Word while sitting in a pew on Sunday morning. You don’t. I don’t care how good your pastor is, he cannot “feed” you enough to make you grow into a mature, healthy Christian. That requires you digging into the Word for yourself on a regular basis, just like you eat meals regularly. If you doubt me, I challenge to you read – truly read – Hebrews or James and see what those ministers had to say about the importance of actively making God’s Word part of you.

Fact: It’s easy to assume you don’t need something you don’t have. I can testify to that on a physical level. For years, I’ve been dealing with some issues that I finally took to my NP friend who put me on a supplement that not only dealt with those issues but others as well. I had no idea I needed this stuff, but I did. The same holds true for the Word of God in our lives.

Am I hitting hard on this today? Yes. I try to be kind and loving and all of that, but I see great unrest in the church, many who are giving up because they don’t know how to fight, others who… Not going there. I’ll just say this: In all the falling away that I see happening, one thing that seems consistent is a lack of grounding in the Bible. Our faith must be rooted in the Word of God. Jesus, in the Parable of the Sower, in Mark 4:17, says, “But since they don’t have deep roots, they don’t last long. They fall away as soon as they have problems or are persecuted for believing God’s word.” As I see it, one of the largest failures in the church today is the failure to develop a relationship with The Word. 

In case you don’t realize it… John 1:1-2 (NLT)
“In the beginning the Word already existed.
The Word was with God,
and the Word was God.
He existed in the beginning with God.”

The Word is Jesus. Jesus is the Word. Do you want to know Jesus? Well, then…

So yes, if you are a member of the majority that hasn’t made the Bible a priority in your life, I challenge you to adjust your priorities right now. With the challenge, I’ll also suggest two tools that can help you start and maintain a Bible habit.

First, because it goes into a lot about Bibles and how to study as well as offering reviews and a whole section that gives you the chance to apply my personal Bible study method, I encourage you to snag a copy of my book, Experiencing the Bible. It comes in three formats.

Experiencing the Bible: A Guide and Journal

PRINT
In Experiencing the Bible, I not only explain various study methods, including my own, but also give you the chance to try my method out for yourself. Part two of the print version is literally passages from the Bible accompanied by my personal reactions to them, all running parallel with journaling lines that allow you to respond to the passages I’m focusing on.

EBOOK
Experiencing the Bible is also available for ebook lovers. You can get it at Amazon. You can also find it in a variety of formats at Smashwords. (Hint: At Smashwords you set the price. Honestly, you can pay whatever you want, including nothing!)

AUDIO
If you prefer to listen to your books, Experiencing the Bible is also available on Amazon in audiobook format, recorded by Nancy Higgins.

Experiencing the Bible Journal
Obviously, the ebook and audiobook versions don’t offer the journaling option, but you can still read or listen to my notes and then pause to journal your own. Any paper will do, of course, but I went ahead and created a matching journal as well. 

Through the Word Bible App
(Excerpted from Experiencing the Bible)

I’ve used the Through the Word app pretty much every day since I first discovered it. The concept is simple. They’ve put together teachings on every chapter in the Bible and then offered up a variety of ways in which to listen to them. 

To start, download the Through the Word app, register, and then take time to complete their introductory session. While you might want to dive right in (and you can, by heading straight to Browse), it really is best to start here. I know because I didn’t and wish I had. 

Once you’re ready, you can walk through the Bible one book at a time in any order, or you can browse their topical options under “Bible Journeys” or “Bible Topics.” My first foray was into their End Times collection, which uses chapters from Daniel, Thessalonians, Jude, Revelation, Proverbs, Joel, 1 Peter, and 2 Peter, and I could not limit myself to one session a day. The things I found myself learning were fascinating and valuable! 

Since my current course is to read through the whole Bible, I’m working through the books in order, and I’ve fallen into a rhythm with its chapter-by-chapter audio guides. I begin by reading the current chapter in my Bible, making notes as I read, then I listen to the audio guide, usually making more notes as I do. I learn so much in these short messages! And when I say short, I’m talking less than 10 minutes per chapter. At the completion of each chapter’s audio guide, I’ll then listen to a reading of that chapter in whatever translation I’ve chosen. 

The app offers options. Hit browse and you’ll see that you can follow various Bible Journeys. (i.e., The Big Picture [Overview of the Bible in 25 key chapters], Foundations [Genesis, Daniel, Romans], Glory & Grace [Isaiah, Galatians, 1 Corinthians]) You can also select specific chapters, Study by topic (i.e., Faith, Peace, Marriage, Anxiety, Prayer), or choose selections from your preferred teacher. 

The commentaries are done by a variety of teachers: Kris Langham, Peyton Jones, Jonathan Ferguson, Sandy Adams, and Skip Heitzig. Each has his own personality and presentation style, and I appreciate them all. 

One thing you’ll want to do right away is hit Settings and choose your preferred Bible translation so that you’re listening to the passages in the version that best serves you. Your options as of this writing are CSB, ESV, NIV, and NLT. 

All of this is FREE. You will have the opportunity to make donations to the ministry to help keep it free, but you’re never asked for money; you’ll hardly ever hear money mentioned at all. 

CURRENT NOTE: There have been updates, including the introduction of some new instructors, since I wrote that review. They’ve also recently released a major app update that, among other things, introduces the option of inviting others to join you in your studies. I am looking forward to trying this option!

Please, understand that I only hit hard on things like this because I care. The Christian walk isn’t easy. It isn’t supposed to be easy. We’re caught up in a war with the devil whether we like it or not, and babies don’t fight battles.

Celebrating Jesus!
Tammy C

A Different Kind of New Year’s Post

Tammy M Cardwell9 Comments

I listen to the clock ticking, and it is a comforting sound. Why?

Silence.

For the first time in many years, the house is silent – no 24-7 TV, no…

Well, I had something else in mind when I wrote the first sentence. I wasn’t at all going to head in this direction, but it’s time. It’s the end of the year for the rest of the world, but the end of an era for me…and I’m ready to shed some things. Maybe, hopefully, my story will encourage others.

Long story a little shorter, I spent decades married to a narcissist. I was in denial most of the time, and though it never really felt right I accepted it as my inevitable normal.

Mind you, there were times in his life (definitely in the last few weeks) when he was right with God, or so I believe. It’s hard to tell because narcissists have a gift for looking like awesome people from the outside. Their spouses and children, though… they pay the price. All things – every, single, thing – revolve around the desires of the narcissist, and they are only “generous” and “thoughtful” when others are looking on and can be impressed. Pretty much nothing matters but them and their happiness. Oh, and anything that goes wrong is inevitably someone else’s fault.

So, if you know the story of my husband’s disabilities, you can imagine how hard the last several years have been. He lost the tight control he’d always held, so he worked even harder in other areas like emotional manipulation and what I’ll call “practical punishment” – such things as trashing the house any time I wasn’t at home. Because, well, his situation was my fault.

There have been good moments. I know there have been, but they are so overshadowed by years of…everything from emotional abuse and infidelity to threats of self-harm, yelling, and ridiculous accusations that those memories are not readily accessible – and I’m not inclined to go digging.

He passed away 3 months ago tomorrow, and every single day of those three months I’ve thanked God for giving me the chance to live the life man is supposed to live. The word for my life right now is “Freedom.”

I’ve survived…no, thanks to God I’ve thrived through over thirty years of pretty much every kind of abuse but physical abuse. With God’s promise of forever, I’ve been able to face each day knowing that “this too shall pass.” Speaking honestly here, it did not kill me; it made me stronger.

The joy of the Lord – both the joy He has given me as I’ve focused on seeking Him through the years and His joy in me – has been my strength. My faith is where it is not in spite of, but because of the battles I’ve fought.

And now?

Now my home is silent enough that I hear the ticking of the clock on the wall. Today, I know continual peace even in the midst of new-widowhood challenges. Today, I know happiness on a level I’ve not seen since I was a child. As one confused friend recently expressed it to my sister, I glow.

So I’m leaving 2022 with a great sense of gratitude, and looking to 2023 with a special kind of hope and expectation.

I’m listening to the clock on the wall with a smile on my face.

Celebrating Jesus!
Tammy C

To our friends who thought you knew Jack, I’m sorry you had to learn this. I’ve spent three months letting most people think I’m just relieved not to be the primary caregiver of a very ill person…and I’ve felt like a hypocrite. I’m tired of hiding behind the lies of our life together.