fear

What My Cervical Traction Device Taught Me About Faith

Tammy M Cardwell2 Comments

RESTCLOUD Neck and Shoulder Relaxer

This funny looking thing is a cervical traction device, AKA my neck stretcher. Other than going to the chiropractor, this is the best tool I have for fighting neck issues. As I lie on it, this bit of oddly-shaped foam gently pulls at my neck, slightly separating the vertebrae, releasing pressure, and helping relieve the headaches that pressure can cause. It’s one of the best investments I’ve ever made, and I encourage you to check it out if neck issues plague you.

I use it often, like at least once a day, and there is something I’ve noticed while using it. Obviously this process takes time, which means it requires patience. I’ve also discovered, however, that for it to work most effectively, I must relax fully while lying on it.

Sounds simple, right? I mean, it should be. The funny thing is, I’ve discovered I can honestly think I’m totally relaxed when suddenly I’ll exhale or move slightly and a muscle I haven’t even realized I was keeping tense will abruptly loosen. When this happens, my head shifts slightly and I feel a definite release; in an instant, everything is totally different – better. Over time, I’ve learned to consciously pay attention to all those little muscles, intentionally relaxing them as I rest on this “pillow.” When I do this, the effects are amazing.

Interestingly, as I was lying there thinking about this during a twenty-minute session a few days ago, I realized just how much the experience parallels my faith walk. Having faith in God, trusting Him, also requires patience and relaxation. For my faith to work the way it’s supposed to, I must consciously let go of anything that holds me back from “relaxing,” from leaning into Him and trusting Him to do what He’s promised.

It’s funny, really. We know that faith without works is dead (James 2:26) and it seems that my first work of faith in any situation is to choose to put my trust completely in Him, to consciously set aside any worries, fears, and distractions that would interfere with me resting on His love, grace, and mercy.

Anyone with experience knows it’s not always that simple. When you hear the devil yelling at you, it’s relatively easy to recognize his voice and throw the Word at him. The real challenge comes when he whispers; it’s in the little things. Like a tiny muscle that tenses when you clench your jaw without realizing it, a snide comment from a “friend” can tear away at your faith. A glance at online banking can lead you to wonder if God is going to come through this time. Doubt doesn’t always run in; it often sneaks in the back door.

The key is to stay alert and keep that door locked, to be conscious of your spiritual state and aware of what is and is not affecting you. Keeping your focus on Jesus, refusing to be distracted by the doubt-inspiring signs around you, helps you stay on track, maintain your trust in God (which is what faith is), and rest in Him.

You will keep in perfect peace
all who trust in you,
all whose thoughts are fixed on you!
Trust in the LORD always,
for the LORD GOD is the eternal Rock.
Isaiah 26:3-4 NLT

It’s easy to give in to fear, to abandon the fight and let the giant win, but that’s not what God has called us to do. He’s called us to remember whose kids we are, that we are children of The Most High God and He is the Ultimate Faithful Father.

Yeah, let’s do that.

Celebrating Jesus!
Tammy C

Don’t Own It

Tammy M Cardwell1 Comment

At one point, I very much wanted a shirt that said, “Don’t own it!” and referenced 1 Peter 5:7.

Casting all your care upon him; for he careth for you.

1 Peter 5:7 KJV

Why did I want this shirt? Because I needed the reminder, of course!

I have had a tendency, in the past, to take on other people’s problems as if they were my own. Now, empathy is a good thing, a very good thing. Being consumed by others’ problems is not, and that’s what I would let happen.

So, sad to say, then I would flip. I put a wall around my heart so I could hear about other people’s issues yet stay totally separated from them. Needless to say, this was equally as bad. Yes, it “protected” me from being consumed by the other person’s pain, but it also meant I was pretty much useless to them spiritually.

Both ends of the spectrum are demonic, in case you haven’t realized this already. God is in the balance one finds in the middle. So yes, when a need comes to your attention take it, but don’t keep it. Don’t own it. If you take ownership, refusing to hand it over to God (who is the only One capable of handling everything), you don’t help them and you harm yourself. Cast all cares on Him; He can handle it and it’s what He wants.

It’s a simple concept, but oh did it take me a while to learn to walk it out.

Celebrating Jesus!
Tammy C

Make God Your Refuge

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I apologize.
This has been sitting in my drafts since we were working on the site move.
I greatly regret the delay!

Although the red flags, which had begun waving before our marriage, started becoming more obvious when we moved in with his parents after six months of marriage, things didn’t blow up for me until he had his first affair (that I knew of) some years later. The experience crushed me.

And that, being crushed, drove me deep into God’s arms.

It’s sad that it so often takes truly horrific experiences to send us to the one place we most need to be! As a pretty typical American Christian, I thought I was doing well. I attended church regularly, served, tithed, read my Bible (some), prayed (fairly often)… All of that was good, and it was a start, but we were created for exactly what Adam had in the garden – an intimate relationship with God, one where we spend regular, quality time with Him as our sole focus.

I had young children, so I was able to keep myself distracted from what my husband was doing during the day, but once the boys went to bed and he was with the other woman, ignoring my repeated calls (which he’d explain away as bad cell signal the next day), it was just me and a waiting God.

I don’t remember how long it took me to wake up and turn completely to Him, but at some point I did. I changed my own actions, choosing to spend those endless hours in prayer, worship, and His Word.

Psalm 91 is fantastic, containing powerful instructions and promises that I and many others pray and declare regularly. It was in this season that I learned the reality of verses 1 and 2.

He who dwells in the secret place of the Most High
Shall abide under the shadow of the Almighty.
I will say of the LORD, “He is my refuge and my fortress;
My God, in Him I will trust.”

Psalm 91:1-2 (NKJV)

In turning my focus entirely on God during those long nights, I opened a door to a whole new relationship with Him. In getting to know Him better and better, developing a truly intimate relationship and learning to more clearly hear and understand His voice, I came to that precious place.

In the midst of the worst days of my life to that point, I was living in God’s secret place, hidden under the shadow of His wings. I had run to Him as my refuge, found myself safe in the fortress that was my God, and I was confident that if everyone else failed me I would always be able to trust Him.

I kept prayer journals at the time and I clearly remember telling Him in both prayer and my prayer journal that I didn’t want to lose what I had found in Him, what we had developed in the middle of the fire I was walking through. I straight up said that, while I wanted out of the fire, I was afraid that I would lose my focus when I left, that I would lose that closeness that was so radically changing me.

In point of fact, I had a group of online friends who knew what was going on and were genuinely worried about me. I emailed them at one point, and shared what would later become a blog post entitled “The View from Inside the Furnace.” I had discovered I had much in common with Shadrach, Meshac, and Abednego who, while they obviously hadn’t wanted to be thrown into the fire, abruptly found themselves having private time with Jesus.

Like me, they suddenly were in no hurry to leave. Like me, they probably learned things in that time that changed their lives forever. Like me, they were perfectly safe while in the very midst of the flames. They didn’t leave the furnace until they were commanded to.

Like them, I walked out of that particular fire changed forever, freer than I had been when I was thrown in, and not smelling of smoke.

Admittedly, in years since this hellish season, I’ve had times of being more intentional and less intentional where my relationship with God is concerned, but I have never let myself walk away from my Refuge. It has always been God who has brought me through, and to this day I am grateful that I was driven so deeply into His arms during that time.

Understand that I could just as easily have run in a different direction. I could have stayed buried in the books I loved to read. I could have turned to drink or drugs as so many do. I could have let the fear and pain eat away at me until I landed in a hospital’s psychiatric ward. I didn’t.

I didn’t because I chose
to make God my refuge.

God is not only the only refuge you need, He is the only real refuge. We can try to do it on our own, but we aren’t meant to carry those kinds of burdens. His plan has always been for us to run to Him.

Make God your Refuge.

Celebrating Jesus!
Tammy C

Worry is Insidious

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It’s also a form of fear.

Shakespeare assured us that a rose, no matter what you called it, would still smell like a rose. Fear, no matter what you call it, is still fear, and as Christians we too often put God in the position of having to remind us of this fact. Like He reminded me not too long ago.

I was made aware of two situations that had me very much in God’s face, reminding Him of His Word, asking Him to move on behalf of the people involved, talking at Him a LOT.

Nothing wrong there, right?
So I thought at first.

Yes, I was interceding on behalf of my friends, which was undeniably the right thing to do. But then I woke up to what I was really doing, and my prayers changed. “What do you mean, Tammy?” I’m so glad you asked!

I was recently approached about a conflict and asked for advice. I felt strongly that one of the people was in chronic worry mode, being motivated by fear, and if they would conquer that fear (with God’s help, obviously) the conflict would resolve itself.

So, I took that situation and the person in question, to God. In no time at all, He connected this person’s situation with my earlier, somewhat desperate, prayers and strongly advised me to come here and share with you. 

Here’s the bottom line. In both cases, no matter what we called it, even if we assured ourselves that we were merely concerned or anxious, or perhaps admitted we were worried, we were both being motivated by fear.

In case you don’t realize it, God addresses the issue of fear hundreds of times in the Bible and makes it clear that faith and fear don’t mix. They are, in fact, diametrically opposed. Faith is confidently putting something in God’s hands. Fear, in any form, is refusing to leave it in God’s hands. Fear thinks God can’t really be trusted. Fear interferes with God as He is working.

You know how, in cooking, you prep some things and then put them on the stove where you must leave them alone for a while? That time when it’s left to cook is vital; if you give into temptation and stir the pot, you may ruin all you’ve worked for.

So, picture God prepping and putting the pot on the stove. He’s watching it carefully, but in your fear and impatience you grab a spoon and start stirring.

You mean well. You really do. Even so, in your worry that God won’t get it right you decide you need to take control of the situation, or at least feel like you’re taking control. God loves you, and the truth is He’ll let you yank that spoon away from Him even though He knows better than you do. If you’re a parent who has dealt with childish actions like these, you can imagine how your lack of trust makes Him feel.

Motivation matters regardless of what we’re doing. I really care about the people I was praying for, but it was only when I moved beyond my initial fear-founded prayers and into faith-based prayer that my prayers had true power. It was only then that I found genuine peace even knowing that, in that instant, nothing had noticeably changed. It was then that I was able to hear the voice of God and know what to do next.

Fear is insidious and wears many guises. We all must keep our shields up and ensure we don’t slip into being motived by it instead of faith.

Celebrating Jesus!
Tammy C

Am I Enough?

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Have you ever been held back by self-doubt, procrastinated starting something because you weren’t sure you could accomplish what you envisioned…or even what you know for a fact God told you to do?

I have. In fact, I have this very week. God gave me an assignment while in prayer and my immediate reaction was, “But can I? Am I good enough? Who am I to think people should listen to me, to what I have to say?”

I’ve heard many times some version of “God doesn’t call the equipped. He equips the called,” and I know for a fact that it’s true. But still, I have my moments of feeling inadequate and if I don’t respond to those moments correctly they can lead to unproductive seasons.

That very thing happened with Experiencing the Bible. God told me to write it, and I began it, but more than once I stopped working on it because I felt so unqualified. It should have been available a long time ago, but I only actually published it in June of 2022 because I gave in to self-doubt so many times.

I’m currently working on a new book, a devotional. I also plan to start a newsletter in which, among other things, I’ll share some of the devotions that will be published when I finish the book. Yes, I have some definite pieces in mind to write, and I actually do quite a bit of writing in my head anyway, but l’m way behind schedule in part because I sometimes don’t feel like I’m enough.

I’ve learned that the mastery of self-doubt is the key to success.

Will Smith

Will Smith is right about mastering self-doubt. The fact is, most people do fight feelings of inadequacy, occasionally need a boost of self-confidence. Those who succeed are the ones who learn to master it, to lean on what God has to say about them rather than what the people around them say or even what they believe about themselves.

We were all sinners until Christ saved us. He didn’t care.
We are all inadequate when God calls us. He doesn’t care.

We may not realize it, but there’s no way we start out ready to accomplish all He has planned for us, because His plans will always be bigger than what we can do on our own. This is why He repeatedly offers assurance in His Word. One of my favorite verses on this topic, which I stand on all the time, is In 2 Corinthians.

And God is able to make all grace overflow to you so that because you have enough of everything in every way at all times, you will overflow in every good work.

2 Corinthians 9:8 NET

So here’s the answer to the question, “Am I enough?”

Maybe not right now, but if God has told you to do it he will also make you able to walk through it. He will provide everything you need to become enough. Today, when He hands you the assignment or gives you the dream, choose to start where you are and begin moving forward. He’ll make you able. In fact, since He is both Alpha and Omega, Beginning and End, as far and He’s concerned, you already are enough!

Celebrating Jesus!
Tammy C

To Not Try is to Fail

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No, it’s not art. It’s self-care.

I had a follow-up with my primary care this week and was reminded about what he told me several months back: “It’s time to do something just for Tammy.” My mental health was his concern for so many years that, while he loves the changes he sees, he wants me to make a point to keep moving forward.

I’ve been wanting to learn watercolor for a while, so I decided to have that be the Tammy thing; I even bought supplies before Christmas. I’ve mentioned my plan before. I think I’ve also shared that I have an issue; I tend to not try things because I expect myself to do everything right the first time even though I know I won’t.

Yes, that’s ridiculous. I’m being transparent here. Okay? I do understand the saying, “Nothing ventured nothing gained,” and I’m officially working on it this time.

So… today I pulled out the paints and other supplies and decided to just play. What you see above is actually my second play sheet. Here, you can see the first.

Today was all about learning how everything worked – the paper, the brushes, the watercolors, and even the water itself. I gave myself permission to do the ridiculous, to create ugly, to fail. In doing so, I learned a lot, and have a solid plan for the next time I pull out my supplies. knowing what I learned today, next time will be better.

We live in a world that demands the appearance of perfection. Your TikTok must be just right for people to hit the follow button and the algorithm to make you visible. Your Instagram posts show only the best side of life. Your Facebook feed is filled with what appears to be perfect families.

And we know perfect families don’t really exist!

So I’m here to challenge you to rebel. Try something new, and give yourself permission to fail. Not fail permanently of course; that’s no fun. Just allow yourself time to learn without giving in to frustration at your own lack of experience. Don’t stop at the first hurdle; keep running the race.

It can be very relaxing, freeing even, to just sit there, mutter, “What if…?” and then try. It might fascinate you to find out.

If you’ve read about my tiny house life, no. None of this will be going into the frames on my kitchen wall. But some day I’ll share a post with those frames filled. After all, I’ve taken the first step in that direction.

Celebrating Jesus!

Tammy C

The Trifecta – Lessons Learned

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If you’ve heard my story before, stick with me anyway. Please.

My life, until shortly before I turned 19, was filled with worry. I cannot sufficiently express how completely the worry consumed me. It was so bad, so constant, that it felt normal. And then the pastor of the church God had led me to only months (weeks?) earlier had an altar call for those battling worry.

I was there. So were many others. We lined the altar, standing shoulder to shoulder. Pastor Ronnie started at the end to my right; he prayed for people and they went to sit down. Pray, return to seat. Pray, return to seat. Pray, return to seat. And then there was Tammy.

He stopped in front of me, met my eyes, and said, “Stay right here.”

WHAT?!

Maybe you can imagine how I felt standing there. Worry was obviously a factor. What?! Why?! What was he going to do? Why was I different? How long did I wait? I was so far beyond all kinds of awkward that I have pretty clear memories of those relative hours I spent watching more and more people be prayed for and return to their seats.

After what felt like a month, he came back to me. He was completely serious, and kind, and loving as he stood before this 18-year-old girl he was only just getting to know. We never discussed this moment later, so I don’t know what he was thinking, but I know for a fact that he understood two things.

1. He was aware that my issue was beyond normal worry, that there was a spirit of worry he’d have to deal with.

2. He knew that my brain would need extra help.

As he stood in front of me, he had me hold out my arms. Then he took off his suit jacket and laid it across them. Again looking me in the eyes, he said, “I want you to imagine a river of blood running at your feet. I’m going to pray for you, and when I finish you’re going to drop my jacket. Think of it as your worries and see them disappear under that blood. And realize you’ll have to reach through the blood to pick them up again.”

Now, it’s been over 40 years, so obviously that’s not an exact quote, but you get the idea. He prayed. I don’t remember what he prayed, though I’m sure part of it was dealing with that spirit of worry, then he said amen and I dropped the jacket. I was free. I knew something big had just happened.

And now to why I entitled this “The Trifecta.” Pastor Ronnie, like Moses, did his part. God, just as was true in Egypt, did His part; He delivered me out of bondage to worry. Now it was time for me to do my part, to get the worry out of me.

I look back and I am so grateful! In comparing my walk to that of the Jews entering the desert, I see how easily I could have returned to letting worry rule over me, to go back to sacrificing myself on its altar. I didn’t in part because a wise man of God knew that I needed a tool, something to remind me that in order to carry the worry again I had to reach through the blood of Jesus to pick it up.

Once the spirit of worry was dealt with, the choice was mine, and it was an every day, every hour choice that I had to actively make. It is a choice I still have to actively, consistently make. In fact, I wrote a post not long ago entitled, “Drop It,” where I shared the new tool God had given me to help me deal with worry as well as a few other things. The devil knows what worked on me before, so he often tries to work the same tactic again. (Remember this when God delivers you from any addiction.)

Jesus said something along the lines of, “Don’t be afraid,” 365 times, and worry is a form of fear. So yes, He is well aware that it’s something we all deal with and yes, He is telling us it is something we can control.

For me, I kind of think it’s like Paul’s thorn in the flesh. God never removed that thorn, whatever it was, but He gave Paul the grace to deal with it. “My grace is sufficient for you,” God said in 2nd Corinthians 12:9. In 2nd Corinthians 9:8 we are told that God can cause all grace to abound towards us so we have every sufficiency for every good work. He gives us what we need to overcome.

Now, I will step to the side a second and say this. Sometimes He gives us the tool called medicine. A couple of times in the past 13 or so years, I spent a few months on antidepressants, and for years I carried a bottle of anti-anxiety medication with me. My occasional need for the anti-anxiety meds ended shortly after my husband passed away (which kind of makes clearer the stress I lived under). I am grateful that I had the medical help I needed when I needed it.

So, to bring this web-bound book to a close, when we need big things in our lives, it’s a team effort. God must be in the mix, a minister or other faith-filled believer may be needed, and we will have to do our part. Our part involves walking by faith, and that faith will require us to make the right choices and do the right things.

The three working together? That’s powerful!

Celebrating Jesus!
Tammy C

Help the Weak. Be Patient with Everyone.

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Two solid weeks of sick do not make for a blog that stays current.

The first week I was on vacation, and the second week I went to work feeling like I hardly had two brain cells to rub together, wanting nothing more than to go home and crawl back into bed. Honestly, I don’t know how I got my work done at all. So yeah, everything else flew out the window.

Now that my brain is actively working again, I’m thinking about the spiritually weak, those who are so sick with worry that they can hardly function, whose lives seem to be in such a tailspin that they feel they hardly have two brain cells to rub together, and the ones who are so in need that they can’t even think to ask for help. 1 Thessalonians 5:14 tells us, “We urge you, brethren, admonish the unruly, encourage the fainthearted, help the weak, be patient with everyone.”

My sister was that help while we were on vacation together. What should have been at least a decent visit with her son was severely damaged by what we at first thought were only allergies (made unimaginably worse by the two flights it took to get to Las Vegas from Houston) and the fact that I could only go and do for so long before collapsing. There was no doing all the fun stuff that we had been looking into. Nonetheless, she showed that patience Paul talks about here. She was a nurturer and encourager. She was everything I needed her to be. Likewise, the people I work with were incredibly encouraging and patient with me last week as I crept through the days feeling mostly like a failure. I am surrounded by wonderful people.

So… What about me? Am I one of those wonderful people? Am I like my sister, giving encouragement, nurturing, and helping those who are weak? Am I like my co-workers, who patiently put up with my constant coughing, nose blowing, and failure to accomplish great things? I would like to think so, but I’m stepping back right now and doing some serious assessing of the person I look at in the mirror.

I want to like her. I want to respect her. I want to know that she reaches out in honesty and sincerity at all times. I want to know that her heart genuinely loves people and she doesn’t allow impatience to color her actions, or busyness to keep her from reaching out to the fainthearted and weak. Shoot, I want to know she’s so sensitive to what’s going on around her that she notices!

It’s amazing what being sick can teach you.

Celebrating Jesus!
Tammy C